To not send exes new woman his texts to me?

[Passthevodka1]

My ex and I split in February. He is an alcoholic and drug user.

The day before I was due to get results from a biopsy he disappeared on a bender (something he used to do every 1-2 months for periods of 1-7 days).
I finally saw the light and told him we were finished. I haven't communicated with him since, except via text asking him to remove his belongings from my home.

He has repeatedly text me, asking me to take him back, apologising for the way he has treated me etc, professing his undying love etc. I have ignored.

Four weeks ago, a friend of a friend (John, for the sake of clarity) contacted me to say my ex had shacked up with John's wife and John's kids (they are seperated).

As my ex was still messaging me, I forwarded screenshots of the most recent messages he'd sent me (while he was living with this woman) to her via social media as I figured if it was me, that's what I would want. She read the messages then blocked me without reply. Fair enough, her perogative.

I also messaged my ex and told him I had sent the screenshots to this woman, that I wanted nothing to do with him and reminded him again to remove his belongings from my property.
Ex stopped messaging for a couple of weeks, then started again, denying there was anything between him and this woman and telling me he would come back to me in a second if I would have him. Again, I ignored him.
The same day, I had another message from John, telling me that his ex had gone crazy at him as she'd worked out he had told me my ex was living with her. She is now making it difficult for him to see his children as a result of this. John is understandably concerned that my ex is living with his children as John knows he is an alcoholic and drug user, although John's wife denies this so has probably not witnessed the extent of it yet.

John wants me to message his wife and tell her about my ex's alcoholism and drug use and also send her screenshots of the new messages.

Whilst I hate the idea of this woman being taken advantage of as I was throughout my relationship with him, especially as she has children who will be affected by it (ex can be aggressive and violent when drunk), the fact that she blocked me when I sent her evidence before really makes me think she doesn't want to know and any further contact from me is not going to help matters.

AIBU to think that as I've already made her aware, its time for me to step back and allow her to learn his nature in her own time?

Or should I try again?

I am in the middle of my first round of radiotherapy and could do without thinking about any of this but I keep worrying that if I don't warn her again, I'm being a bit of a shit woman, solidarity-wise.

Thanks in advance for any advice x

OP you have tried to do the right thing messaging the new woman. Unfortunately your ex will be a master manipulator and will have targeted a gullible woman deliberately. He'll have given her a total sob story. However she's really putting her children at risk. Ask John to make a request under Clare's Law. You can also do this yourself as an ex partner as you may be at risk.
This man will have a history for sure.

John also needs to contact social services and state he believes his children are at risk. They may have a history of this man, although they don't always if he's moved around a lot and appears on different LA systems at different addresses.

To all those women on here saying you are a stirring, bitter ex...grow up. This man is potentially dangerous. He's got all the characteristics of an abuser and the classic moving from one relationship straight into another, straight into living together will be his pattern forever more. One day it could be you. Wouldn't you want someone to give you the heads up that this seemingly charming man isn't all he appears.

OP look after yourself x

I would do a couple of things, if possible.

Get someone to drop the DC belongings to their house so they are not deprived of their belongings due to their dad being a fuckwit.

Bag his stuff and leave it in the shed/yard/skip wherever for whoever to collect.

Tell the friend that he has to handle the situation with his now ex-wife himself, you are blocked and cannot message her but he should act to protect HIS children and not expect others to do it for him, why have you got a greater responsibility for his kids than he does?

Change my locks and block them all, focus on health and well being.

Look after yourself as much as you can.

Tell John he has to deal with the issues relating to his kids.

Thanks for your support.
I really don't think the new woman is an arse, she seems to be vulnerable and yes, perhaps making some poor decisions but I'm the last to judge on that front considering I had a fairly long relationship with him and was taken in by his lies and manipulations for a considerable amount of time.

John wanted to give me her phone number so I could text her. I feel this si overstepping a boundary as she has blocked me on social media so I won't be doing that. If she ever wants to ask me anything, she can unblock me, other than that, I'm going to respect her wishes and not contact her further.

Thanks everyone for your opinions. Just a few things in answer to some questions.

I had the locks changed the same day I decided the relationship was over, back in February.

I blocked him on social media immediately but hadn't blocked his number as I wanted to give him an avenue of contact to arrange to collect his belongings. However, I've now realised that even though I'm not responding, I am allowing him access to me all the same as I'm still reading his ridiculous, snivelling messages. I blocked his number last night.

I've messaged his sister this morning, telling her that I've been unable to get him to collect his belongings from my house since March. I've told her I will be putting all his items on my driveway at 10am Sunday morning. If they're not collected by 12pm, I will arrange to have them taken to a charity shop.
(If they aren't collected, I'll arrange for his kids stuff to be dropped to his children's mums house, she's worried about repercussions from him if she comes to collect them but if they're dropped there, there isn't much he can say about it.)
I've seen that my message has been read so I've now blocked his sisters number and all other contacts related to him.

I've messaged John and told him I sympathise with his predicament but as his wife has blocked me, I have to respect her wishes to have no contact with me. I've advised him to seek legal help re. his children and if he is concerned about his children's welfare, to contact social services. I'm willing to talk to them if they wish to contact me. I've now wishe John and his children well and blocked him.

Lastly, while I know it isn't my responsibility to "save" the woman he is now in a relationship with (and she may not need saving, perhaps a miracle will happen and he will become a better person, though I doubt it), I have always, and will always, believe that being silent about these kinds of things makes you complicit. Perhaps it isn't my business, but if I have information that may help someone else be better able to make an informed decision about such a hugely important aspect of their life, I personally feel that information should be shared with the person whom it concerns. It's not spite or bitterness or anything malicious. I've done what I would want another woman to do if the roles were reversed. While I know seeing those texts may have hurt her, I think her hurt would be much greater if she found out months down the line.

Quite the imagination you’ve got there

The only messages op has sent seem to be forwarding the messaging ex sent to her.

you seem wholly unconcerned about children living with an abusive man.

glad everyone isn’t like you

I can't get my head around the timeline here, you say you ended it in Feb and 4 weeks ago John told you he'd moved in with John's ex. Four weeks ago was mid April, so they must have been together less than 2 months! Why do women do this it's especially bad if they have DC and don't know the guy that well and he turns out to be a drug addict/alcoholic. Do you wonder what would have happened if the woman had said 'actually Dave I don't want you moving in with me for at least 5 years' Would your ex have said 'of course, I love you so much I will happily wait for as long as it takes to move in' or would he be out looking for some other mug to use for somewhere to live.

Keep out of it OP . Let them all get on with it, you look after you and your DC . Good luck with the treatment 🙏🤞

You’ve done the right thing blocking your ex. I’d leave them all to it and get on with worrying about yourself and doing what you need to aid your recovery- good luck ❤️

My ex did the same, met a woman with 3DD all under 10 in November by mid march he had moved into her home.
Some women don't care - there needs come before the children!

He would 100% have moved on to someone else. He stopped bothering to work in November last year and was living off me. Him not giving a flying f*ck about my biopsy results and disappearing on a bender the day before was the final straw to an already failed relationship.
The woman he's now in a relationship with is a friend of his sister in law so she's "known him" (not the real him) for a couple of years. I know they weren't actively seeing each other while we were together because he sat around my house all day when we were and she lives too far away for him to have been going there and back while I was working. Although they could have been talking/messaging, who knows. I'm glad to be rid of him and sooner or later, she will be too.

@Passthevodka1 why are you even bothering with what he is doing and with whom?? you have had a lucky escape, so block the waste of space and try to make something decent of your life!! you told her and she has ignored it. so be it!!

Just try to remember that you’re talking to a woman who has been abused by an alcoholic drug user, and is now undergoing cancer treatment.

She has told you (with her block) that she’s not interested in hearing from you.
But you should support John.

Tell John that if he is worried enough to contact Social Services, you will be happy to give them a statement about your ex’s addiction and behaviour.

I think that’s all you can do, tbh.

Well done for blocking him! Now hopefully once his crap is out of your house you can block his sister or whoever else is still giving ut you info about him. And be done with him. Tell mutual aquaintances that you do NOT want to know what he's up to - and that if they have concerns etc they should contact the police if appropriate, but you are moving on.

Totally cutting off contact with these toxic messes is the very best thing you can do. It's not your responsibility to warn the world about him - you did that when you dumped him. Whatever he choses to do now, and with whom, is not your business, and you certainly are not "complicit" in anything.

Narcs like him love to try to get some kind of response or feel they are still having an impact on your life: Don't let them. He may try to write you a letter or mail you thinks or claim that he's left something at your house etc etc - do not engage with that nonsense. At all. You may find that he doesn't like the fact he can't have any contact with you anymore and tries to make up some reason or drama to have that contact: don't get involved - it just feeds their need to know that they can still control your behaviour.

Again, well done on blocking him. Now do yourself a favor and just ghost all those other people - it's a drama you do not need to be a part of. Go do something nice for the weekend.

Do not get involved at all any more. Block ex. Tell John to contact social services if he has any concerns about who his children are living with. Then do nothing.