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Original poster

Was I rude for not saying “excuse me”?

71 replies

summershining · 20/05/2025 20:17

I’ve just had a funny encounter in the supermarket which has made me question my manners. Was I rude? Let me know your thoughts please…

I was walking through the shop when a woman and child cut across me. She apologised and I smiled and said no worries. I hadn’t even clocked on until she apologised. Honestly no big deal. A few minutes later I started walking towards the tills when I saw them again. There was another woman with them and they were all walking together so I couldn’t get past. I didn’t say anything as it seemed like they were going the same way (albeit very slowly) but I wasn’t in a rush and it was fine.

The woman turned around and looked at me but carried on. I carried on walking behind which is when she turned around for the 2nd time and said “do you want to get past?”. I replied “oh yes please” and just as I walked past she said “all you had to do is say excuse me please and I would have moved”. I’ll be honest it caught me off guard and I didn’t know what to say. She definitely wasn’t saying it in a friendly or helpful way either, in fact she seemed annoyed I was there!

I’ll admit I rolled my eyes (not sure if she saw) as I walked away and I could hear them talking. But at the grand old age of 33 I didn’t appreciate being told how to speak! I don’t understand why people need to ask if the other person can see they want to get past. Surely you would just move out of the way (or maybe not hog the entire aisle like they were)

Was I rude? Should I have asked her to move, even though she could see I wanted to get past?

OP posts:
GenderFluid90 · 20/05/2025 20:30

Wouldn't have hurt to say Excuse me if you wanted to get past. I always do if people are dawdling just so they know I want to squeeze past.

But its a non event dont think much more on it

Koalafan · 20/05/2025 20:31

I think it's probably better to say 'excuse me please' than keep walking behind. I hate when someone just hovers behind me, but then some folk do draw me a dirty look when I say 'excuse me please' (not sure why, I don't say it Sgt. Major style).

Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 20:38

@GenderFluid90 totally get that but as I said in my OP I wasn’t bothered about getting past, hence why I didn’t ask. I wasn’t in a rush and would have happily waited until there was enough room to squeeze past. I only became annoyed when she spoke to me like that.

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 20/05/2025 20:38

It's irritating as you probably didn't want to be past them ENOUGH to draw attention to it.

I've been in a similar situation before, where I would have gone past if they had noticed me and moved, but I wasn't bothered enough to actually ask them to move, so it's very much a non event.

Either way I think it'd nothing to think on.

Byebyechicken · 20/05/2025 20:38

"I don’t understand why people need to ask if the other person can see they want to get past. Surely you would just move out of the way (or maybe not hog the entire aisle like they were)"

I don't understand why you wouldn't just say 'Excuse me.' How are other people supposed to know your intentions? Do you honestly think people are equally as focused on other people as they are on whatever they're doing at the time?

Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 20:39

@Koalafan yes, I’ve had the same when I’ve asked to get squeeze past people. You can’t win!

OP posts:
Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 20:41

@Byebyechicken I’ve already explained that she turned around and looked at me twice, clearly indicating that she’d noticed me. I understand what you’re saying and know people aren’t always focused or notice other people but that wasn’t the case here.

OP posts:
Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 20:42

@44PumpLane 100% this. I thought I was being patient and polite but was made to feel like I was rude instead. You can’t win.

OP posts:
HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 20:46

She was looking and thinking "why is this person hovering around me?"
The look was intended to let you know you should ask

You were irritating her by hovering around behind her

spoonbillstretford · 20/05/2025 20:49

If you don't arse about, walk slowly, block the entire aisle and get in the way, then people won't be hovering behind you.

spoonbillstretford · 20/05/2025 20:50

summershining · 20/05/2025 20:42

@44PumpLane 100% this. I thought I was being patient and polite but was made to feel like I was rude instead. You can’t win.

Her problem, not yours, they were the rude ones.

NeedAnyHelpWithThatPaperBag · 20/05/2025 20:51

It's the new manners, I think. Be more upfront and direct and less "sorry, pardon me" etc, lol.

napody · 20/05/2025 20:51

summershining · 20/05/2025 20:42

@44PumpLane 100% this. I thought I was being patient and polite but was made to feel like I was rude instead. You can’t win.

Exactly. I think a shrug, smile and an "it's OK, I'm a patient person" would have got your point across!

Imagine going out of your way to look for conflict in the supermarket though, poor woman.

Yuknow · 20/05/2025 20:55

I had a group of women scream at me In a supermarket for apparently ‘barging’ into a pregnant woman. I was mortified. What had happened was that a giant group of people (about 20 of them) were standing across the entire entrance of a shop and no one could really get past them, they were all chatting and seemingly oblivious to everyone else, I was also in a rush as on a short lunch break from work, so I sort of twisted myself into a gap to get past and I think must have brushed one of them with my small handbag because I didn’t feel anything touching anyone. The relatives of the lady came into the shop to find me at which point I looked straight at the pregnant woman and said I was sincerely sorry if I had in any way injured her but I didn’t think I had made physical contact other than brushing past with my bag, she looked embarrassed about it (I assume she had exaggerated) I ended up telling the rude ones to go ask to watch the CCTV and leave me alone.

It really makes me cross that people expect to take up space oblivious to anyone else then get annoyed that they might be in someone’s way and god forbid, someone might want to get past you. Like just be aware of your surroundings and politely move yourself!

arcticpandas · 20/05/2025 20:55

summershining · 20/05/2025 20:42

@44PumpLane 100% this. I thought I was being patient and polite but was made to feel like I was rude instead. You can’t win.

You can though with normal nice people. I would have smiled at you and said "sorry, we're taking up all the space" and moved to let you pass.
With people looking for trouble you can never do right.

Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 20:55

@HuffleMyPuffle that doesn’t make any sense. If you can see someone wants to get past you, why wouldn’t you just let them get past? Why does the other person have to ask? Or are you saying she didn’t know I wanted to get past? Ok, fine. She can’t read minds. But, neither can I. How was I suppose to know what the “look” meant? You can’t have it both ways…

OP posts:
Koalafan · 20/05/2025 20:56

spoonbillstretford · 20/05/2025 20:49

If you don't arse about, walk slowly, block the entire aisle and get in the way, then people won't be hovering behind you.

Not necessarily true. Some shops have narrow aisles. Also, people are allowed to browse. Can't stand the corner chatters with trolleys at right angles though.

arcticpandas · 20/05/2025 20:56

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 20:46

She was looking and thinking "why is this person hovering around me?"
The look was intended to let you know you should ask

You were irritating her by hovering around behind her

Jesus. It's a supermarket. It's not like OP was stalking her 🙄

Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 20:58

@Koalafanthis was in a Lidl where the aisles are quite wide. Not the co op

OP posts:
Koalafan · 20/05/2025 20:58

summershining · 20/05/2025 20:55

@HuffleMyPuffle that doesn’t make any sense. If you can see someone wants to get past you, why wouldn’t you just let them get past? Why does the other person have to ask? Or are you saying she didn’t know I wanted to get past? Ok, fine. She can’t read minds. But, neither can I. How was I suppose to know what the “look” meant? You can’t have it both ways…

It's used to be commonplace to say 'excuse me' to pass by people, life was simpler back then......👍

Koalafan · 20/05/2025 21:00

summershining · 20/05/2025 20:58

@Koalafanthis was in a Lidl where the aisles are quite wide. Not the co op

I'd just say 'excuse me please' from now on, and 'thanks' when they move. Like I say, it mostly works fine. Just the odd strange look, though some folk glare at random strangers for no reason anyway. 😔

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 21:00

summershining · 20/05/2025 20:55

@HuffleMyPuffle that doesn’t make any sense. If you can see someone wants to get past you, why wouldn’t you just let them get past? Why does the other person have to ask? Or are you saying she didn’t know I wanted to get past? Ok, fine. She can’t read minds. But, neither can I. How was I suppose to know what the “look” meant? You can’t have it both ways…

So the first look was a "are you just going to hover around behind us listening in?" Look
It was then you should have said, "sorry can I just squeeze past?"
You didn't so you ended up looking like you were listening in to their conversation

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 21:01

arcticpandas · 20/05/2025 20:56

Jesus. It's a supermarket. It's not like OP was stalking her 🙄

Show quote history

But she was right behind her. It could look like she was listening in

Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 21:03

@HuffleMyPuffle I was trying to buy food, not listen to random people’s conversations. What an odd thing to say 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 21:04

@HuffleMyPuffleyou’re clutching at straws now. I mean, come on…

OP posts:
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