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Original poster

Was I rude for not saying “excuse me”?

71 replies

summershining · 20/05/2025 20:17

I’ve just had a funny encounter in the supermarket which has made me question my manners. Was I rude? Let me know your thoughts please…

I was walking through the shop when a woman and child cut across me. She apologised and I smiled and said no worries. I hadn’t even clocked on until she apologised. Honestly no big deal. A few minutes later I started walking towards the tills when I saw them again. There was another woman with them and they were all walking together so I couldn’t get past. I didn’t say anything as it seemed like they were going the same way (albeit very slowly) but I wasn’t in a rush and it was fine.

The woman turned around and looked at me but carried on. I carried on walking behind which is when she turned around for the 2nd time and said “do you want to get past?”. I replied “oh yes please” and just as I walked past she said “all you had to do is say excuse me please and I would have moved”. I’ll be honest it caught me off guard and I didn’t know what to say. She definitely wasn’t saying it in a friendly or helpful way either, in fact she seemed annoyed I was there!

I’ll admit I rolled my eyes (not sure if she saw) as I walked away and I could hear them talking. But at the grand old age of 33 I didn’t appreciate being told how to speak! I don’t understand why people need to ask if the other person can see they want to get past. Surely you would just move out of the way (or maybe not hog the entire aisle like they were)

Was I rude? Should I have asked her to move, even though she could see I wanted to get past?

OP posts:
MoominMai · 20/05/2025 21:05

@summershining I honestly just think she’s the kind of person who there’s no pleasing. She saw you already so the correct thing to do was for her to have dropped back from her little group and allowed you to pas. Instead she’s getting angry at you for not getting annoyed and just walking patiently behind her?! 😅🤯

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 21:08

summershining · 20/05/2025 21:04

@HuffleMyPuffleyou’re clutching at straws now. I mean, come on…

Someone hovering close behind who doesn't ask to get past?

Can come across a certain way

Especially if they were talking privately

arcticpandas · 20/05/2025 21:10

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 21:08

Someone hovering close behind who doesn't ask to get past?

Can come across a certain way

Especially if they were talking privately

Show quote history

Paranoid much? I would suggest you only talk to your friends in a secure bunker because the neighbours might have listening devices 🫣

Tessiebear2023 · 20/05/2025 21:11

She was being unreasonable, there was no reason to talk rudely to you, whether you were trying to get past or not. God knows why she decided to give you attitude for it.

The mark of good manners is always to be gracious and polite.

Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 21:11

@MoominMai yes exactly this. And now I’m being accused of listening into their conversation, hence why she was rude to me 😵‍💫. I know, I’ll go to Lidl on a Tuesday evening and listen into random peoples conversations 😫😂. Honestly, I can’t with some people on this app.

OP posts:
JDM625 · 20/05/2025 21:17

Let me guess OP, they were walking 3 abreast across the aisle? 🤔

This family is breeding, because every shopping encounter I have, seems to involve them! Often their child (or 3) also have their own little trollies which bash into my heels, the adults are holding hands down the aisle or stop their trolley to check their phone- leaving it right in front of the items I want!

I have tried the 'excuse me, oh excuse me, would you mind....' at elevating levels and it's not until I'm almost yelling that they hear me- and then think that I'M the rude one! Solidarity OP. 😡

Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 21:21

@JDM625 yes they were, how did you know?! It must be the same family 🤣

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 20/05/2025 21:23

It's polite to say excuse me.

outerspacepotato · 20/05/2025 21:26

OMG, the fucking nerve. They block the way, then get all passive aggressive when people want to get by.

I would just say excuse me and blow on by but I'm a pushy New Yorker and I am tired of people blocking the sidewalks and aisles. Don't get me started on the people who stop at the top of the subway exits looking around like no one else has anywhere to be. Gahhhhh. Move it or lose it.

Tarantella6 · 20/05/2025 21:28

In my experience people who take up the whole aisle don't hear you say excuse me because they are totally unaware of their surroundings and in fact are surprised to discover there are other people in the shop. So I don't bother wasting my breath on saying excuse me, I trundle along behind them until a space opens up.

WeylandYutani · 20/05/2025 21:31

I would have turned round and gone down a different aisle. Infact I usually abandon aisles if there is too many people in them anyway.
If I am feeling overwhelmed then I struggle to talk so I would not be asking people if they could move. I would also be hovering awkwardly.
If someone had turned round and told me off for not speaking up then I would probably not go to that shop again.

GabriellaMontez · 20/05/2025 21:33

Listening in on a private conversation in Lidl eh!!???

Seriously - some people are looking for trouble. Try not to think about it anymore.

Koalafan · 20/05/2025 21:43

WeylandYutani · 20/05/2025 21:31

I would have turned round and gone down a different aisle. Infact I usually abandon aisles if there is too many people in them anyway.
If I am feeling overwhelmed then I struggle to talk so I would not be asking people if they could move. I would also be hovering awkwardly.
If someone had turned round and told me off for not speaking up then I would probably not go to that shop again.

You must realise that's not really a typical reaction though? Most people wouldn't do that.

Koalafan · 20/05/2025 21:44

GabriellaMontez · 20/05/2025 21:33

Listening in on a private conversation in Lidl eh!!???

Seriously - some people are looking for trouble. Try not to think about it anymore.

I live in a smallish community, sadly there are lurking gossips and busybodies hovering around in the most unusual places.

Clafoutie · 20/05/2025 22:40

Londonrach1 · 20/05/2025 21:23

It's polite to say excuse me.

But the OP wasn’t bothered about getting past, otherwise would have!

Clafoutie · 20/05/2025 22:43

summershining · 20/05/2025 21:11

@MoominMai yes exactly this. And now I’m being accused of listening into their conversation, hence why she was rude to me 😵‍💫. I know, I’ll go to Lidl on a Tuesday evening and listen into random peoples conversations 😫😂. Honestly, I can’t with some people on this app.

I agree, you can’t win. I’m always amazed at the number of instances on MN where the OP is told it is their fault that someone has been rude to them. 🙄

Thedogscollar · 20/05/2025 22:53

@summershining You were in the right and polite.
They weren't.
YANBU.

Fruitbat99 · 20/05/2025 22:53

GenderFluid90 · 20/05/2025 20:30

Wouldn't have hurt to say Excuse me if you wanted to get past. I always do if people are dawdling just so they know I want to squeeze past.

But its a non event dont think much more on it

She literally said theyvwere going the same way and it was fine. So no need.

nadine90 · 20/05/2025 23:07

No, you were fine. Yes it is polite to say “excuse me” rather than huffing or barging past. But you didn’t do those things and were content with walking a bit slower for a sec, so it’s her issue, not yours. I do the same thing on the school run if I have plenty of time, I’d rather be stuck behind a slow walker than hanging round the playground. It’s not weird or rude, it’s just not being in a rush!

nadine90 · 20/05/2025 23:10

Oh and if any normal person had turned and seen you, the polite response from them would be to jump out of the way and maybe say “sorry, I’ll let you pass us”. She sounds like she enjoys a bit of agro

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 23:16

How far were were you to them? If you were up my arse I would have said something.

Communitywebbing · 20/05/2025 23:20

I don't think you were rude, OP, you were just walking a bit slower because the people in front of you were dawdling. For some reason this woman took against you but we will never know why.

Communitywebbing · 20/05/2025 23:21

Londonrach1 · 20/05/2025 21:23

It's polite to say excuse me.

But only if you want to get past. If you are happily walking at the same pace there is no need to say excuse me.

BogRollBOGOF · 20/05/2025 23:28

Tarantella6 · 20/05/2025 21:28

In my experience people who take up the whole aisle don't hear you say excuse me because they are totally unaware of their surroundings and in fact are surprised to discover there are other people in the shop. So I don't bother wasting my breath on saying excuse me, I trundle along behind them until a space opens up.

The variation on this theme is when I'm running towards a pack of oblivious pavement hoggers. I've learned that if there's a small gap that I'll just fit through, it's better to just go for it because if I manage to pant out "excuse me" they then scatter all over like confused skittles and they get in the way even more.

It's hard to yell loud enough with sufficient distance to be heard with enough reaction time for them to rearrange themselves.

All I want is 75cm of path space. Just give me that and I'm happy. They can have the other 2m+. Better still if they actually remember that they're in a shared public space and keep an ear/ eye out for other users.

I need a wrist-mounted bell like a bike bell Grin

nomas · 20/05/2025 23:35

summershining · 20/05/2025 20:55

@HuffleMyPuffle that doesn’t make any sense. If you can see someone wants to get past you, why wouldn’t you just let them get past? Why does the other person have to ask? Or are you saying she didn’t know I wanted to get past? Ok, fine. She can’t read minds. But, neither can I. How was I suppose to know what the “look” meant? You can’t have it both ways…

Because you could have seemed passive aggressive.

Use your words.