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Original poster

Was I rude for not saying “excuse me”?

71 replies

summershining · 20/05/2025 20:17

I’ve just had a funny encounter in the supermarket which has made me question my manners. Was I rude? Let me know your thoughts please…

I was walking through the shop when a woman and child cut across me. She apologised and I smiled and said no worries. I hadn’t even clocked on until she apologised. Honestly no big deal. A few minutes later I started walking towards the tills when I saw them again. There was another woman with them and they were all walking together so I couldn’t get past. I didn’t say anything as it seemed like they were going the same way (albeit very slowly) but I wasn’t in a rush and it was fine.

The woman turned around and looked at me but carried on. I carried on walking behind which is when she turned around for the 2nd time and said “do you want to get past?”. I replied “oh yes please” and just as I walked past she said “all you had to do is say excuse me please and I would have moved”. I’ll be honest it caught me off guard and I didn’t know what to say. She definitely wasn’t saying it in a friendly or helpful way either, in fact she seemed annoyed I was there!

I’ll admit I rolled my eyes (not sure if she saw) as I walked away and I could hear them talking. But at the grand old age of 33 I didn’t appreciate being told how to speak! I don’t understand why people need to ask if the other person can see they want to get past. Surely you would just move out of the way (or maybe not hog the entire aisle like they were)

Was I rude? Should I have asked her to move, even though she could see I wanted to get past?

OP posts:
Original poster
summershining · 20/05/2025 23:39

@nomas passive aggressive? How? I was just walking 😆

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 20/05/2025 23:45

It’s very annoying feeling someone hovering behind you. I would have said ‘excuse me’ when it was obvious they weren’t going to stand aside. I have no patience for people who don’t move or people that won’t speak up.

pitterpata · 20/05/2025 23:55

I can see both perspectives. I have been in your position where you’re not in a massive hurry so it’s not worth saying anything. However in that circumstance if they said are you wanting to get past? I would have said something to reassure them like ‘ohh no hurry don’t worry 😃’. So they know you weren’t silently tutting behind their backs, wanting them to hurry up. In their position I would feel awkward and a bit embarrassed (but also annoyed and a bit defensive) if I thought someone had just been silently waiting for me to move, hovering behind me expecting me to read minds.. it feels passive aggressive in a way, like they’re making me appear really rude and inconsiderate for blocking the way and not noticing them, when really all they had to do was ask nicely and I would have moved? Especially when with my kids, I’m completely frazzled and distracted and really not going to notice you unless you say something.
in that situation if I caught their eye and they still didn’t ask I would be thinking eh what do you want? Why are they hanging about me? And yes eventually might say do you want me to move?! And I think the only disarming response there would be to say oh honestly you’re fine don’t worry I’m just having a little browse too/take your time…something like that. By saying oh yes please! It’s almost like saying “finally!”
i don’t think you were bad or rude or anything just wanted to explain what the mindset will likely have been on the other side

Likewhatever · 20/05/2025 23:59

Could you have misinterpreted her tone? Maybe she was embarrassed that they were holding you up and went on the defensive. Still bloody rude.

Perhapsanothertime · 21/05/2025 00:03

If they don’t want someone following behind they shouldn’t be so rude as to block the entire aisle. Does my head in how ignorant people are.

Tessiebear2023 · 21/05/2025 06:06

Londonrach1 · 20/05/2025 21:23

It's polite to say excuse me.

Only of you're trying to get passed, op said she was perfectly happy waiting for the woman to get where she was going. There's no excuse for being snippy and rude to her. The other woman misread the situation.

Cherrypie0210 · 21/05/2025 09:10

I was in a supermarket recently with my baby in a pram and toddler standing next to me at the end of one side of an aisle choosing a product when an older couple appeared, i hadn’t seen them and the gentleman cleared his throat loudly in a ah hem way to get my attention and i looked up and saw them they just looked at me very rudely whilst i moved over slightly so they could get past and i did say to them you could have just said excuse me, because i found it incredibly rude. The lady then walked off down the aisle laughing and shouted “oh im sorry, EXCUSE ME!” Which i thought was very childish. I then saw them on another aisle and the gentleman couldn’t look me in the eye and looked very embarrassed. Manners cost nothing and i won’t apologise for going about my day. If i am in your way a simple excuse me is welcome and i would happily move aside probably with an apology, even though i know i don’t need to apologise and then say to myself why are you apologising 😂 but in that situation i did not they were rude and entitled!

Whoarethoseguys · 21/05/2025 09:14

If you were standing behind her and making it very obvious that you wanted to get by but not saying anything then yes that was rude. Much better to just say excuse me can I get past than sigh etc.. i
If you were just waiting patiently I don't see the issue.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2025 09:14

It was probably annoying them that you were on their heels but couldn't be bothered to actually go past. Not saying you were wrong to not go past obviously but it can feel a bit PA if you're going slow and someone is right behind you and clearly wants past but won't ask.

AnneTwacky · 21/05/2025 09:22

I don't think the OP did anything wrong.

Person in front could have just offered to let her past without the unnecessary passive aggressive comment.

Saying that you never know if someone is having a bad day or is stressed, so I would let this one go.

EmmaRose25 · 21/05/2025 09:29

You did nothing wrong OP. Lady was very rude.

They should not have been blocking the aisle in the first place and if you were irritating her by being so close behind she should have politely offered to let you pass.

If you had barged past her without saying "excuse me" then that would be rude but you didn't do that.

JDM625 · 21/05/2025 09:32

@BogRollBOGOF I need a wrist-mounted bell like a bike bell

This reminded me when I was at Kings Cross station and it was absolutely packed. People were shuffling forward and only moving a few cm's at a time in a massive crowd. From behind me, I heard one of those loud, can air horns. It was a man in a wheelchair blasting it to get through. Maybe he needed to get somewhere quicker than the rest of us?

You need one of those BogRoll when jogging 😆

Was I rude for not saying “excuse me”?
Cherrypie0210 · 21/05/2025 09:35

JDM625 · 21/05/2025 09:32

@BogRollBOGOF I need a wrist-mounted bell like a bike bell

This reminded me when I was at Kings Cross station and it was absolutely packed. People were shuffling forward and only moving a few cm's at a time in a massive crowd. From behind me, I heard one of those loud, can air horns. It was a man in a wheelchair blasting it to get through. Maybe he needed to get somewhere quicker than the rest of us?

You need one of those BogRoll when jogging 😆

😂 Love this

DontLetTheSun · 21/05/2025 10:23

I wouldn't overthink it. Supermarkets can be very frustrating places, especially when multiple family members are in there all shopping together and blocking the aisles. You may be able to tell where my sympathies lie!

Tessiebear2023 · 21/05/2025 13:12

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2025 09:14

It was probably annoying them that you were on their heels but couldn't be bothered to actually go past. Not saying you were wrong to not go past obviously but it can feel a bit PA if you're going slow and someone is right behind you and clearly wants past but won't ask.

Life is full of these little annoyances, but as grown adults with self control, we should be able to cope with them without getting rude.

Most of us are able to respond politely over such a trivial thing, even when someone else is being a twat or just absent-minded, it shouldn't be difficult.

summersingsinme · 21/05/2025 13:32

I was once coming up behind a couple taking up the whole pavement, walking a little fast as I was on my lunch break, and was about to go into the shop they'd just walked past. The woman of the couple stopped and dramatically swept her arm in a semi circle to indicate that I should walk past them, clearly irritated, just as I turned into the shop doorway...

You were fine OP, she was rude and I agree with someone upthread who said she probably would have been annoyed no matter what you did. If you don't want people behind you, make sure you leave enough space that they can get past!

user2848502016 · 21/05/2025 13:39

They sound a bit rude but actually it does annoy me when people hover when they can just say excuse me to get past. Also some people get annoyed and huffy if you’re in their way, and especially if children are in the way - just politely say excuse me ffs!

pinkksugarmouse · 01/05/2026 17:56

Try not to worry about it. Its just a misunderstanding. I'm slow on the stairs and don't look disabled but I would rather people go carefully around me than stand behind. I also don't like pushchairs close behind me. I feel like they are about to clip my heels. But I am capable of saying "would you like to go past?"
If she thought you were unccomfortablly close she could have asked you this. You aren't a mind reader.
But supermarkets don't bring out the best in people. Just let it go. Its not worth your head space.

pinkksugarmouse · 01/05/2026 17:58

And she shouldn't have been blocking the aisle.

AgnesMcDoo · 01/05/2026 18:02

You behaviour sounds like age 13 not 33

redboxerclub · 01/05/2026 18:15

Ive had this before and was mortified. I was just patiently waiting for a lady who was looking at shoes with a child in a pram and she got so unbelievably arse with me saying “can you just say excuse me” in the unpleasant tone. I was found it upsetting as I thought I was being polite and patient.

I would still do this now. Some people have no patience at all and cannot ever think of anyone except them selves and find it hard to position themselves as a patient person.

they were in you way and they got arsey makes now sense mat all to me. They should have been apologising g to you. Oh sorry we are being slow/ in the way/ etc

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