AIBU to say that not everything can be inclusive all the time?

[Summeriscumin]

A former student has asked for advice and I'm a bit stumped.

She has been running a drama club for 11 - 16 year olds in the village hall. The aim is an introduction to various theatre and circus skills.

These include vocal skills, breathing exercises, trust exercises, mime, juggling, acro, improvisation, script reading aloud, devising scenes and basic contemporary dance skills. It's been going very well and the subs are paying for the hall hire, so she isn't out of pocket.

But she's afraid she's going to have to give it up. A mum came along her son, a wheelchair user, asking to join and he was welcomed. My friend (C) explained what the sessions entailed and said there may be some that her son may not be able to participate in. Specifically she meant the energetic dance stuff and some circus skills and there was an issue with some trust exercises. - DCs have their eyes closed and move around and the wheelchair could prove dangerous.

The lad came for a couple of weeks and seemed to really enjoy it and C tried to make it as inclusive as possible without depriving the others of their skills training. They work in small groups so she always made sure there was a group he could work with.

However, this week the mother has said that her son must be included in everything or it's discrimination and that she should stop the exercises that he cannot participate in.

C says she may as well just give it up as that's just not fair on the others.

AIBU in thinking this mother is BU? I feel so sorry for C who has done her best to include the lad.

"I'd love some help to make it as inclusive as possible, and I'm always looking for more volunteers to do this. Are you interested?"
Either mum will have some great ideas for getting everyone involved and making it inclusive (including for other children with additional needs) and will get involved, or she'll say no, and your friend says 'OK then, I have adapted for your son as well as I am able to, and we will continue with me trying my best to include him, but there are some things, due to his condition, that he isn't physically able to do. We're always trying to be inclusive, but XYZ (whatever he can't do), is part of our programme, and I won't be removing it.'

I think friend could probably do some adapting of the things they do to be inclusive of a wheelchair user - the trust exercises for example, could he be in a pair giving verbal instructions to guide someone else through a simple obstacle course? Realistically, it doesn't sound like she'd have to go above or beyond to change the activities in a way so he's be included - circus skills could move from tightrope walking to include stuff like jugging, plate spinning and diabolo, dancing he could just do the moves in his wheelchair, or she could try a dance where everyone is sitting next.
There's a fair and reasonable halfway house here in that he is involved in everything, but the stuff he can't do, he does something like helps judge the skill, or takes a caller role in a game, for example.

I agree with you OP. It sucks for the lad that he can’t do everything other people can but his disability shouldn’t mean that others miss out. I’ve got epilepsy and can’t drive, does that mean that no-one else should?! That would be ridiculous.

I very much appreciate your "possibilising" attitude, @PopeJoan2, but I disagree. I do have the right to join a Zumba class; what I don't have is the ability to participate. There are 'chair yoga' classes and the like, which are run separately because it would be unfair on Zumba dancers to slow the pace right down to suit our abilities.

I have the same right as anybody else to visit mountain villages, ancient ruins and churches with high towers. It wouldn't be reasonable to demand they install lifts everywhere and flatten the hills! Therefore, no, I can no longer share those experiences.

The kid in the wheelchair has the right to join C's class and to engage in whichever of the activities he can reasonably be facilitated to do. It wouldn't be reasonable to demand C change the nature of the skills she teaches. A child in a wheelchair can't do tumbling. The other kids can, and they want to. The skills they're learning shouldn't be changed or reduced.

For all I know, there might be such a thing as wheelchair circus skills. If there is, it would be a highly specialised skillset with completely different safety considerations and specialist equipment. C's class is not that specialism.

Well is the boy enjoying the classes -if he is why has he told DM he is left out. Surely he’ll be disappointed if it stops.
I would say positive things and hope things settle down -if the DM has it in for her I can’t see it surviving but I can’t see why she would do that -possibly DS just stops co
plaini g.

some LA provide training for universal offer providers, can C contact her local disabilities services for advice ?

And tell the parent she is seeking support to include her son?

Mum is wrong

The question is what is reasonable? I think with some thought most needs can be accommodated, but obviously not all. It is wholly reasonable to say that some trust exercises or dance moves cannot be reorganised. I would discuss this with the parent. I understand it is difficult for the mother, but the alternative is that the class closes or does less.

If you make everything inclusive and suitable for everyone, it makes it unchallenging and probably boring for most. As the saying goes - you can't please all of the people all of the time. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't aim to cater for everyone - but not all at the same time.

some LA provide training for universal offer providers, can C contact her local disabilities services for advice ?

C is doing this in her own time, for free. Plus all the planning and preparation that goes on outside the class time. How much more of her own time is it reasonable to ask her to give, for free?

I would close the club. It sounds like your ex student has made reasonable adjustments but the mother wants everything adjusted. That is not reasonable.

Sorry... Glee, the TV show?

The TV show that famously used a non-disabled actor to portray a wheelchair user..

Thats a fantastic example, in no way could editing and the fact that the actor is actually not disabled, be contributory to it looking easy to include a wheelchair user into an otherwise able bodied active dance group.

Wheelchair dance is a thing - whether a wheelchair user can do it depends on their mobility/fitness, and requires a fairly experienced wheelchair dancer to teach.

The eyes-closed exercise - this may be ok if he's in a manual chair and has good control to move slowly, perhaps can have something on his spokes that makes a noise (in place of the audible footsteps the other kids may make)...

If he is in a power chair this could result in a serious accident, broken bones etc!

It does sound as if Mum is trying to mould the group to fit her sons abilities/requirements and this is not really on. If activities cannot be run in a way that he can fit in with, adapted a little to help him do them... then its not the group for him, any more than a bloody sky diving group would be for me (fat knackered powerchair user!).

I left Brownies as a child for similar reasons.

How do you know who of us are able
bodied or not?

Or which of us have children with disabilities.

There are specific classes for the disabled in many areas, which would be far more appropriate. It’s cruel to take a child to something where they cannot participate due to some of the activities being out of scope. Often, parents who do this, do it to try to make a point and to cause drama. Someone disabled is not going to be able to do everything they want - that’s the reality.

She's asked a bunch of people. Some of those who have responded may have disabilites.

Or, horror! The mum jumps in to volunteer, and God knows what will happen then.

The woman who runs the club only has to make reasonable adjustments, which she has done. The mother is being unreasonable and doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Unfortunately, she is still able to bring a discrimination case, which could tie up the club in a legal battle and involve fees even though they will eventually win. She may be a chancer who is hoping for a payout to go go away. In my opinion, that should be treated as a form of extortion.

I haven’t read all the thread yet but this mother is being unreasonable, to demand your friend stops all doing all activities her son cannot participate in.

I have limited mobility and I’m disabled although I do not need a wheelchair. I also attend fitness classes like yoga/pilates etc. There are obviously moves I cannot do. But I don’t demand the teachers stop all moves/poses. The teachers will adapt the moves for me. In hindsight your friend probably should have thought of this before she set up the classes. But she should adapt the activities for everyone. Ie saying close your eyes and move around won’t work on someone who is blind or clap your hands won’t work on someone who has one hand. It’s not really a big deal but yes you should try and be inclusive to everyone and adapt if you can’t be inclusive

Agree, you don’t see wheelchairs uses kicking off about being excluded from running races. You adapt. For example The Paralympic’s.

She has made reasonable adjustments to include this child. The mother wants unreasonable adjustments. She can say no. The mother is welcome to take her business elsewhere.

No I wouldn’t suggest this. SEN covers a lot of different needs such as behavioural, learning or emotional needs. Why should someone be included in that just because they can’t use their legs? Just adapt the moves, the teacher doesn’t have to create different classes. I would not be happy if my child was being made to attend a SEN class just because they were in a wheelchair. Would you expect an adult to do that?

So it’s ok to deprive one child?

This is exactly how I feel as a disabled person. I think the social model of disability is downright nonsense sometimes.