AIBU to say that not everything can be inclusive all the time?

[Summeriscumin]

A former student has asked for advice and I'm a bit stumped.

She has been running a drama club for 11 - 16 year olds in the village hall. The aim is an introduction to various theatre and circus skills.

These include vocal skills, breathing exercises, trust exercises, mime, juggling, acro, improvisation, script reading aloud, devising scenes and basic contemporary dance skills. It's been going very well and the subs are paying for the hall hire, so she isn't out of pocket.

But she's afraid she's going to have to give it up. A mum came along her son, a wheelchair user, asking to join and he was welcomed. My friend (C) explained what the sessions entailed and said there may be some that her son may not be able to participate in. Specifically she meant the energetic dance stuff and some circus skills and there was an issue with some trust exercises. - DCs have their eyes closed and move around and the wheelchair could prove dangerous.

The lad came for a couple of weeks and seemed to really enjoy it and C tried to make it as inclusive as possible without depriving the others of their skills training. They work in small groups so she always made sure there was a group he could work with.

However, this week the mother has said that her son must be included in everything or it's discrimination and that she should stop the exercises that he cannot participate in.

C says she may as well just give it up as that's just not fair on the others.

AIBU in thinking this mother is BU? I feel so sorry for C who has done her best to include the lad.

Why didnt you suggest the mother do this?

The OPs friend is doing this out of her own time and trouble, no pay. She isnt obliged to set up numerous groups, of which she isnt particularly knowledgeable about and skilled in. However the mother would be given she has a wheelchair using child.

@TheOriginalEmuthe wheelchair could crash into someone’s legs before they could touch it. There are other blind exercises he can do. That was just one example. You may think it safe, I don’t.

The dances he cannot do are the sort of dances the chorus in musical theatre do. There are other movement/dance exercises he can join in with.

Circus skills are juggling, double skipping, mini tramp, clowning etc.

Agree with the OP not everything can be inclusive and if there is an insistence on this then either activities are watered down or clubs gold. The examples I have seen is in a scouts group where in order to accommodate a scout with a disability the activities were watered down to such a degree the other scouts started leaving to go to other groups and the scout troop was very close to folding - it might well have folded now. Yes some adjustments should be made but total inclusion cannot be achieved as its impact distorts the activities

How do you know who is able bodied through this screen?

I thought the same. This is one of those situations when one person ruins it for the rest, and discourages people from running such events.

Has she got public liability to cover herself?

Is every other parent meant to be grateful that their child is welcomed to an activity for children and allowed to participate in some activities, or just the mother of the disabled child? It sounds like the mother is being a bit antagonistic but I can understand why given how much she’ll have to fight for her son’s needs. As a wheelchair user myself I don’t see why he couldn’t participate in the activities you’ve mentioned, it would be no more dangerous than with the other children. I manage to do all the games we play at youth group and there’s certainly some that on first glance you’d think wouldn’t be suitable, but as a leader I can make the adaptations without needing to ask. I’d suggest to C that she has a conversation with the mother and son and see what they’d suggest about how to adapt activities, because it does feel pretty rubbish to be excluded from something when there are ways you can be included if people tried and asked you.

I’m a wheelchair user myself these days so well aware of my limitations.

I don’t expect the world to change for me just happy when people are reasonable.

Plenty of parent of children with additional needs have replied also thinking that the way the mother is going about things doesn’t sound the best.

Legally, you actually might not be able to if what she's asking for is a reasonable adjustment.

I actually do agree that the best step is to see if the mother will speak to her and/or if she could recommend resources for accessibility. It would be kind if the mother did that. But it's not disabled people and their families duty to educate people on pretty basic modifications to activities.

@TheRoomWhereItHappened as it happens the other parents are chuffed to bits and very grateful to C, especially as it is all voluntary.

I don’t believe that you think the activities I mentioned could all be adapted for a wheelchair user. That’s just daft. Plenty can be and are.

But it's not disabled people and their families duty to educate people on pretty basic modifications to activities.

Surely individuals are best placed to know what they personally can and can’t do, though?

Grateful that someone is taking time out, for free, to run a group that their kids enjoy. Er yes.

How do you think the vast majority of clubs and groups run these days, including school trips actually, through volunteers. So yes, be grateful or run them yourself.

But the mother isn’t asking for pretty basic modifications. She is asking for the whole group to be change really.

Parents of children with SEN are their biggest advocates and part of that is working with others to see how accessible things can reasonably be

YANBU OP
Not everything can be inclusive all of the time.

If your friend were to stop all activities that the wheelchair user can’t participate in, that’s not ‘inclusive’ for all the other kids, is it?

Exactly. I couldn’t expect to drop ds off at a group and say “oh by the way he has adrenal insufficiency here is his injection” (amongst his other conditions) and then just walk away!

I think she could just drop the one exercise.

I'm disabled, use a wheelchair/crutches when out but don't expect everything to adapt to my needs - I do what I can do if out and about. There's so much I can't do and just have to accept.
I think this mother is spoiling for a fight rather than accepting the situation as it is. Appreciating the adaptions that are being made.
It is probably worth your ex student while to check their legal position on this set up to ensure that she is doing everything she can. Also carrying out suitable risk assessments for having a wheelchair user within the setting.

But why, if everyone else enjoys it?

I am disabled myself. I’d expect things to be inclusive where they can be. If there’s something that I can’t do, I accept I’m going to have to sit it out / find something else. I wouldn’t expect everyone else in a group to forego something they enjoy because I can’t do it.

The mum is a cf expecting the whole sessions to be changed. C explained at the beginning what the sessions involved and the mum accepted this. C has already adapted her lesson plans to accommodate his needs. It’s a shame if the sessions were to end because of the mum’s demands.

What if it were a gymnastics club? Should the other children not be allowed to vault etc because this child can't?

Yes I have a SEN kid too. I'm happy to discuss how activities can be inclusive. But I'd also be annoyed if he was stopped from doing activities altogether that could be pretty easily modified. And I'd expect someone running a group for young people to educate themselves on how reasonable adjustments work and perhaps come with some suggestions.

I'd feel like a reasonable, sensible adult. There are some things you simply can't do when you have a disability and that's just how it is, it's ridiculous to suggest that no-one else can do it because you can't.

I am pretty sure there are hundred ls of activities even in schools where a person with a disability cant take part in all of it.
What happens in pe when they are doing aparatus? Surely they dont hoist him up the ropes to include him. They will obviously find the parts he can do and support him to do as much as he can.
Someone with some legal knowledge will be better to advise though

I do have some sympathy for the Mum here... the child probably is excluded from most non specialist disability activity groups for children. Wanting to just be able to join in with everything isn't an unreasonable desire.

Also just having a carer turn up with one child isn't as easy as it sounds... I run a Cub group and the carer would have to go through the normal safeguarding procedures first as they will be in contact with all the other children.

But... the mother needs to work with the leader, not just demand everything changes.

That's not the same thing. That's what your child needs in case of emergencies or to manage a medical condition.

I'm saying, if you have a wheelchair user who can self propel and you have an exercise where people are walking, the group leader should be able to say something like, "is it safe for you to do the activity like this?" Rather than just sit them out.