To think it's unacceptable to say you don't like children?

[BirdPlanet]

Increasingly I've heard people saying some variation of the statement 'I don't like children'. I don't see why this is in any way acceptable. You wouldn't say that you 'don't like' any other category of person. If I said I didn't like the elderly or middle-aged women as a group, I'd get slapped down, yet somehow people think it's okay to talk about children as if they aren't human beings. Is it because they can't speak or advocate for themselves? Children aren't some kind of homogeneous entity. They have personalities and different temperaments, just as adults do.

Inevitably people will say that it's used as a shorthand for disliking the behaviour of some children, but even so, that’s more of a reflection of poor parenting than anything else.

I have children.
My friends have children.

It's a standing joke I "don't like children".
Which isn't factually true. I love kids. Im the favourite Aunty, the one who's house all my kids mates turn up at for food and to hang out. Im also the strictest person in my friendship group and EVEN discipline their children

I don't love groups of children, I detest soft plays/theme parks/areas where there are lots of children.

They're loud, unpredictable, busy things that over stimulates me and makes me irritable.

So the joke is "I don't like children" and when I'm asked now, post divorce, if I'll have any more my answer is always "no I don't like them".

It's called nuance. Many people will say they don't like children, but actually they don't like, as per above, the stimulus reaction their brain gives them. It's often tongue in cheek as well.

For what it's worth, I also don't like groups of women (of any age) when they do that loud cackling laugh thing, or groups of men drinking with their booming voices.

I'll leave a pub/ask for a different table, to avoid these groups.

There's nothing wrong with any of these, children men or women for example, it's all on me. So I avoid/tolerate until I can't and then leave.

I think in some cases maybe you're taking the phrasing too literally?

Because whilst it's a standing joke with me and people that know me "Oh JF doesn't like children" we all know, that actually I think kids are amazing, they just over stimulate me and scare the living daylights outta me sometimes.

I think people that say things like that are really weird. Marks them out to me and I judge them.

Absolutely! Juvenile is how it strikes me!

It comes across as a bit of a pose to me.

But what about the posters who’ve said they only like their own children? No difference, surely?

I think people are allowed to think what they think and express what they think. You don't have to like what they say and I'm sure they don't care if you're offended.

Never had them myself so I always say I'm not keen on them but don't dislike them that I'd actively avoid them but I don't actively enjoy interacting with them either. I have been annoyed when some spoil things for others, eg too young to be at a West End show, but I dislike the parents more than the child for being so ineffective in parenting.

Apart from my only niece who I have fun with but I used to be glad when she went home, I couldn't spend a day with them. Answering constant questions, doing nothing in particular, having to join in with games and colouring in and horror of horrors let's pretend play, having to sit down and watch things I don't want to watch eg Peppa Pig, go to soft play, watching them on swings and slides (unless I can have a go) and all my probably imagined tediousness of being a parent, it's definitely not for me.

I was a Brownie leader so I don't dislike children but I have my limits for a quiet, easy life.

Yes but the point op seems to making is that it isn't acceptable to say this about other groups of people. You’d be called out as prejudiced or ignorant. But it's fine when it's about children. Why is that?

Why are positive comments welcome? It’s still a generalisation and positive stereotypes can also
be detrimental? Either we’re allowed to make blanket statements or we’re not.

Personally I don’t know why anyone cares so long as they aren’t being cruel to them.

I don’t much like them now because the developmental stages they are going through brings with it a lot of noise and behaviours that I find undesirable and sometimes physically painful. Particularly their tendency to repeatedly scream for no apparent reason which their parents don’t seem to do anything about. I’ve had a family with 3 young children move in last year and they scream and shout and make a lot of noise far beyond general playing noises, which are perfectly fine. It’s having a real impact on me and I’m planning a move.

I do have one very nice child next door but just about every other child around seems to scream regularly and their parents allow it. I’ve had other negative experiences and I’m done with living next to children.

I don’t want to spend more time with them than necessary and why would I? I’m an adult. I want to be around other adults, not discuss the ins and outs of Bluey or Minecraft. I also don’t want to listen to tantrums, screaming, an Ipad playing Pepps Pig out loud or incessant questions.

I’ve worked in childcare though I liked them then but I’ve more than had my fill of being around children between that and regularly babysitting for friends.

I’m nice to kids when I’m around them but I’m very happy when they go away and I’ll always choose a childfree resort or venue over one that allows children.

I don’t care for drunk adults either though so I also try to avoid them.

Increasingly I've heard people saying some variation of the statement 'I don't like children’.

If you’re increasingly hearing this OP I’d suggest they’re commenting on your children and maybe take a minute to consider why that might be?

I think it’s perfectly possible to love your own children but not like children in general. Like loving your own spag bol but not liking anyone else’s 🤣.

And I think this equivalence of children and, say, seniors, doesn’t really work as others have pointed out.

(I agree about the “I love children” sentiment - it’s a bit like saying “I love Ethiopians” or “I love redheads”. Slightly weird.)

I think it's not comparable to 'I don't like elderly people'. Because equally no one says 'I love elderly people'.

It's more like saying 'I don't like dogs' or 'I love dogs'. There are dog mad people who love all dogs, and dog-averse people who can't stand any dogs, even though dogs are all different and have their own personalities. Like children are all unique, but to children-averse people, they're all one of a mass of little creatures they don't wish to be around, usually in public spaces like restaurants, parks etc where they feel their peaceful adult time is infringed upon. Same way as non-dog people can't relax around the unpredictable presence of dogs.

Sure I'll be told I'm dehumanising kids by comparing them to dogs, and for the record I do like (some) kids, more so since I've had my own, but I can see the stance on people making sweeping generalisations about not liking kids - or indeed loving them, and I think it's fair enough. It's definitely not 'unacceptable' and not akin to an 'ism'. As long as no one's going beyond a passive dislike to actively harming DC - and people who dislike kids would by definition give them a wide berth - then I don't see the need to police their feelings and language.

I understand why people might not like young children. Their brains haven't finished developing so they do act differently than adults, and that can result in some annoying behaviours.

Now you say it, it is rude though.

Elderly people often don't behave exactly like younger people either. Obviously there's a spectrum, but as we age we often lose some of the same faculties we developed through childhood. I can't imagine saying "oh no, I'm not going to Jim's 90th, I just don't like elderly people. They sometimes say inappropriate things, some are messy eaters, and they are even known to have accidents sometimes!".

Not many people would like a ward of elderly severe dementia inpatients, no.

I find people who say things like “I don’t like children, old people, women, men, teenagers, new mums, divorcees, etc” are not great thinkers.

I’ve just compared children to spaghetti so I think you’re all right with dogs 🤣. It’s a really good analogy.

Yes @pinkdelight , that’s spot on, like dogs is a much better comparison .

My child is a baby who can't even talk - sure, she might not be the most stimulating conversationalist I guess 😁

Decent, engaged, and well behaved children are likeable. Feral, annoying, loud and obtuse kids are rancid. Much like any other human of any age group. Some are tolerable, some are not.

You are overthinking this OP. Saying ‘I don’t like kids’ is not quite on a #kidslivesmatter#, let’s start a revolution scale.

I think that lots of people have no tolerance for anyone else these days. Small children, teenagers, groups of people can all be really annoying - noisy and generally irritating but I think they are part of life. I think as adults we forget what it is like to be young. Saying that I would not choose to go to a children's party for fun unless I had to. I think we all need to develop a bit of tolerance for one another and chill out a bit.

And that’s the point.

they are the only group of humans where you CAN apply a trait that applies to each and every one of them. No babies are stimulating conversationalists.

I don’t really like children. It’s unfortunate I’ve got some 🤣 I dislike other people’s children but that’s usually down to the parents not parenting, not the children themselves!

Who are all these people telling you this?!! If they’re your friends then maybe it’s concerning your child, do you focus the conversation solely on your children. Other people’s children are a bit boring for a lot of people. Maybe they just want to talk about adult stuff with you?

If it’s random strangers, then that’s very odd and I would say that maybe they have something else going on as most people don’t bark out opinions to random strangers.

I don't like old people, they're entitled and rude.

i don’t like children

You can be a Mum and not particularly like spending time with other people’s children in general, even your own sometimes!