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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's unacceptable to say you don't like children?

584 replies

BirdPlanet · 17/05/2025 09:23

Increasingly I've heard people saying some variation of the statement 'I don't like children'. I don't see why this is in any way acceptable. You wouldn't say that you 'don't like' any other category of person. If I said I didn't like the elderly or middle-aged women as a group, I'd get slapped down, yet somehow people think it's okay to talk about children as if they aren't human beings. Is it because they can't speak or advocate for themselves? Children aren't some kind of homogeneous entity. They have personalities and different temperaments, just as adults do.

Inevitably people will say that it's used as a shorthand for disliking the behaviour of some children, but even so, that’s more of a reflection of poor parenting than anything else.

OP posts:
YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 17/05/2025 13:10

However, Saying “I don’t like children” is no more acceptable than saying “I don’t like old people”

of course you can say that. We don't have a Thought Police, and we can have any opinion we like. Again, you can't act on it.

anotherside · 17/05/2025 13:13

Maddy70 · 17/05/2025 12:40

Why? Somepeople dont like dogs, cats, horses why is it wring to say they don't like children.

I wouldn’t say it’s “wrong” as such or offensive. It’s just a bit sad, and I’d probably keep it to myself. And yes I’d say someone who really dislikes all dogs (as opposed to simply not wanting one himself) is also a bit of shame, though to a somewhat lesser extent.

Wolfpa · 17/05/2025 13:13

Children are often forced on people and so you have to be more blunt when saying why you don’t want any.

people also say it about other sects of society and no one bats an eye. My local Facebook group has recently hated:

teenage boys
parents who drive their children to school
dog/ cat owners
middle aged women (Karen’s)
single dads
and many more

JennyMaybe · 17/05/2025 13:14

I do think less of people that dislike children. Children are fabulous

Are they all fabulous though? Change children in that statement for any other group of people and it sounds odd. “I do think less of people that dislike disabled people. Disabled people are fabulous!”

Not all disabled people are fabulous. Not all white people are fabulous. Not all old or Muslim or Christian people are fabulous. I agree it’s fine if you want to think less of someone for airing a viewpoint about disliking a whole bunch of people. No problem at all. But by saying you love that whole bunch of the same people does sound weird if you replace children with any other group of people.

AzureOtter · 17/05/2025 13:15

People can like or dislike whatever they want.

It's strange that others want to say personal opinions are unacceptable.

GreenFriedTomato · 17/05/2025 13:15

'I do think less of people that dislike children. Children are fabulous 😍
But that’s as much of a generalisation as “children are horrible"

I wanted to a scream at the child kicking the back of my seat for hours on a plane journey (although Mum should have done something about that tbf)

The kid playing games on the tablet for hours with sounds on would have driven me up the wall too. But I was prepared with noise-cancelling headphones.

The screaming baby, well it was a baby and no control over their actions so headphones again.

I neither like or dislike children. They come in all flavours just like adults. I just prefer not to have too much contact with either.

Deathraystare · 17/05/2025 13:16

What is so wonderful about them that you are surprised that some people don't like them. They are alright but like dogs I don't want them permanently around me! Now cats on the other hand.........

PuppyMonkey · 17/05/2025 13:17

It’s not children themselves that I’m not keen on, it’s when I’m the one who’s got to supervise them that I don’t like. Grin

Mine are all grown up now and I can’t hell you how much more I enjoy life these days.

StarDolphins · 17/05/2025 13:19

Of course it’s ok to say you don’t like children! It’s ok to say you don’t like anything at all, it’s just an opinion.

Calliopespa · 17/05/2025 13:21

It’s the children about 8-12 I can find irritating these days. Little ones are little and do their best; teens are teens with all their own awkward battles. But it’s some of that cocky tween crowd that I find have got very unpleasant in recent generations.

At my Dc school there is a mum who had a high-flying career but is now a sahm. Her DH is drop dead gorgeous and knows it, and all the other mums flirt shamelessly with him eg saying “ hi” to the mum at a social event, then ( boobs out, hair flick) “ HelOoooooOo!!!” to the Dad, lean in for triple cheek kiss, pawing at him etc etc.

About two and a half years ago they had a Dc who has severe learning disabilities and she is so sweet with him but also completely exhausted by it and it’s obvious. She has got quite plump and haggard looking and these days is always a bit dishevelled and trying hard to field the youngest, who is generally having some kind of meltdown or trying to climb up her legs etc. You get the picture.

Anyway, I was chatting with her in a small group at pick up when a boy in her DC’s class, aged about ten, walzed up and stood for a bit observing her little Dc who was taking stuff out of her shoulder bag and biffing it on the ground. I could see she was trying to keep very gentle and relaxed but obviously worried in one half of her mind what he’d produce from the bag!

Then, because this boy was just standing gawping I said to him “Hello x” ( he has a sibling in my DC’s class so has been to our house and I know him.) He ignored me, ( maybe grunted?), turned to the lady and said to her with the trace of a sneer “ WHY are you wearing your sunglasses ON YOUR HEAD?” (She often does this- as many do - to hold her hair back. )

The woman was clearly taken aback, already feeling on the back foot with her tampons etc being launched across the playground. She kind of stammered and giggled and said “ oh! … Good question… um… well…” I felt like saying “ it’s not a good question; it’s a facetious one, full of faux naivety from a child who ought to have seen plenty of people wearing sunglasses that way.” Then the kid went for another stab: “ It’s not even sunny…”

At this point I was just thinking what a forward brat, so I said in a perfectly even tone “ Why do you need to know?” He gave me what I can only assume was supposed to be a “ hard stare” but the effect was undermined by the fact his teeth were protruding out of his mouth in such a gormless way after the shock of being stopped in his tracks. The he just turned and walked off and I felt like hollering after him “ … and WHY do your teeth STICK OUT?! “

But I have noticed a lot more of this kind of forward and unrestrained “ curiosity” in children who are old enough to know better.

MummyJ36 · 17/05/2025 13:22

I didn’t like children until I had my own and then I felt very bad for having that attitude in my younger days. I’m an only child from a very small family and being around kids just wasn’t a massive part of my upbringing beyond friends of my own age. I had zero interest in them and would inwardly sigh if I saw a family get on the train/plane with kids that would make a noise.

Fast forward to now and I’m the one getting on public transport with noisy kids! I’ve become a lot more sympathetic to both parents and little ones and see the lovely parts of childhood and children in general.

Mine was a mix of maturity and experience growing up. I do understand therefore why some people retain this opinion if they don’t want/have their own kids or grew up around little children.

anotherside · 17/05/2025 13:23

StarDolphins · 17/05/2025 13:19

Of course it’s ok to say you don’t like children! It’s ok to say you don’t like anything at all, it’s just an opinion.

Sure, but some opinions are objectively dickhead opinions and that would qualify as one.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/05/2025 13:24

FuzzyPuffling · 17/05/2025 09:36

It's no different to saying "I love children!", which is just as general and doesn't seem to get the same response.

I do t understand this, either. Like the rest of the population, some are great, some not so much.

anotherside · 17/05/2025 13:25

@Calliopespa

“At my Dc school there is a mum who had a high-flying career but is now a sahm. Her DH is drop dead gorgeous and knows it, and all the other mums flirt shamelessly with him eg saying “ hi” to the mum at a social event, then ( boobs out, hair flick) “ HelOoooooOo!!!” to the Dad, lean in for triple cheek kiss, pawing at him etc etc”

Lol.. Everyone around behaves normally and boringly yet others are daily witnesses to characters out of a bad sitcom.

Blessthismess2 · 17/05/2025 13:26

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 17/05/2025 13:10

However, Saying “I don’t like children” is no more acceptable than saying “I don’t like old people”

of course you can say that. We don't have a Thought Police, and we can have any opinion we like. Again, you can't act on it.

Well you won’t be arrested. But people can say all sorts of unacceptable things without being arrested. Still unreasonable,

Blessthismess2 · 17/05/2025 13:26

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/05/2025 13:24

I do t understand this, either. Like the rest of the population, some are great, some not so much.

Agree. Saying this is equally stupid.

Iggilypiggily · 17/05/2025 13:27

I don’t particularly enjoy the company of children, and I find it particularly frustrating that other people just assume everyone loves kids and wants to be around them. I don’t hate children, but I don’t seek out the company of children. As part of my degree I had to work with children and older adults and I felt more comfortable in the adults space. I didn’t enjoy the company of children much when I was a child either. I was always someone who preferred the company of adults, even as a teenager. I do know a lot of other people who don’t love the company of children and have kids of their own who they adore, but don’t particularly love the company of other people’s kids. I know others who don’t love the company of children and have decided to remain child free.

I’m not someone who ohhs and ahhs around babies and I’m not mesmerised by cuteness. I do, on the other hand, LOVE the company of elderly people and seek that out in a way I think a lot of other people wouldn’t. I love being around adults with additional needs too and I think that’s something a lot of other people don’t know quite how to handle. I also know a lot of adults with additional needs who don’t like children because they are too overstimulating. So I just think each to their own. I think the statement ‘I don’t like kids’ is a very simplified statement that means something a bit more nuanced or complex - ie it means I don’t particularly enjoy the company of children or I find the company of children frustrating or I grew up being ‘an inconvienence’ to the adults in my environment and so now I see children in the same way because of my conditioning. I do also find, as someone who doesn’t particularly enjoy the company of children, that if you don’t ohh and ahh around kids you are treated like there is something wrong with you, as a female. So I think people who do say that are being a bit defensive. I know I have said it in the past when I was a lot younger.

I think there are a lot of people on here who aren’t mothers with living children who are here to seek advice for other things relating to fertility health also, just for those who are asking why those who don’t like children are on Mumsnet. If you google search certain things it brings you here, as I myself have learnt!

Jujujudo · 17/05/2025 13:28

MoistVonL · 17/05/2025 10:54

Quite.

I didn’t like children until I had my own. I enjoy the company of babies and children now, but that wasn’t always the case.

I like (and indeed love) individual men but as a cohort I don’t like them. So I spend my free time in women only spaces most of the time.

It’s ok to have preferences. You don’t have to be an arse about it. Just stick to the kind of people you like.

Absolutely. I just think we need to be aware that everyone has a right to exist and that we can make allowances if necessary. I’m not a confrontational person anyway so I wouldn’t make someone uncomfortable because I’m feeling whatever I’m feeling.

MsCactus · 17/05/2025 13:28

Yes I 100% agree with you - it dehumanises a huge chunk of society. We wouldn't accept people saying this about any other vulnerable group of humans.

It's because children are vulnerable and can't advocate for themselves that people say this.

Calliopespa · 17/05/2025 13:30

anotherside · 17/05/2025 13:25

@Calliopespa

“At my Dc school there is a mum who had a high-flying career but is now a sahm. Her DH is drop dead gorgeous and knows it, and all the other mums flirt shamelessly with him eg saying “ hi” to the mum at a social event, then ( boobs out, hair flick) “ HelOoooooOo!!!” to the Dad, lean in for triple cheek kiss, pawing at him etc etc”

Lol.. Everyone around behaves normally and boringly yet others are daily witnesses to characters out of a bad sitcom.

Well where does the boy fall? Do you think that’s normal or sitcom?

Children weren’t like that when I was young.

CatsDintCare · 17/05/2025 13:32

I like my own kids and on the whole I like the kids we've taken in. But I have to admit I'm not a fan of young children in the wild, they make me nervous, you can never be sure how they will behave.
Ironically I volunteer with teens and we have fostered, but teens are a different proposition.

gotmyknickersinatwist · 17/05/2025 13:35

How is saying you don't like children talking about children as if they aren't human beings?
I used to be one of those people. I found children really annoying. Now I really like them. I never spoke about them as though they weren't human, just because I said I didn't like them.

KimberleyClark · 17/05/2025 13:43

picturethispatsy · 17/05/2025 09:56

It shocks me regularly how many posters on a forum for mums openly dislike all children. Look at the poll results for this thread! Very telling.

I do think a lot of posters on mumsnet aren’t mums though.

Plenty of mums don’t like children apart from their own. Is that acceptable?

And it seems perfectly acceptable on Mumsnet to say you hate men. There are even derogatory acronyms/names for those who don’t - NAMALTS or Not My Nigels.

OutdoorQueen · 17/05/2025 13:44

If they don’t like them they don’t like them, yes it’s generalising all children but if that’s how someone feels then that’s how they feel.
So no, it’s not unreasonable to say how you feel imo

Iggilypiggily · 17/05/2025 13:51

In reference to an earlier comment about a SIL who hated kids being a former teacher - I know plenty of ex teachers who choose not to have kids after their experience of teaching and do not like being around children any longer! I guess being around 31 kids daily from 8-3pm is enough to tire anyone out