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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party or not to party ?

56 replies

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:30

Please can you give me some perspective as I'm
not sure if I’m being unreasonable.
Partner receives a fb 50th birthday invite a few months ago from an old school friend and mentions it, I say oh that’s great. Nothing more said until yesterday when we both get invited to a casual birthday tea and I answer for the both of us along the lines of , not sure yet, busy with ongoing extension project and need to get on with it with dry weather so will let you know.
Partner brings it up later that day, and I say oh yes, I haven’t said no - and he says, oh but I’m at the 50th. He says he totally forgot about it, got a reminder and now they (bunch of old mates) are on at him to go. I can’t get a babysitter at such short notice so I can’t go , haven’t got a dress etc.
I asked him to read me the invite - it sounds bloomin ace, 3pm start at a lovely location, DJ etc. Will be a very late night and full of couples, old friends.
Am I being unreasonable expecting him
not to go? He will be moody all weekend but I find it really unfair that if I don’t organise babysitters etc, we never get to go out as a couple.
Live together and have primary school kids.

OP posts:
scottishmomma · 16/05/2025 20:32

Does he go out without you often?
if not then I think you are being unreasonable.it sucks but can’t do everything.

unless as I said you are always at home and he’s always out so you miss out.

Moonnstars · 16/05/2025 20:33

I am slightly confused. Were there two different party invites, one for his old friend and then another invite for you both to a tea party?
Were you both actually invited to the 50th party as initially it sounded like you weren't but you are commenting it sounds ace. Why would you want to go to his old school friends party?
Anyway, you are saying if you don't organise a babysitter you can't go, so why don't you just get on and do that if you can afford it and are invited?
I am not entirely sure what the complaint is here.

Zanatdy · 16/05/2025 20:39

So because you can’t go too he can’t go to his friend’s bday? Sorry, but you’re unreasonable.

Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:41

yes two separate party invites.I’m not fb friends with 50th birthday guy so not invited directly however the venue is large, DJ etc so numbers wouldnt be an issue and I fully expect it’s a couples event..

OP posts:
QuickFawn · 16/05/2025 20:41

Why can’t your partner go for a night out with his school friends by himself?
do you not see your friends on your own?
is there a big drip feed to make this somehow U, because YABU from your post

saltinesandcoffeecups · 16/05/2025 20:43

Have you tried to get a babysitter?

Yeah, totally no fair for you to make him stay at home. Your birthday tea thing is totally irrelevant.

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 16/05/2025 20:43

I’m assuming as it’s his old friends you aren’t really able to go without him so if you don’t have a babysitter it’s a shame for him to miss out too because you are jealous. The caveat is if he’s out constantly and you spend every weekend home alone with the DC.

Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:43

zanantdy
yes but shouldn’t he have attempted to organise a babysitter so that I could go or remembered the event early enough so that I could organise it. It’s not just tea out, it’s a big massive party

OP posts:
QuickFawn · 16/05/2025 20:45

You both knew about it, neither organised a baby sitter
Doesn’t mean you both now can’t go, I couldn’t think of anything worse personally so would happily wave my dp off whilst I had an evening to myself

saltinesandcoffeecups · 16/05/2025 20:45

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:43

zanantdy
yes but shouldn’t he have attempted to organise a babysitter so that I could go or remembered the event early enough so that I could organise it. It’s not just tea out, it’s a big massive party

So it’s punishment then.

Yup, still unreasonable.

pizzaHeart · 16/05/2025 20:45

im a bit confused how you are doing things in your house. Surely the first thing when the invite arrived was to check if both of you invited or not. Then if both of you could go or one or no one. Then to think about if it’s doable from money and childcare angles.
It seems you haven’t done any of these?????

pictoosh · 16/05/2025 20:45

Yabu. I'd never expect my dh to stay at home under these circumstances. You're not fused together. Wave him off with good grace.

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 16/05/2025 20:46

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:43

zanantdy
yes but shouldn’t he have attempted to organise a babysitter so that I could go or remembered the event early enough so that I could organise it. It’s not just tea out, it’s a big massive party

In fairness he did tell you some time ago.

Moonnstars · 16/05/2025 20:46

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:43

zanantdy
yes but shouldn’t he have attempted to organise a babysitter so that I could go or remembered the event early enough so that I could organise it. It’s not just tea out, it’s a big massive party

Not really. I can't think of anything worse than going to a party of someone I don't know, and surely your partner would be off socialising with all his old friends.
You want to go, so why can't you sort the babysitter?

Annascaul · 16/05/2025 20:48

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:41

yes two separate party invites.I’m not fb friends with 50th birthday guy so not invited directly however the venue is large, DJ etc so numbers wouldnt be an issue and I fully expect it’s a couples event..

It’s his old school friend. It might be disappointing that you can’t get a babysitter, but it’d be ridiculously spiteful to suggest he shouldn’t go either.
Surely you would have had to book a babysitter for the other event anyway?

Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:49

Annascaul
no, kids are invited, it’s only tea at the local
pub with a beer garden

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 16/05/2025 20:51

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:49

Annascaul
no, kids are invited, it’s only tea at the local
pub with a beer garden

Well if the tea party invite is from your friend and not his why don't you go to that with the kids and leave him to go to the other party?

2024onwardsandup · 16/05/2025 20:51

The problem is that he didn’t even have to think about child care because he thinks that is your sole responsibility

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 16/05/2025 20:51

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:49

Annascaul
no, kids are invited, it’s only tea at the local
pub with a beer garden

Can’t you attend that with the DC even if your DH goes to his friends party?

arcticpandas · 16/05/2025 20:51

So he goes to his party with his old friends and you go to your party with the children.

Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:51

I think you’re all probably right - thanks for your replies. I’m just sniffy on missing out on something that could be an epic time because of being unorganised

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 16/05/2025 20:51

So there’s the answer you go to the tea with the kids and he goes to the party. It’s a win/win.

Annascaul · 16/05/2025 20:52

Moonnstars · 16/05/2025 20:51

Well if the tea party invite is from your friend and not his why don't you go to that with the kids and leave him to go to the other party?

Show quote history

Yes, it would seem there is no actual dilemma here.
Apart from op being slightly jealous of the better party 😬

HuffleMyPuffle · 16/05/2025 20:52

So you aren't even directly invited? You just assume?

Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:52

Yeah that’s what I plan to do
Not exactly the same kid free night out with partner, probably free bar etc but oh well

OP posts:
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