Party or not to party ?

56 replies

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:30

Please can you give me some perspective as I'm
not sure if I’m being unreasonable.
Partner receives a fb 50th birthday invite a few months ago from an old school friend and mentions it, I say oh that’s great. Nothing more said until yesterday when we both get invited to a casual birthday tea and I answer for the both of us along the lines of , not sure yet, busy with ongoing extension project and need to get on with it with dry weather so will let you know.
Partner brings it up later that day, and I say oh yes, I haven’t said no - and he says, oh but I’m at the 50th. He says he totally forgot about it, got a reminder and now they (bunch of old mates) are on at him to go. I can’t get a babysitter at such short notice so I can’t go , haven’t got a dress etc.
I asked him to read me the invite - it sounds bloomin ace, 3pm start at a lovely location, DJ etc. Will be a very late night and full of couples, old friends.
Am I being unreasonable expecting him
not to go? He will be moody all weekend but I find it really unfair that if I don’t organise babysitters etc, we never get to go out as a couple.
Live together and have primary school kids.

OP posts:

Totallytoti · 18/05/2025 07:50

pizzaHeart · 16/05/2025 20:45

im a bit confused how you are doing things in your house. Surely the first thing when the invite arrived was to check if both of you invited or not. Then if both of you could go or one or no one. Then to think about if it’s doable from money and childcare angles.
It seems you haven’t done any of these?????

Except to make drama over it.

Totallytoti · 18/05/2025 07:51

EggnogNoggin · 16/05/2025 22:59

He has100% deliberately pretended to forget so he can go with his mates without you.

No reasonable person makes all these plans with their mates over the course of a few weeks about something they are excited for and forgets to tell someone they intend to bring with them.

Ifthe invite was for both of you or he set it up in a way that made it appear you were invited then I'd be furious because this is the sort of shit a boyfriend pulls on you when you're in your 20s and haven't worked your life out yet.

Except that the op knew about it and that it was a large enough event to organise a babysitter , dress herself? Unless you are saying she is incapable of using her brains? She knew all the details.

Hedonism · 18/05/2025 07:57

and he says, oh but I’m at the 50th.

He doesn't want to go as a couple, otherwise he would have said 'we are at the 50th'.

GreenLeaf25 · 18/05/2025 08:00

Are they his children?

TheaBrandt1 · 18/05/2025 08:05

This whole scenario is weird. Why do you need to buy a new dress? Don’t you have dresses already? We go to quite a lot of 50ths id be bankrupt buying a new dress for each party.

EggnogNoggin · 18/05/2025 15:30

Totallytoti · 18/05/2025 07:51

Except that the op knew about it and that it was a large enough event to organise a babysitter , dress herself? Unless you are saying she is incapable of using her brains? She knew all the details.

Show quote history

Wh is she responsible for organising babysitter for an event they are attending jointly?

He was reminded by friends multiple times and rather than taking to OP about it along the lines of "we really need to organise a babysitter" he said on the info and timed her out by casting her into the role of assumed childcare as if it's her problem to solve. I didn't see anywhere that he had asked her to look after them during their shared time with the kids. He just assumed she was free. We'll she is no more free than him to look after the kids because she wants to go as well.

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