Party or not to party ?

[GiveMeAMin]

Please can you give me some perspective as I'm
not sure if I’m being unreasonable.
Partner receives a fb 50th birthday invite a few months ago from an old school friend and mentions it, I say oh that’s great. Nothing more said until yesterday when we both get invited to a casual birthday tea and I answer for the both of us along the lines of , not sure yet, busy with ongoing extension project and need to get on with it with dry weather so will let you know.
Partner brings it up later that day, and I say oh yes, I haven’t said no - and he says, oh but I’m at the 50th. He says he totally forgot about it, got a reminder and now they (bunch of old mates) are on at him to go. I can’t get a babysitter at such short notice so I can’t go , haven’t got a dress etc.
I asked him to read me the invite - it sounds bloomin ace, 3pm start at a lovely location, DJ etc. Will be a very late night and full of couples, old friends.
Am I being unreasonable expecting him
not to go? He will be moody all weekend but I find it really unfair that if I don’t organise babysitters etc, we never get to go out as a couple.
Live together and have primary school kids.

Really confused-do you want to go to the birthday tea YOU were invited to, or the massive 50th party HE Was invited to?
Simple solution is that he goes to 50th, you take kids to birthday tea.
YABU, he told you ages ago and now you’re in a huff.

But you could have organised childcare as soon as you got the invite. As someone else said you could have firstly checked whether you were both invited and then if so sorted childcare if it meant that much to you to go.

I am still baffled at how you think it be epic when you don't know the people going? I think you are over estimating a party for an old school friend of his.
Why don't you look further ahead, book a babysitter and go to a concert or something the two of you as it sounds like you want a good night out?

Either organise a baby sitter or your husband goes and you go see your friends for tea with your kids.

These things happen and no point ruining it for your DH. Sounds like a lovely opportunity for him to catch up with old school pals, stop making a drama out of something nice!

Don't you have diaries?? Why wasn't the date put in the diary when he got the invite and a sitter booked? Why are you organising things on the day? You both sound very disorganised.

You just sound sulky now

I share your pain. Mine booked tickets for us both for an event which he described but didn't give me the full name of or what time it was and then got irritated when a couple of days before we didn't have a babysitter and whined about how he had spent lots on the tickets and it would be rubbish if we couldn't go. How did he think I was going to book a babysitter without any event timings and details to work out when we needed them for.

Why don’t you go and he stay and take care of the dc?

Is there a reason he is not able to arrange a babysitter?

Her DH could have organised a babysitter?

why couldnt her husband have booked a babysitter?

She's the one who desperately wants to go.
In my house it wouldn't matter who booked the babysitter.
I am guessing this was meant to be a moan about inconsiderate men post with the OP gaining sympathy that he didn't sort childcare, but that hasn't happened.
We don't even know she was invited to the party and to me it just comes across as jealousy that her DH could still go to a party she thinks will be great. Hence why I suggested sorting something the future for them both so she gets her big night out!

sitter.co.uk will get you a sitter. Either you both go or neither

Because it’s her DH’s friend’s party, with a bunch if his mates. OP would be going as a plus one, and it’s not even clear that she’s even invited. Quite clearly, OP is being hugely unreasonable to begrudge her husband’s attendance at a party with his old mates, and as others have suggested, should go to the birthday tea party to which she has been invited with the DC.

It all sounds a bit bizzare. Don’t you have diaries or shared calendars to write dates on? Me and my partner have a shared calendar on our phones and we always discuss events, put dates in etc. As soon as he mentioned this party a while back, why did neither of you write it down and sort a babysitter? It all sounds really unorganised. I don’t really see how you can be annoyed with him because he did tell you about it a while back. So why haven’t you sorted yourself a dress? I just couldn’t imagine living in this sort of set up, my partner and I always know what we are doing and discuss plans etc.

He has100% deliberately pretended to forget so he can go with his mates without you.

No reasonable person makes all these plans with their mates over the course of a few weeks about something they are excited for and forgets to tell someone they intend to bring with them.

Ifthe invite was for both of you or he set it up in a way that made it appear you were invited then I'd be furious because this is the sort of shit a boyfriend pulls on you when you're in your 20s and haven't worked your life out yet.

And he could do now too, she should probably just talk to him without creating a drama and stopping him from going.

But you forgot about it too? You said he told you about the invitation ages ago - why didn't you plan your outfit and discuss baby sitters etc then?

Well you should have TALKED to each other a few weeks / days ago and planned what you wanted to do. Though maybe he actually prefers to go alone - I wouldn't want my DH tagging along if it were a group of my old friends and not his, and I'd be happy for him to go without me if they were his old friends.

You knew about the party, so why didn't you ask and find out if it was something you couid go to as well? As for not having a dress, I presume you mean a new one? Though his old friends wouldn't have seen you in a dress you already had, presumably (and if male, wouldn't notice and if female, wouldn't care). If no dress at all - wear a nice top and trousers. But all that's irrelevant without a babysitter anyway.

Is there a reason you didn't check and make a note of the date?

You’re being a martyr and a bit controlling. It’s actually healthy for people in couples to do things separately. You don’t need a baby sitter for a tea party just take your kids and enjoy yourself. Why make a mountain out of a molehill?

So you don’t want him to go because he didn’t organise a babysitter for you to also go? I do get why you’re disappointed but no I don’t think that’s fair.

But you did know about the 50th. He told you when he was invited.

Either sort a babysitter and get a dress

or he goes and you either stay home or go to other do

Just ask a friend to have the kids and get a last minute dress! Life's too short to be sad about things that can be helped. If you're really sure you can't get a sitter (you've asked everyone you can think of) then I'd still expect him to go, it is his friend after all. Take the kids to the tea if you want to, and make sure you have something nice in the diary too.

Super confused too. If either of us are invited to something we want to do, we tell the other person, put it in the shared calendar and then it’s the plan. If we both want to do it we figure out childcare together. If you didn’t say you wanted to go, why would he know? Why did you think he wasn’t going when it’s a massive party with his friends?

at this point you either sort childcare and go (assuming you’re invited!) or leave him to enjoy it and go out with your friend if you want to.