I’m currently planning my autumn wedding, which is both very exciting and a little stressful! I thought I’d stayed on the right side of the line - until I showed my mum my seating plan…
I grew up in a close extended family, so as well as inviting my cousins and their partners, I’ve invited their children and their partners too. My fiancé is inviting a lot of family as well. I thought everyone in the family would be pleased. However, when I was having a planning chat with my mum and showed her the seating arrangements, she said, “You’ve made a mistake. Where are Amy and Carl?”
Amy and Carl are my cousin’s adult stepchildren. My cousin has been with his now wife for eight years, married for three. Her children seem nice, but I barely know them. I haven’t seen them since the wedding; we don’t even really see them at Christmas, as they’ve got their mum’s family and their dad and his family who they want to spend time with - before you even consider that my cousin’s stepdaughter has a partner, who obviously has his own family to think about. I honestly wonder if they’d even recognise me in the street.
I said as much to my mother and that I had no plans to invite them. She started blustering about how it would look really bad; it would seem like they’d been left out etc.. I said that was ridiculous. It’s not like they’re children, or even as if they’ve been brought up in our family. The daughter is 24 with a baby, for heaven’s sake!
My mum was still panicking about how it looks like a snub, she doesn’t know what she’ll say to my auntie Pam… and won’t it look bad if we invite my cousin’s daughter and not his stepchildren? Again, to me this is ridiculous. I’ve known his daughter my entire life; I held her as a day-old baby. Of course she means more to me than people I meet once every few years!
Anyway, I’m trying to stand firm. If they were young children and everyone was living together as a family, I’d try to fit them in to keep the peace - but these are adults. That’s three spaces I’d be giving to people I don’t want to come and who probably don’t want to come themselves, before you even consider that this might cause a “Well if they’re coming, can’t we invite auntie Kate and cousin Bill?” ripple effect on my fiancé’s side.
Am I right to stand my ground?