Can’t stop!

[Littlemissbubbles]

Ok, so I’ve name changed for this.
im already slightly drunk. If anything happens with the kids, I’ll make an excuse and DH can go.
I’ve been like this for four years!
I hold down a professional job, got a big house etc…. But it’s all crap, I can’t stop
As soon as I know I’m not ‘needed’ to drive, I’m sneaking booze. I know it’s ridiculous, I’ve tried to stop, but a can’t!! Actually I like/hate feeling like this.
But I know I need to stop.

AIBU you’re fine, it’s only 2-3 a night!
URNBU, you know you need help( but that involves telling people, and I can’t!)

Hi op!
You're doing amazingly for a start. Recognising a problem is the perfect start!
What are you doing now? I'm just home from a very drawn out day at work, picked kids up from school and I'm about to tackle the kitchen and some washing and cook some tea.
Do you think just chatting might help take your mind off?

I was just like you until a month ago. Hiding bottles and sneaking when I thought my partner didn't notice. I have a good job and always managed the day-to-day so thought it was fine.

I ended up in hospital because I couldn't keep anything down. I was upfront and honest with the doctors about my problem and they were really supportive. I'm on medication which curbs the cravings, and to be honest, a month on, I find I'm not taking them as often as I need to because not drinking has become the new norm.

I have more time, I sleep better and I have way more disposable income.

I have engaged with a counsellor and found it to be very helpful.

AA isn't for me (I've been there - was sober for 3 years before my recent relapse) but my counsellor recommended this and I've found it helpful: https://lifering.ie/ They do online meetings every evening.

What's the old saying, 'one is too many and a thousand isn't enough.'

You've recognised it, that's the first thing. It's not easy, but it will change your life for the better. (I'm not saying I won't relapse again - although I hope with the support I have this time it will be easier - but being told at 34 it's 'Stop the nightly drinking, or it'll be a liver transplant next' - was an eye opener for me.

Sorry OP, had to dash off for a work meeting. Keeping yourself busy is good. Anything to distract yourself.

Just take one day at a time. We are willing you to succeed and cheering you on.

How are you doing, @Littlemissbubbles?

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves
Sorry for the delay in replying.
Ive managed to cut down quite a bit, but not entirely. I’m definitely dependent.
Ive looked at some online help, some of it is ok.
Im beginning to think i need to take a break from work. Currently looking into taking a sabbatical. DH is non the wiser regarding the alcohol but thinks a sabbatical would do me good

That's so odd because I was literally just searching for this thread to come back and ask you how you were getting on, and then the notification popped up!

Brilliant to know that you have cut down, even if you haven't actually stopped. That in itself is a huge achievement. A sabbatical sounds like a wonderful idea and it's good that your dh is supportive.

Do you think it might help to confide in him about the drinking? You might feel ashamed and scared that he will judge, but there is actually nothing to be ashamed of when you're trying your best to fix things. And he might be able to help? I know it might feel too hard to do that though...

Keep talking to us if it helps.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves Ok, so you’ve made me cry!!
Hes such a good man, I could tell him, but it would burden him with even more and atm I don’t feel that’s fair to him. He would definitely help me. Yes I’m embarrassed that I’ve allowed myself to get to this place. But I a think, if I take a break from work, I can manage. If not, I guess I’ll have to talk to him

Oh no! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry!

I totally understand you not wanting to tell him, and feeling that you want to deal with it yourself. That's fair enough, and I think you have to do what's right for you. Do you have any support in RL that you could lean on if you're struggling? You might find a weight is lifted if you're able to tell a real person and you realise that nobody is judging!

Taking a break from work sounds like a really excellent idea. Do you think your workplace is likely to be supportive of a request like that?

How are you doing @Littlemissbubbles? Hope everything is OK.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves
We’ve just been away on holiday. Lovely. Took all the children and it made me realise just how important family is. I guess I’ve spent most of my life being the best mum I could be within the constraints of my career.
Ive applied for that sabbatical. Hopefully they’ll give me a year. I need it.
There’s so much I’ve had to sacrifice for work, and I think it’s finally caught up with me!!