Can’t stop!

[Littlemissbubbles]

Ok, so I’ve name changed for this.
im already slightly drunk. If anything happens with the kids, I’ll make an excuse and DH can go.
I’ve been like this for four years!
I hold down a professional job, got a big house etc…. But it’s all crap, I can’t stop
As soon as I know I’m not ‘needed’ to drive, I’m sneaking booze. I know it’s ridiculous, I’ve tried to stop, but a can’t!! Actually I like/hate feeling like this.
But I know I need to stop.

AIBU you’re fine, it’s only 2-3 a night!
URNBU, you know you need help( but that involves telling people, and I can’t!)

It sounds like the compulsion and the secrecy are the big problems here. There could also be something around the relief of knowing you're not needed and immediately getting a drink.

From a biological perspective, one glass of wine a day shouldn't have a serious health impact, but given the secrecy and urge to drink, the amount you are drinking could escalate.

Have you considered counselling?

My mum is an alcoholic (doesn’t drink now but only because she had brain damage due to the booze). This started when she was in her 40s where she’d ‘need’ a drink after work. She had a couple of life events that made her up the alcohol and she ended up drinking heavily for almost 25 years. It ruined our family and she’s only in her early 70s but she’s like a 90 year old.

my advice is that if you feel you need a drink and you have to hide it the only thing you can do is stop completely. If you need help with this then start with the GP, it’s much better to get help now as the more you drink the more in denial you’ll get and the harder it will be.

This is exactly my concern. I know what I’m doing is stupid. But it’s like I need that little pick me up before I start a busy afternoon/ evening.
I posted instead of sneaking another few sips whilst I’m cooking. It’s worked!!
I need to stop and find another pick me up. A healthy one….

The obvious one is tea. Maybe try that - nice tea, pot, sit down and have a break?

I literally drink more than you, but if you feel like it’s a problem then you should seek help.

A third of a bottle is just a large glass so not so bad!

I'd be more worried about the sneaking bit.

Just drink a large glass of something less alcoholic. Like a can of G&T instead. And don't drink til after 9pm.

To all the people saying a third of a bottle is not so bad, a third of a bottle is likely to be around 3 units. Drinking that much on a daily basis puts you way over the recommended limit. And a lot of research suggests that the current limits are probably too high in any case.

OK, well you have to start by getting real. If you regularly drink 1/3 of a bottle of wine a night, there’s no way you are slightly drunk from it. I’ve been there - you won’t even feel it.
So, straight off the bat, if you want advice (and we’re all strangers here, there’s no rl comeback!) you need to be honest about the extent of your drinking.

@ErrolTheDragon
that sounds nice. I’ll definitely do that tomorrow

1/3 bottle of wine a night is over the recommended units over a week. The most problematic thing is the hiding it. My DH wouldn't think twice if I had a glass of wine or a g&t while I'm making dinner - why do you need to hide it? I think you know that your drinking is a problem and you need to stop. I'd recommend speaking to your DH and other family members and be honest. Secrets have a way of coming out and causing great upset.

I’d say it’s more an issue of getting rid of the stresses in your life and then the drinking will resolve itself probably. But easier said than done.

Just to show how this can escalate...

Pre-2020, I drank two bottles of beer or similar on a Friday and a Saturday night. 4 bottles in total.

2020-2022 this increased significantly with lockdowns, bereavements, redundancy, divorce and a house purchase. I still think, fair enough. It was a shit time. But that increase became a bridge that led to...

2025: I have been drinking every day, and consuming, on average:
30 bottles of beer
3 bottles of wine
10 double Jack Daniels and coke
Per week. On average, that's nearly 8,000 calories. I've gone from a size 10 to a size 18.

It IS a slippery slope and it comes with secrecy, shame, compulsion and misery. You could be having a thimble of whisky or something, I don't think the amount should be the focus. It's the feelings around it that need to be looked at and that need some support.

If you were having a little glass of wine of a night when you fancied one and there was no shame or secrecy attached and it wasn't problematic, that's different.

@Swiftie1878
i get what you’re saying. But im 5’2 and 7 stone. I started my shift at 7am today and didn’t stop until I finished. My bad for not having breakfast, but it is what it is. I worked right through non stop. Picked up my child after her afternoon exam. And instead of eating I had some wine. So yes it went straight to my head.
DH came home with flowers, I cried! and finished off dinner while I had a shower. I feel better now, about to eat. I won’t drink again tonight.
I know I need to stop as I feel it’s escalating, that’s why I posted

@Endofyear
you are absolutely right

It's not ridiculous, I think you are taking the first step in recognising there is something not right. There's no definition of how many units of alcohol a week makes you an alcoholic. It's more about your relationship with alcohol and your need for it.

You say you are drinking about twice the recommended weekly limit. It's easy to underestimate or overlook your actual consumption. What you think and what you do don't always tally. The fact that you are reaching out on MN is a sign that you know something isn't right concerning how you use alcohol.

If you can't wait for a drink or you're finding yourself midweek stealing a pre-drink during the late afternoon before DH gets home, then you have a problem. I know this because I'm a recovered alcoholic. I knew I was a heavy drinker but as I came from a family of heavy drinkers my usage didn't seem necessarily unusual. I recognise now that I was actually a high-functioning alcoholic. For me the signs were that my DH and DC didn't like me later on in the evenings when I became outspoken, slightly loud and on a couple occasions quite bitchy. Another sign was finding myself in the drinks aisle in supermarkets and not sure why I was there when I had other things on my list. On one occasion, I got quite tipsy during the week in the middle of the afternoon, I didn't even plan to have a drink, I just reached for it for no reason. If any of these resonate with your experience then you need to seek help.

I reached out to my DH (he knew I drank heavily). I explained the signs and that I wanted to make that change, to stop. I joined a virtual AA meeting via Zoom (non-secular). I drew strength from their non-secular step programme which I adapted for my needs. You won't be the only person in a stressful job who uses alcohol.

That was 4 years ago, I did it, so can you. You've already recognised that something isn't right and you are reaching out. That's the first step.

I don’t think work helps, but there’s nothing I can do about that.
But yes I need to chill, and find another quick way to become mum at home.

You've been really brave and taken that first step of admitting it's a problem! Look after yourself lovely 💐

OK so you need to eat properly, please make an effort to eat breakfast, or if not then you eat as soon as you finish work. Your "pick me up" can be nice food. Also buy nice soft drinks, maybe learn how to make "mocktails". And think about taking up yoga, just 10 or 15 minutes a day can make a real difference to stress levels and your mood.

firstly, dont buy it in the house
secondly, try to distract yourself during the danger time eg if its between the time you finish work and dinner. Idk go for a walk, play with the kids, go in the bath.

You asked whether it's too much, so just going on bare number crunching:

• 1/3 a bottle of 13.5% wine is 3.375 units a night.
• The NHS recommend a weekly maximum consumption for men & women that averages to 2 units a night.
• So you're 68% over the NHs' recommended limit for both men & women.

If you are average height/build for a female, the same amount of booze will do you a bit more harm than if you're average height/build for a male , but it's sexist to point out that women are on average smaller, and should therefore drink a bit less, so you can do you're own risk assessment on that, based on your dimensions.

If you struggle to go a couple of days without feeling deprived that you're not getting a drink then you have a problem. The real tell here is that you're hiding it. There are a couple of addicts in my family, so trust me when I say that your children will notice at some point.

It’s not sexist, it’s just reality that women on average can’t drink as much as men - it’s not just size (and the OP is tiny), it’s differences in metabolism too.
I’m 5’1 but heavier than her and a third of a bottle would be Xmas dinner with a lot of food territory.

I think you missed my sarcasm.

How did you get on today, OP?

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves
Good thank you, I did have a tea!
Ive also been to the supermarket and bought a few different teas. Kept myself busy extra busy by starting clearing for a house move. Had a long bath. Feeling ok

That’s really good-I think the fact you’ve recognised that it’s an issue for you is brilliant xxx