What’s your opinion on adults telling children their emotions

[Yolomy]

Not said in jest or in a silly way, said seriously, to child regularly. Variations of the below phrases, parent to child after not seeing them for a few days:

I missed you so much all I did was cry

I cried the whole time I didn’t see you as I missed you

I have been crying every day when you weren’t here

I cry when I am not with you as I miss you so badly

That would be emotional abuse

Inappropriate and manipulative, very immature behaviour.

It’s over the top but not emotional abuse

that’s abusive and does nothing but cause anxiety for the kids .

With just that info I'd say this is not a healthy/appropriate way to talk with kids. If nothing else it's surely not true - presume the parent isn't actually crying all day.

However I do think fine to discuss emotions in an appropriate way - appropriate both in terms of their age and in terms of healthy boundaries/relationships between you

It is emotionally abusive but hopefully not intended to be.

If it's the parent, it's an awful way to talk to your kids. If it's a grandparent, the parent can react to show the child that this isn't a good idea.

There’s a difference between sharing emotions and guilt tripping

It's not OK.

Instead, the parent could have said something like:

"I was thinking about you and hoping you were having a lovely time"

This.

I think it’s emotionally abusive. My mum said this kind of thing all the time and I grew up feeling a) responsible for her emotions and b) guilty for ever wanting to do anything without her. It stunted me socially a lot.

I don’t know which vote is which but this is a terrible amount of pressure to put on a child

In the examples you've given, it's not appropriate. It's making the child feel guilty for being apart from the parent, and that's not healthy. Absolutely fine to say 'Yay, you're back! I missed you. Did you have a lovely time?' but 'I cried all day because you weren't here' or 'When you go away and have a lovely time I just sit here crying and being sad' feels very manipulative and suffocating.

Horrible

I'd say depends on the context and I'm not sure necessarily abusive. I think the sentiment 'i really missed you whilst you were away' is fine.

'i was crying every day', perhaps makes it the child's responsibility or suggests the adult had lost control of the situation which may cause anxiety.

School trip where the child should be having fun and feeling safe, not fine to make it so drawn out. The adult needs to control themselves and put the child first. Obv they may be sobbing every night but it's not the child's issue.

Maybe if the child was in hospital, more understandable to show more emotion. I'd say if it was something like a non life threatening accident after the fact, fine to show emotion and say they'd had a cry, but maybe a child going through something more worrying might need more reassurance.

This is actual interesting post as I feel it might be cultural. I'm from a very stiff upper lip family. Parents losing control emotionally like that would have caused a lot of anxiety. If it was a culture where crying and emoting were more every day, I'm sure it wouldn't.

It's given the child a clear message that they are somehow responsible for that adult and their emotional state.

That it is their fault that the adult was distressed and crying.

A one off, just bad parenting, constant pattern for their relationship - abusive.

It's absolutely emotional abuse to make a child feel guilty and sad about spending any time apart from a parent.

I'd think the adult was emotionally incontinent and needy and setting that child up to go NC as soon as he or she is old enough to get away.

That's awful.

I tell DD I missed her - but not in a way that makes her feel responsible for making me sad! I did it yesterday, she came out of school and I said 'hi Baby, did you have a good day? I missed you today' and gave her a cuddle.

This is abusive, it's making the child feel guilt for making the adult sad. It's outside the child's control, and it's not the child's job to manage the emotions of a fully grown adult.

It's counter productive too. I'd want nothing to do with someone who carped on like that every time I saw them!

My friend used to tell her kids she missed them when they were at their dads. Her rational was that she didn't want the kids to think she didn't miss them when they weren't there. When I pointed out to her that it might make them feel bad about going to their dad's and that they would worry about her being alone, she realised it was a mistake. She stopped saying it and if they asked if she missed them, she said 'Of course but I've been very busy getting the house clean and tidy and going to work'! It's not fair to put the emotional burden on the children even when you miss them dreadfully.

Well that's certainly a fast track way to screw up your kid

Ugh to the examples

When I see my kid at pick up from school I say 'hi honey, I'm so glad to see you again!'

I prefer it to 'I missed you so much!' as I don't want them to think it's really normal for someone to intensely miss someone who has done something for a few hours. And I don't want them to feel like going to school is causing me upset because I miss them so much.

That isn’t sharing emotions, that’s emotional abuse.
I will absolutely share how I’m feeling with my child (e.g I’m a bit grumpy because something happened a work or I’m a bit sad because my friend is poorly) but what is being said in the OP is wholly inappropriate

Yes, exactly - my mum and dad used to say things like 'We missed you! But we had lots to do while you were away so the time went really fast' or 'It's so lovely to have you back home, we missed you. But guess what? While you were away we had time to [do some sort of grown up shopping / socialising thing that I would have found boring]'.