To ask how you found your neurotribe?

mimblewimble · 16/05/2025 07:55

Interesting idea, that you'd get on with people just because they are ND...

I'm suspected ND and part of what led to this suspicion is my kids and most of my friends being autistic or having ADHD. So it's kind of the other way around! I don't click with most people, but the ones I do click with tend to be ND. And they'll have been the one other ND person in whatever situation I was in!

I wonder whether you'd have more success finding other ND people if it was an interest-based thing. Is there anything you're into that you could go to a group/club/meetup for?

Ddakji · 16/05/2025 07:57

So you don’t have an official diagnosis, just what a therapist thinks?

I would be very wary of going hunting for any online tribe of self-diagnosed people.

maximalistmaximus · 16/05/2025 07:57

What a crap therapist.

are you paying for this?

Original poster

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 07:59

That is really interesting @mimblewimble . To be honest, I’ve been a bit doubtful. She’s convinced I am autistic but I feel like other autistics may not be the best people to lean on for support. Perhaps I’m being unfair.

As I have a young baby and am not working, the obvious opportunity is to find other women in the same position who are around in the daytime.

OP posts:

soupyspoon · 16/05/2025 08:02

Well you might be ND, you might not, but instead of viewing people through a divisive ND vs NT lens, why not just find groups or meet ups or hobbies that will fit around your current life style and routines and interests

Where has this trend for seeing people's disorders as identities come from? I think its really toxic

Piul · 16/05/2025 08:02

She sounds a pretty shit therapist tbh, I’d change therapists, if you want to make friends I’d go for more hobby based things.

soupyspoon · 16/05/2025 08:02

I mean 'neurotribe' !!!

FFS

Original poster

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 08:03

Ddakji · 16/05/2025 07:57

So you don’t have an official diagnosis, just what a therapist thinks?

I would be very wary of going hunting for any online tribe of self-diagnosed people.

She’s nearly 60, has been a doing this her entire career, is ND herself and could detect without doubt within 10 minutes of meeting me that I am also ND. I was right there on her A-dar.

She says for the sake of the ND community I should get myself an official diagnosis though as it’s not really fair to them to have self-diagnosed dabbling in.

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ifyoudont · 16/05/2025 08:04

I mean it’s definitely a good idea to find other women with young babies around in the daytime you can lean on for support. Some of which may be ND but I don’t think they all need to be

Feliciacat · 16/05/2025 08:05

She says you should get diagnosed for the ND community’s sake? A diagnosis should only be sought if you feel it would benefit you. She sounds like a therapist who lets personal feelings get in the way of her advice.

Pinkrabitt · 16/05/2025 08:05

soupyspoon · 16/05/2025 08:02

Well you might be ND, you might not, but instead of viewing people through a divisive ND vs NT lens, why not just find groups or meet ups or hobbies that will fit around your current life style and routines and interests

Where has this trend for seeing people's disorders as identities come from? I think its really toxic

This.

Piul · 16/05/2025 08:06

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 08:03

She’s nearly 60, has been a doing this her entire career, is ND herself and could detect without doubt within 10 minutes of meeting me that I am also ND. I was right there on her A-dar.

She says for the sake of the ND community I should get myself an official diagnosis though as it’s not really fair to them to have self-diagnosed dabbling in.

Show quote history

She’s honestly terrible, seek a formal diagnosis, so you know one way or another, because she doesn’t know, they’re fairly long, forms etc because you can’t just magically sense autistic people.

SunnieShine · 16/05/2025 08:08

soupyspoon · 16/05/2025 08:02

I mean 'neurotribe' !!!

FFS

Yep, I have ADHD and have never seen it as a "tribe". Nor a "superpower", I might add.

ChocolateMagnum · 16/05/2025 08:10

She sounds awful! However, being diagnosed and finding other people who have does help many women at last feel like they fit in somewhere after decades of always feeling just outside of every group they're in. But ditch her. Find another therapist, read about autism and ADHD in women and think about whether seeking an assessment might be the right thing for you. Be kind to yourself x

x2boys · 16/05/2025 08:10

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 07:49

I’ve been seeing a therapist recently who says I am neurodivergent. Instead of getting dependent on her, she thinks it would be more beneficial for me to just take some sertraline and find my neurotribe for some peer support. She’s suggested I look on MeetUp.com. I’ve tried this but the nearest ND meet up is over an hour away from me which is not ideal as I have a baby and small child. There are some things on Zoom and I’m wondering how good those are as a substitute?

How have others here found their neurotribes? And how long did it take before you felt like they were really a source of support? I feel as if she’s talking as if I’ll just go to one meet up and instantly get sorted with a great new friendship group who are all living in each other's pockets. Whereas I feel the reality may be rather different and that I may not even end up exchanging numbers with anyone the first time. It could take quite a while to find people I really click with even amongst other neurodivergents and then to take time to get to properly get to know them.

Am I sounding overly pessimistic? How has it been for others?

The therapist isn't in anyway qualified to say that if you think.you maybe ND seek,an assesment.

YellowPostIts · 16/05/2025 08:11

The “ND Community”?

ND covers everything from autism and ADHD to dyslexia, dyspraxia, OCD, Tourette’s etc etc.

My DD is ND, none of her friends are. She’d be be pretty non-plussed if you suggested she should find a tribe of other ND people for support. She doesn’t consider her neurodivergence a defining characteristic.

She has a close relative who is also ND, they have very little in common.

DeafLeppard · 16/05/2025 08:12

Sorry, this sounds like complete bollocks. Does she really mean you just need friends?

Lapidarian · 16/05/2025 08:12

Well, as someone who’s had a lot of therapy, in different countries, I think she sounds unprofessional and unwise. She has no qualifications to ‘diagnose’ you, not all neurodiverse people automatically bond, and what is this about you seeking out your ‘neurotribe’ so as not to be “too dependent’ on her? Do you think you’re too dependent on her?

Original poster

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 08:12

I have read about people who, after discovering they’re ND, have then found others who are also and it has transformed their lives just knowing there are others who think in the same ways they do. So I do get it. There’s surely a difference between that and finding an instant group of friends for life who can be a substitute for a therapist though.

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dotdotdotdash · 16/05/2025 08:12

You Might want to think about getting a new therapist… Do you feel isolated and in need of a support network? Is this how her suggestion came up? If so, it can be much more productive to learn how to connect better with the people around you in your existing community (eg family, old friends, parents’ groups, neighbours). I am wary of groups on basis of ND or Mental health conditions as they can falsely proscribe limits and encourage over emphasis on what’s ‘wrong’ with you. Reading around the subject and using support groups can be really helpful but not as the basis of your social life.

MoistVonL · 16/05/2025 08:13

She sounds like she’s talking out of her arse.

Or at the very least, through a filter relating to her own issues, not what might be best suited to her client.

Neurotribe, ffs.

FlockofSquirrels · 16/05/2025 08:13

I was right there on her A-dar.

Uh huh. Let me tell you what’s showing up on my BS-dar…

soupyspoon · 16/05/2025 08:13

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 08:12

I have read about people who, after discovering they’re ND, have then found others who are also and it has transformed their lives just knowing there are others who think in the same ways they do. So I do get it. There’s surely a difference between that and finding an instant group of friends for life who can be a substitute for a therapist though.

There will be lots of people that think like you and are not ND.

Its called being human.

Original poster

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 08:15

Feliciacat · 16/05/2025 08:05

She says you should get diagnosed for the ND community’s sake? A diagnosis should only be sought if you feel it would benefit you. She sounds like a therapist who lets personal feelings get in the way of her advice.

Yes she seriously says this. She was quite defensive of her community. They find it hard to have people try to join who might be the real thing. Although I’ve read some group descriptions which say this is fine.

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x2boys · 16/05/2025 08:18

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 08:03

She’s nearly 60, has been a doing this her entire career, is ND herself and could detect without doubt within 10 minutes of meeting me that I am also ND. I was right there on her A-dar.

She says for the sake of the ND community I should get myself an official diagnosis though as it’s not really fair to them to have self-diagnosed dabbling in.

Show quote history

Really ??
My son is severely autistic and was diagnosed at three
It still.took seven months of assessments to get a,diagnosis
She can't just decide you are ND
Does she even have an official diagnosis herslf?