To ask how you found your neurotribe?

[MaybeND]

I’ve been seeing a therapist recently who says I am neurodivergent. Instead of getting dependent on her, she thinks it would be more beneficial for me to just take some sertraline and find my neurotribe for some peer support. She’s suggested I look on MeetUp.com. I’ve tried this but the nearest ND meet up is over an hour away from me which is not ideal as I have a baby and small child. There are some things on Zoom and I’m wondering how good those are as a substitute?

How have others here found their neurotribes? And how long did it take before you felt like they were really a source of support? I feel as if she’s talking as if I’ll just go to one meet up and instantly get sorted with a great new friendship group who are all living in each other's pockets. Whereas I feel the reality may be rather different and that I may not even end up exchanging numbers with anyone the first time. It could take quite a while to find people I really click with even amongst other neurodivergents and then to take time to get to properly get to know them.

Am I sounding overly pessimistic? How has it been for others?

Who does she mean by “her community” and “they find it hard”

Who is they? A specific organisation ?

Because otherwise it’s not like all ND people get together for club meetings and all agree and think alike.

If she didn't think you are autistic then you wouldn't need to be paying for her services so of course she says that! Therapists have to keep the money coming in somehow.

She sounds like bad news, OP. She’s your therapist, not the gatekeeper for people with autism, in case the self-diagnosed try to slip in. She’s supposed to be a neutral presence, only disclosing information about herself rarely and carefully, if it can be helpful in the therapeutic process.

My (none-evidence based) opinion is that a lot of Autistic people will have a special interest in neurodiversity - this is one of the things that can make them such amazing advocates for the Community. I have also wondered if autistic women are drawn to careers such as psychotherapy because it gives them chance to explore and understand human behavior. I am not autistic myself but I have a daughter who was diagnosed as a young teenager so I am reading and learning all the time. I am also very happy to be corrected by actual autistic people in anything I say!

Anyway, new motherhood is a huge shift in identity in and of itself. Whether now is the right time to consider another change to your identity is a choice for you to make. If you are autistic, you will still be autistic in 5 years time, and you will still be autistic even if you never go through the formal diagnostic procedure. And so will lots of other people that you meet.

So no harm to focus on things that are local and accessible to you that you can get to, and maybe "lurk" in some of the online neurodiverse spaces - lots of people you can follow on Instagram that don't expect engagement, while you consider how to proceed. Best of luck - I hope you fi d the connection that you are looking for.

She sounds honestly like one of the worst therapists I’ve ever heard of.

She doesn’t want to work with me though. She’d rather I found my neurotribe.

She sounds like she doesn’t want to treat you

there’s a middle ground between no therapy and becoming dependent on therapy, that you therapist is choosing to ignore for some reason

By any chance have you posted multiple times about payment issues with this therapist? And whether or not to contact her with feedback?

The more you say about her, the more unprofessional she sounds. I’d find someone new, whatever you decide to do about seeking a diagnosis.

No. This definitely wasnt me. No payment issues.

I wonder. She is perhaps just a bit Marmite because she has a reallllly long waiting list.

I'm wondering why she's recommending medication. She's not a doctor, and there is no mediation for autism.

I'm a late diagnosed autistic woman, with a private diagnosis from the Lorna Wing Centre in London. If you're concerned you may be autistic and have a spare £2k to chuck at finding out, I do recommend seeking those answers.

My friends are from the local choir and church. I dip into a neurodiversity network at work but don't find it great. The self diagnosed have completely taken over and there is no space for actually diagnosed voices.

She told you this?

or you actually had to wait months until you got your first app?

I would be extremely sceptical of any professional claiming to diagnose someone without a doubt in a few minutes

OP in life the only person you can trust fully is yourself. When people tell you they are great and label you, stop and think does this give them an advantage over you?
My experience of therapy, albeit years ago, was that the therapist drew out my concerns and helped me work out where my patterns were (taking on responsibility for other adults/ feelings of guilt) and helped with strategies moving forward. I was active and not passive as it was about me and not her.
Try another therapist I think you'll be surprised.

By getting a niche job in a niche profession

The therapist reminds me of the one in this video at 2.28
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’Neurotribe’ sounds a load of nonsense to me. Why would you be better off with people who have problems in life as you do? That’s only going to weigh you down even more.

Video

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bek1y2uiQGA&pp=ygUGQXZpaWNp

There will be many neurodiverse people who do not think in the same ways you do. There will be many neurotypical people who will be much closer to your way of thinking. It sounds to me like she's making excuses and backing out of her obligation to you as a therapist, if not actually washing her hands of you (because she likes your money). To be honest, what you should have done is headed for the door when she started bandying about such nonsense as neurotribe and A-dar. Did she mention neurospicy? That was a trendy word a couple of years ago. Find a better therapist and seek a diagnosis. You might or might not be nt but she definitely isn't clairvoyant.

I think you need a different therapist. There is no such thing as a "neurotribe". To find your "tribe", your people, you need to have common ground, shared interests. If the only thing you have in common is being neurodiverse, then you won't really have much of a bond. Yes, being ND makes us think differently from the norm, but really, your people are the ones who share your passions. It makes far more sense to look for friends with the same interests and hobbies; some of them may turn out to be ND anyway. It's our spirit and the things we love that define who we are, not the labels that we are given by society.

Ignoring the very important points about the therapist which I to agree with. I just wanted the answer the “actual” question.

I was diagnosed autistic as an adult. I never felt I really fitted in. I did have a couple of friends though. I started talking to people online via a forum for a hobby/interest I liked. They were having a pre hobby meet up in the pub one year. So I decided to go along. (Was terrified. I have horrible social anxiety). But I put myself out of my comfort zone and went along. I made loads of friends from it! I met my husband as well at one of the meet ups. Turns out, at least 80% of those in the group are autistic/ADHD or other ND conditions of various abilities. My husband is also autistic. So I truly feel like I fit in. That’s not just because they are all diagnosed though. It’s really because we all have similar interest. But it does help that we all kind of “get” why the others might behave in ways they do.

How do you know she has a long waiting list? Therapists shouldn’t be ‘Marmite’ — the point about Marmite is that it’s an overwhelmingly strong flavour people either love or loathe. That’s not proper therapist behaviour. There shouldn’t be any ‘flavour’ off the therapist at all! Sessions are about you. I’ve been seeing my therapist for just over a year, and she’s been incredibly helpful in aiding me to make big breakthroughs (dealing in my 50s with long effects of CSA), and I know literally nothing about her other than where her rooms are, apart from once, when she asked if she could share something from her own experience I might find helpful.

How long have you been seeing this therapist and in what context? As in, what sort of therapist is she and is she registered and accredited with a specific body like BACP? I am newly qualified and think it would be very unusual for a good therapist to say YOU ARE this and YOU SHOULD that. Most therapists would be more likely say they've noticed traits of xyz and how would you feel about exploring that more and doing ABC or whatever? Telling you what to do, especially if you haven't got a long therapeutic relationship sounds very dodgy to me, unless you went to her asking about neurodivergence specifically and she belongs to a neuro divergent based organisation which is providing the therapy.

I’ve felt quite isolated since my baby was born. I really wish now that I’d done something like NCT and gone through the transition with others in the same boat. However I didn’t because I had a very difficult pregnancy (there was genuine concern from early on baby may not make it) and didn’t feel up to connecting with others then. I had a lot of professional support around that time. However that all ended once baby arrived safely and I found myself feeling very alone all through the winter months.

I do get out quite a bit now with baby to groups, etc. And yes we have met others. We’re seeing some later today in fact. It’s been quite slow going though and they’re fairly superficial friendships. Certainly they’re not people I feel I could suddenly completely unburden myself to. She seems to be suggesting that a neurotribe would be different and that the connection would instantly be much stronger.

Can’t get this to work. I was thinking how funny it would be if it turned out to be her.