AIBU to be angry at my husband for spending 3.5 hours at the gym on the day of our baby girls first birthday?

[burns4273]

Please help.

It’s very sad - I can’t imagine my DH not wanting to spend the day together as a family if he was free. What does he do for 3 hours anyway?!

What time did he go, did it impact you in any way (like if you were having people over and had to prepare everything by yourself) or did it stop you going out for the day? More context needed I reckon op.

Oh ffs, What an idiotic reply. Don’t you think he should realise it was his DD’s bday so his wife might like to plan something to celebrate?? Or you know, he could step up and plan something himself?? 🙄

Think he was avoiding something... or did something else as well..
3.5 hours is A Very Long TIme at the gym by anyone's standards op

This ^. YANBU. Even if you hadn't planned anything he should want to spend the day together as a family. He should have wanted to take her out somewhere even if its to a farm or something. I wouldn't be happy either OP. Unless he works in a gym not sure what he does there for three hours? Are you sure he was at the gym?

3.5 hours which led him to missing his DDs birthday party - a big problem
3.5 hours which meant he didn't see his DD on her birthday - a big problem
3.5 hours fitted around his DDs birthday party and spending time with his DD on her birthday - not a problem at all*

*caveat than in general 3.5 hours seems a lot plus both parents should get equal down time - but not a problem regarding DD and her birthday.

Bottom line is he prioritised himself first rather than his DD and wife.
Selfish.

Depends. Does he have form for disappearing. What time of day did he disappear? Was it weekend, was baby at nursery, were plans made? Was he involved before and after the gym? If he went to the gym straight after work and missed a whole evening with her, that's a problem. Even bigger problem if it's a regular thing.

Yanbu.

We need more info
How long does he normally go to the gym?
What time did he go to the gym? If baby was asleep then it’s fine. If OP had to host party on her own then she’s not unreasonable.
I think that the people who point out that the baby doesn’t know forget that what happens this year could set expectations and precedents for next year. If OP doesn’t say something this year then the h could think that OP is being unreasonable next year when he does the same again.

The thing about relationships, especially when children come along, is that we have certain expectations based on our own perspective. We often don’t live up to each others’ expectations, either because we/they are emotionally immature, not good at communicating their needs, or just self involved. We need to learn to communicate what we expect and understand that we can’t control their behaviour. It would be great if our partners understood that on their child’s first birthday we should be together as a family. But sadly that’s not how some people think. Maybe, tomorrow when you’re less upset, calmly communicate to him that you expected that you would spend the day together and that maybe he didn’t understand that. It would be great if next time he could consider what you want too. I don’t know how your relationship is so it may be that he becomes defensive and aggressive, or maybe he will respond kindly and say that he misunderstood and next time he’ll be more aware.

Blimey, I’ve obviously touched a nerve. Maybe

My point was simply that the OP didn’t give any of the information. She doesn’t even say if there was a party at all, what kind of party it might have been, or what time her husband went to the gym, or whether he did anything else that day. She just said it was the baby’s first birthday. You’re making one hell of a leap here.

As I said in my post - if he needed to be around for a party (by which I meant the party and any associated ‘prep’) he should have been. The rest of the day, though, doesn’t matter.

I wouldn’t have a party for a one-year-old at all, personally. Not my scene. I might invite their grandparents over for cake and candles and take some photos, which is what my family and friends have mostly done. But that’s all. None of my mates have done the whole cake-smash photoshoot, balloon arch, mound of presents and catering kind of thing for first birthdays. So I didn’t make any assumptions either way about what was happening at the OP’s house.

I spend 3.5 hours at the gym...a week.

I could imagine spending 2 hours in one visit but not more.

Do people just dump these vague posts then give no further context just to be annoying? Surely it totally depends on the context. 3.5 hrs in the middle of the day whilst mum is running around frantically trying to make little one's first birthday perfect and possibly even having to host a party/entertain guests? Seriously not cool and worthy of divorce papers. 3.5 hours at the end of the day after little one is in bed or early am before they wake up? Still excessive but if he's not doing it every day and allowing mum time to do the same then fair enough. Totally pointless post that feels deliberately vague in order to attention seek so I guess we'll never know.

How do we know?
The OP hasn't come back so we don't know anything about the situation really.
If they are both those people that are all "I hate fuss/attention/gifts on my birthday" and they've always been like that in their relationship and they never actually had a conversation about what to do on their baby's birthday is he meant to use psychic powers to know that she would actually like to do something?

Not unreasonable at all

YANBU- that’s rubbish parenting. But you’ve not given enough context. If it was at night when she was asleep it’s not a big deal. Middle of the day? That’s not ok.

YANBU