AIBU to be angry at my husband for spending 3.5 hours at the gym on the day of our baby girls first birthday?

Stopsnowing · 15/05/2025 23:11

Yabu

Spectre8 · 15/05/2025 23:11

Depends on what the day was like was he ay work all day then went to the gym after for 3.5hrs and missed alot or spent no time with her?

Lapidarian · 15/05/2025 23:12

Well, as long as you got equivalent free time, is it a problem?

ZekeZeke · 15/05/2025 23:12

All depends really.
Did you have something arranged and he buggered off to the gym?

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 15/05/2025 23:12

3.5 hours at the gym is a ridiculous amount of time on any occasion unless he works there.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 15/05/2025 23:13

Oh that's really sad, OP. YANBU

Needmorelego · 15/05/2025 23:14

Did you have a specific plan for the day?If a plan was made but he decided to ignore it and go to the gym then that's bad.
If you hadn't planned something between the two of you then how would he know you wanted to do something special?

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 15/05/2025 23:15

YANBU and we now have proof that some people’s replies are just plain stupid.

Butchyrestingface · 15/05/2025 23:17

3.5 hours in the gym - he must be built like a Greek God.

Aaaaannnnnyway, 3.5 hours seems excessive, first birthday or not. Were you having a party and he left you to deal with it all yourself? Did he attend the party?

Your daughter won't remember any of it in years to come though.

ItGhoul · 15/05/2025 23:18

If he went to the gym during her birthday party, that’s bad. If he went at any other point during the day, why does it matter? A baby doesn’t have a clue what a birthday is and doesn’t give a hoot who is or isn’t there all day. It isn’t necessary for both parents to be there for the entire day.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 15/05/2025 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bechange997 · 15/05/2025 23:19

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 15/05/2025 23:12

3.5 hours at the gym is a ridiculous amount of time on any occasion unless he works there.

Yes, I’d either worry he had some sort of eating/body disorder, or that he wasn’t actually going to the gym and it’s something else.

outerspacepotato · 15/05/2025 23:20

3 and a half hours at the gym?

Ummmmm. Unless he's running an Ironman soon, I'd be skeptical.

But. Was he supposed to stay home all day long? Did you have plans? Your kid's one, they won't remember.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 15/05/2025 23:21

Lapidarian · 15/05/2025 23:12

Well, as long as you got equivalent free time, is it a problem?

It's their daughters birthday!

Glamorous24 · 15/05/2025 23:21

YAdefinitelyNBU.

im going to hazard a guess that this time in the gym coincided with you arranging some kind of birthday party?

what kind of father buggers off to the gym for that length of time on their child’s birthday.

it’s absolutely not the point that your baby won’t remember it. You will. Baby parties are for the parents to mark the occasion.

wizzywig · 15/05/2025 23:21

My view is: he is showing you what his priorities are

Needmorelego · 15/05/2025 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

A birthday on a Thursday means a lot of blokes (and women) would be at work on their child's birthday.
We celebrated our daughter's first birthday on a Saturday. Her birthday was actually the following Tuesday.

Spirallingdownwards · 15/05/2025 23:23

What time did he go to the gym?
Did you have plans?
What time were they for?
Did they go ahead at the planned time?
If yes, then YABU.

NaiceRedMentor · 15/05/2025 23:39

ItGhoul · 15/05/2025 23:18

If he went to the gym during her birthday party, that’s bad. If he went at any other point during the day, why does it matter? A baby doesn’t have a clue what a birthday is and doesn’t give a hoot who is or isn’t there all day. It isn’t necessary for both parents to be there for the entire day.

Because preparing for the day. Spend it as a family. Help with tasks. Help partner

NaiceRedMentor · 15/05/2025 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Codlingmoths · 15/05/2025 23:44

ItGhoul · 15/05/2025 23:18

If he went to the gym during her birthday party, that’s bad. If he went at any other point during the day, why does it matter? A baby doesn’t have a clue what a birthday is and doesn’t give a hoot who is or isn’t there all day. It isn’t necessary for both parents to be there for the entire day.

It’s so lucky that you’ve discovered how to have birthday parties that take no prep or organisation! Tell us your secret! It’s also really lucky for your partner that he doesn’t have to worry about if you’d like to do something or whether you have plans, he can just disappear and the children are looked after. Does he realise how lucky he is, that all the grumpy not cool wives like me insist their partners actively share parenting and family life?

Gyozas · 15/05/2025 23:46

Needmorelego · 15/05/2025 23:14

Did you have a specific plan for the day?If a plan was made but he decided to ignore it and go to the gym then that's bad.
If you hadn't planned something between the two of you then how would he know you wanted to do something special?

On his baby’s birthday? He didn’t think it might be nice to mark it in some way? He didn’t think the OP might like to mark it in some way?

Sure, as people like to bang on about on here, the baby doesn’t know exactly what a birthday is, but she’s totally capable of having fun at one, and getting enjoyment from a special fuss of her, from which will grow a childish glee about birthdays.

People will fall all over themselves to defend this man’s selfish bullshit. I don’t understand that on here.

aylis · 15/05/2025 23:46

That's excessive under any circumstances.

PinkyFlamingo · 15/05/2025 23:49

What kind of help are you looking for?

Needmorelego · 16/05/2025 00:04

@Gyozas I agree he sounds like a twat for doing this but (not defending him btw) it's frequently said on Mumsnet that some people just "aren't interested in birthdays" so who knows what his thinking is and unless the OP tells us we can't really offer her much advice.
It's also a common Mumsnet issue that spouses never seem to talk to each other and just expect to communicate through mind reading.