To wonder if this is normal school policy for 3 year olds starting Pre-school?

[AnneMarieW]

My just turned 3 year old started pre-school today (they’ve been ill otherwise they would have started straight after Easter) - and just so I’m not dripfeeding they are my PFB after lots of IVF, will likely be an only child and have been at home with me till now (only ever babysat by grandparents), so accept I may be being overprotective.

I was surprised at the school open day that they only showed parents the pre- school classroom and a second empty classroom where they chatted with us - no tour of the rest of the school or grounds. But it’s as my closest school (easily walkable) and I want my DC to hopefully make friends locally, plus it gets a good Ofsted report, I made the choice to send DC there (although no school here is oversubscribed so there is a wide choice).

But they apparently also have no settling-in policy for pre-school (no limited starting hours or parent staying for the first session etc), no home visit to meet the child, no form to fill in about their likes/dislikes etc. I had to ask them to let my DC visit the school with me but again my DC only met one teacher and again only saw the pre-school classroom (there are 2 teachers in the class and multiple TA’s).

Then at drop off today, the 2nd pre-school teacher they hadn’t met before (so a stranger to DC) met us at the school gate and ushered them in - apparently parents aren’t normally allowed inside even on the first day as it’s disruptive to the children?

Is this the norm for starting pre-school? It seems very “throw them in at the deep end” and hope for the best.

How did your child get on?

It sounds fine to me tbh - I think there is far too much fussing around with settling in, parents hanging round etc. A home visit just seems massively OTT too.

Yes.

actual school will do a home visit.

nurseries or childminders will do settling in sessions .

I’ve only done nursery not pre-school but seems fairly normal to me.

do you like their key worker / the setting?

I think parents coming in would be very disruptive and make it worse for the kids

You’ll be able to see the rest of the school when you’re looking to do your applications for primary school. I’d imagine some parents aren’t interested in seeing that now because maybe it’s their preferred pre-school, but only because their preferred/nearest primary school doesn’t have a pre-school.

I do find it surprising they don’t do a session where the parent stays, I do think that probably more places offer this than don’t. But if I was worried I’d just make my own “settling sessions” ie I’d just pick them up early for the first few days.

Not being allowed in is probably fairly normal. Lots of parents in and out of the room, plus outdoor shoes, is probably best avoided. We hand over at the door to the nursery room (door opens directly into the nursery garden), parents don’t go into the building.

Yes, and in my opinion it’s brilliant. I dropped both mine off outside on morning one to line up with their new classmates with a brief, cheery hug and goodbye. The children know the routine and expectations from day 1.

As a Reception teacher, it was horrendously disruptive having parents with pushchairs all bundling into the classroom first thing when I was trying to settle thd class and start the register. It definitely prolonged tears and goodbyes unnecessarily, and all the commotion unsettled other children who’s parents had quickly gone who had been calmly waiting on the carpet. I insisted that was changed, and it was far, far better for all involved.

Explain to your child in advance that I will say goodbye to you outside and no I won’t be coming in. Definitely do not say you will do something you can’t. Confident, cheery goodbye and confident, swift exit. It can feel hard, but definitely for the best long term. Staff will definitely call if there’s a prolonged issue, but there rarely is.

@MidnightPatrol They seem happy enough luckily, but they are a confident child and love playing with “new” toys so easily distracted. I’m obviously hoping it lasts!

I was just very surprised as other local schools seem to have forms about child’s like/dislikes and either do home visits or the school insist on the child at least visiting them (so the child knows a familiar face when they start and they’ve already met the child - I had to ask for this).

It can be normal for school nurseries - some are more family-inclusive than others!

It is a bit unusual and it probably tells you a lot about the ethos of the school. I wouldn’t default to it for primary, maybe see if somewhere else is better.

All of the ones here do a settle programme - fairly short and swift but it’s there.

I’ve had both sides of this with two kids and tbh it was better without parents coming in and faffing around their kids. It felt chaotic for the wee ones.

Kiss hug and off they go…everyone knows the score from day one.

Yes the school pre school was like this years ago when my children started. They did a meeting for all parents of new starters and their child as an introduction to the setting and for the kids to get to have a little play with parents around, but my son had chicken pox and they wouldn't rearrange for just me and him, so he just had to go into it blind. It was a bit of a shock (for me) as he had been to a nursery where it was much easier to speak to staff and they had seemed to be more caring in a way.
So I guess my point is it's pretty normal for school nurseries to be like this.

Home visits are sometimes done by schools, but again we didn't get that (thank goodness, I would have stressed about the state of the house else!). I think they made a poster about themselves on a taster day in reception which was then hung up in the classroom for when they started in September.

Yes all sounds very normal. The home visits are for 2 year olds starting near us, they don't do for the 3 year olds. The school tours come on open evenings for parents wanting to apply to the reception years, you will see them advertised soon enough.We had no shorter days for the nursery starting, but did when they started the reception class at the same school (go figure!). They encourage drop off at the door too. To be fair the 3 year old class is run in quite a grown up school like way in many school attached nurseries, I think this is quite standard.

This
Parents staying and faffing makes things absolute carnage once they have to go it alone. Clinging to you and howling - how is that helpful for anyone?

Our school. Fors about what they like/dislike and what they need help with. An hour visit with parents then straight into it but it’s only 3 hours a day.

But what would you read into it- that the school doesn't care about the kids or that they believe in trying to encourage independence?

It's a lot to write off a school from this tiny snapshot. My school nursery was similar and I think my kids did better this way with the expectations clear from the first day that parents weren't staying etc.

Thanks for all the replies everyone, so far it seems like I am possibly being a bit overprotective.

Thanks @FancyCatSlave It definitely didn’t seem the norm to me, purely based on speaking to other parents at the local park/village playgroup etc (most of whom seem to send their children to other schools despite them being local which is a bit concerning- the pupil numbers at this school are dropping year on year).

I’m obviously hoping my DC loves it and settles in well. But at the moment, I’m certainly going to look around at other schools for primary if they don’t love it and make lots of friends (which is obviously the most important thing for me).

having kids go straight in sounds absolutely fine and normal - long chunks of settling in can be much more disruptive.

stay positive and your child will be absolutely fine. A nice school within walking distance is an incredible asset in the years ahead.

We have found our pre-school to be quite like school - 30 children per class and a focus on learning..
I don’t suppose you can afford a private nursery? They tend to have smaller groups and long settling in periods, they will send daily updates on everything your child did and ate etc… it’s a more personalised service.
Our son coped fine at pre-school but he did miss his nursery for a few months!

actual school will do a home visit.

I don't of any schools round here that do home visits any more actually.

My child went to a nursery attached to a primary school. They did do settling in sessions and I was shown around once before he started, but never really allowed in again. There was no home visit.

He moved up to reception and again, one settling in session (just half a day instead of a full day) but no home visit and I've never been given a tour around the school or anything, but it was during covid years.

Thanks @EdgarAllenRaven Unfortunately I can’t really afford a private preschool - and tbh I like the idea of him going in each day for a half day at 3 years old and making friends before transitioning to a full day at reception age with the same friends at the same school.

I suppose I’m lucky in that I have a choice of “local” state pre-schools attached to primaries (but all the others would require about an hours total drive each day as we are quite rural). And so now I’m concerned I’ve made the wrong choice to send DC to the walkable one, based purely on local word of mouth and not feeling as positive as I’d hoped with the school processes. Hopefully it gets better!

This seems unusual to me.
My DD’s primary school offered 3 settling in sessions into Reception and then it was wave goodbye at the door. The clingy, screaming children were manhandled from their parents etc.
Most/all schools in my area offer this, and that’s for Reception, so I can’t imagine why a pre-school wouldn’t do it?
I’d be suspicious about the lack of the school tour as well. Most schools are proud to have open days and show off, so those that aren’t would stand out to me.
If your child is settling in okay, that’s great! Maybe shop around a bit for others’ experience at other schools too.

DCs went to a school nursery. In September they had a Stay & Play and home visit. I don't think this happened for the January starters (no April starters).

I wouldn't have a problem with the no settling-in sessions - think it's the best way - but would be a bit disappointed there hadn't been a bit more "getting to know you" before your DC started, whether a form/ home visit/ DC visit to the preschool.

But it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me and I'd just see how things went once my DC had started. In a couple of weeks they could have settled in beautifully and you won't ever give this another thought.

We got 2 settling sessions, first was 2 hrs then the next until after lunch. I'm surprised they didn't offer anything at all (my eldest didn't get one for reception but that was because it was 2021 and COVID restrictions still about!)

We aren't allowed in to drop off tho, never have been. We leave them at the gate and they walk in (one of the staff or teachers is always there if they need support). We also never got to tour the whole school, only the hall and the nursery classroom.

Im sure she'll settle well and you'll forget about these worries 😊

Also no home visits in this area anymore!