To wonder if this is normal school policy for 3 year olds starting Pre-school?

[AnneMarieW]

My just turned 3 year old started pre-school today (they’ve been ill otherwise they would have started straight after Easter) - and just so I’m not dripfeeding they are my PFB after lots of IVF, will likely be an only child and have been at home with me till now (only ever babysat by grandparents), so accept I may be being overprotective.

I was surprised at the school open day that they only showed parents the pre- school classroom and a second empty classroom where they chatted with us - no tour of the rest of the school or grounds. But it’s as my closest school (easily walkable) and I want my DC to hopefully make friends locally, plus it gets a good Ofsted report, I made the choice to send DC there (although no school here is oversubscribed so there is a wide choice).

But they apparently also have no settling-in policy for pre-school (no limited starting hours or parent staying for the first session etc), no home visit to meet the child, no form to fill in about their likes/dislikes etc. I had to ask them to let my DC visit the school with me but again my DC only met one teacher and again only saw the pre-school classroom (there are 2 teachers in the class and multiple TA’s).

Then at drop off today, the 2nd pre-school teacher they hadn’t met before (so a stranger to DC) met us at the school gate and ushered them in - apparently parents aren’t normally allowed inside even on the first day as it’s disruptive to the children?

Is this the norm for starting pre-school? It seems very “throw them in at the deep end” and hope for the best.

I have experience of school settings and nursery settings as a teacher and didn't want the school setting for DD. We went down the road of nursery but paid very little on top of the free hours. It was a long time ago (14 years) but it gave us 15 hours free child care then. You can choose pre-school or other settings. I find school nursery can be very hit and miss as to how lucky you are as not always specialists and open to very different interpretation from the teacher

My son goes to a nursery pre-school rather than attached to a school but usually they class them as seperate so probably wouldn’t show you around the whole school as going to pre school doesn’t guarantee you a place at the actual school. My sons nursery did offer settling in days although he was younger then. They also asked me lots and I filled in forms on what he likes etc but my nursery also chat a lot at drop off and pick up. From my area not many parents use school attached pre school as they aren’t as well regarded as independent nursery type ones nor do they offer full days of care etc.

Since you started at a non standard time, you may have missed the settling in process and they are just trying to assimilate your child as quickly as possible.

DD missed the September of Reception year as we were in the process of moving and it was similar... just drop off on day 1, no shorter days etc as all the rest if the class was already settled.

I think it's fairly normal for a mid-year start. You might find they did/do more settling for the kids who started in September.

Realistically, they can't have unchecked adults mooching about the nursery so not letting you in is very normal.

I dropped mine on the first day having not met the teacher as she was new. 15 hours a week, every morning type place. I don’t think it’s normal to do setting in sessions at preschool

We had those forms when DC moved up rooms in nursery. I never knew what to put on it or why it was needed. Certainly wouldn't expect it in a school setting, even pre-school. They'll get to know your child.

It sounds much like where I work (not in UK if that's relevant). We are a 3 hour session so no settling in period. Babies and toddlers starting full time care do have a settling in policy. We find it's best to limit parental involvement, so we greet them at the door. Often children who are playing happily will get upset or want to go home when a parent comes into the room, we don't ban it outright but discourage it. We do lots of parents participation stuff throughout the year instead. To be honest it's often the parents fussing at drop off that cause the drama more than the kids. When both parents come to the door and make a big ceremony of saying goodbye it really stresses the kids, they feel like they are being sent away forever. Less fuss the better.

Edited to add we don't have a form but I would like if we did as it's helpful, especially when children have their own words for things like toilet. We usually ask the parents but it's easy forget or get confused.

Same school, different experiences x3!

DC1 started in reception. Home visit, visit in the July with me and DC1 at the school - full tour. Then September starts, week 1 mornings, week 2 afternoons, week 3 mornings and lunch, week 4 lunch and afternoons, week 5 9.30 drop off 2.30 pick up, week 6 finally full time.
It was painful.
DC2 did nursery at the school, no home visit required. DC2 met new teachers and had transition days in reception in July. First day of September they went full time.
Very smooth transition.
DC3 missed nursery (Covid) home visit,both visited in the July for a play and stay. September week 1 mornings, week 2 mornings and lunch, week 3 full time.
Easier than DC1

Never have I been in on the first morning with any of them. It was always kiss, hug, see you after, have a good day, and off they went.

Sounds like LO had a good day, that's what matters. It gets easier for you as a parent dropping them off also.

When I taught reception (so older than your child), I did home visits for every child, a family visit to the school and also we had a week of PT before being FT. Parents also filled in information about their children. For SEN children I also visited their nursery/CM.

I don’t think this was exceptional, I worked in several schools and all had some sort of planned transition.

YANBU.

Our preschool had very gradual settling-in sessions but they are particularly nurturing and supportive and I don't think its the UK norm. Settling in took place over the first 7 days of attendance (not including the weekend) and parents stayed for the full session on the first day, and reduced that time each day.

There was also a weekly stay and play run by the nursery where younger dcs got to know the staff and structure. My dc attended that for a year and knew the staff really well by the time she joined the preschool, so she settled quickly and there were never any tears or reluctance to enter the class. The gradual approach worked for her and she wouldn't have liked being dropped off with no settling in.

I have one confident, sociable child and one less so - same pre-school. The confident one got this approach and it was fine, good for him in fact. He had good social skills young and would be more upset if I was there getting upset or if another child had separation issues, otherwise fine. The shy child had a home visit, extra help and discussions with me about how to help them.

I think the "no need to create problems that aren't there" ethos is a good one, if they like lots of things there's no need for lists, why narrow them down, if they are articulate they can talk to the staff themselves.

If your DS is happy and thriving, then it's working for him, you've done a really good job that's he's so secure and ready.

Are you talking about a settle program into pre-school?
parents being there with young kids (preschool or reception) can make it a lot harder on the child to get in their with classmates and settle in.
don't put your own worries on your small child.

Did you want to go in and sit with them all day? At what point would you have left? Just let them crack on

No, not all day but I would have liked to have seen her to the classroom door, made sure she could see that the teacher she’d met before was there and that she knew where to leave her bag and things, that she’d been told where the toilet was (in case she was too shy to ask - because I have no idea where it is in the school), say goodbye to her and remind her I would pick her up in a few hours.

It might sound micromanaging but I don’t think it’s that unreasonable considering it’s a 3 year olds first time away from home without her parents in a environment she’s only been in for a few minutes before and with people she’s never met before (with the exception of one teacher whom again she’d met only briefly).

Instead a teacher she didn’t know met us outside the gate, told me parents couldn’t come inside, took her things and rushed her off. I barely got chance to say anything to to DC - luckily I’m good at faking looking positive and DC is a reasonably confident child and was excited to go (because I’d been so encouraging about it beforehand).

I’d have felt better about not going in with her if they’d asked questions about her, if she’d gotten to see more of the school (including where the toilets are, dining room, outdoor play area etc) and if she’d gotten to meet more staff rather than just the one.

Thanks very much for all the replies, food for thought.

Thanks @Peacepleaselouise and @carrotseall - your schools/nurseries sound amazing. I must admit what you have described is much more what I expected to happen. Ironically since I first posted I’ve managed to speak to a close relative who is actually an inspector of nurseries 🤣 and she said having no settling in policy, not asking about children’s likes and dislikes and not meeting the children before they start would generally be considered poor policy or at least not best practice.

But as many people have said, if DC is happy there (and 🤞she will be) then it doesn’t really matter.

Thanks @LadyQuackBeth very kind and helpful.

Of course my 3 year old is unaware of my worries @Stinkbomb I’m not an idiot. She’s perfectly happy about preschool- looking forward to going again in fact. As another poster worded well, it just makes me a bit concerned about the ethos of the school. Hopefully I’m wrong.

Seems a bit minimal to me, but not worryingly so.

I am 100% against parents in classrooms, or shorter days (for most kids) because any teacher will tell you how disruptive they both become. Children find it hard to deal with a teacher if they can run to mummy.. and getting them used to shorter days (if you are planning on full days) only gives you a second battle once they have to transition from half to full.

But, Home visits, school visits, chats with the teachers before starting, questionnaires etc. All good stuff that both of the pre-schools I've been involved with do.

The settling in process (or lack thereof) is not best practice, hopefully your child settles well. However, not being shown around the whole school is normal - as a pp said, a place in the nursery does not guarantee a place in Reception and staff do not want to set expectation by suggesting it might. School visits would usually be as part of the marketing or admissions process prior to school applications.

I would have expected them to have some settling in sessions and to be shown around the whole school. If your DC is happy and it’s meant to be a good school then I would keep them there, you can look around the school on open days when you apply for a reception place.

What is preschool? Is it the same as reception year? I thought that started at the age of 4. If it is similar to school then I can imagine no real settling in support, but if it is similar to nursery then I am surprised they don't ease them into it.

Our pre-school did a home visit, an hours stay and play session (which I was allowed to stay for) and a half day settling in session before my son did his first full day. So yes what you experienced sounds odd to me.

First full day drop off was as you described though, no parents allowed.

@ToldoRasaIt’s the year before reception so 3-4. In our school it’s very much a proper school environment. They have a structured learning day, go to assembly with the big kids, wear a uniform etc.

I had a similar experience with my daughter starting pre-school, I thought there would be much more preparation but she’s absolutely taken it in her stride and it makes me think that on reflection the school probably knows what works best for the children and she’s very happy and settled there.

Are you sure that she isn't now doing some kind of settling in visit? Where you given the option to start her in September instead? Not being critical, just wondering, because from you saying she just turned 3, I would assume that she will still be 3 in September 2025, therefore she will turn 4 in spring/summer 2026 and won't start school till September 2026? Therefore she could do her proper nursery year from September 2025 to July 2026 and doesn't need to have started yet? I would think that they would only be able to facilitate settling in visits with parents over summer when they didn't have to care for a full group of children and therefore could more easily facilitate proper supervision with un-DBS checked adults around, whereas now they will be supervising there whole group of children who started at 3 in Sept 24 and won't leave until the summer hols.

Our Pre-school also had an hour where parents could stay and play with their children, you’re right it should be normal to do that