Is this an ok gift or not?

[toosensitivemaybe]

So, Dh has been diagnosed with cancer. Prognosis not good. He is awaiting surgery to try and give him more time. He's 43.
It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and SIL gave me a picture for the wall which says "when life gives you lemons, make a G and T".
A G and T is not going to help Dh.

I am thinking this is the most insensative gift ever.

But then my head is all over the place.

Please tell me if I should be pissed off with her.
thank you

She’s tried to be kind but hasn’t thought it through enough unfortunately. I’m sure her intention was well meaning.

It is insensitive

But, pre-diagnosis would this have been something you'd appreciate?
She may have seen it a while back & bought it for you.

I'm sorry about your husband's diagnosis; cancer is a bastard

I really don't understand the problem. I presume the picture is not in direct reference to your husband's diagnosis. Also no clue how you have time to think about this. Its irrelevant.

I would be upset by that and feel my likely feelings had been completely missed

how devastating

It's a shit present at the best of times...but I can't stand quotes like that especially involving alcohol..what is she normally like? If she's generally a nice, kind, supportive person, I'd write it off as a dreadful misjudgment. If she's not, then that's a whole different issue I guess.

But I wouldn't dwell on it too much....save your energy for yourself and your DH.

So sorry for what you are going through...x

That is an awful present and I’m sorry that you are going through this.

I'm not sure I understand the connection between your husband having cancer and the gift?

The saying is just a play on words, instead of making lemonade with lemons make gin and tonic instead?

I think you're feeling a little sensitive due to the terrible news
She either didn't think through the implications that the cancer was "life giving you lemons" or she was trying to, misguidedly, be positive

I’m sorry to hear about your DH. I’d agree that’s a really insensitive and poorly thought out present, or more likely there was no thought at all.

but - you can spend energy on this stuff or you can let it wash past you and accept that people who aren’t going through what you and your DH are will simply not always be able to grasp all the nuance and understand all the feelings that you have. Lucky them eh?

If your SIL is otherwise kind and helpful or of practical use to you, let it go. if she is generally a waste of space, she’s not worth thinking about or expecting anything from and you should let it go.

Because it’s like saying “oh life is shit, like when your husband has cancer, but hey never mind use the shitty thing in a positive way.”

Doesn’t matter if it’s lemonade or a G&T - What’s the funny positive thing that OP should be taking from her DH’s devastating diagnosis at this point exactly?

A shitty present. But if SIL is not a thoughtful, considerate and emotionally intelligent person in general I guess I would just put it down to her shortcomings, bin the painting and forget about it.
So sorry for your DH @toosensitivemaybe . I hope you have sensitive people around you who can support you.

Just because it's insensitive doesn't mean it's intentional. You know what she's normally like.

I suspect her head might be all over the place too for the same reasons as yours.

Happy Birthday even though it can't have been great this year. I'm very sorry about your husband's diagnosis and hope his medical team are going everything to support him and do reach to cancer charities yourself, they are great support to the families of cancer patients, not just support for the patient too.

Your SIL is an idiot. YANBU. I’m so sorry for what you are going through and hope the surgery goes well.

It’s awful.
crap present anyway but now very insensitive.
however, is this something you’d usually like? Is this DHs sister? Presumably it’s just missed judged?

don’t display it and let it go.

It's either a very clumsy attempt to acknowledge that life is tough for you atm or she bought it before the diagnosis.

Presumably she's devastated her brother is so ill too.

It's not a good gift but the intention, while misguided, might have been good.

You are not bu to be pissed off at her. Is she usually so thick? I'd be tempted to just give it back and ask for chocs or something instead.

Thank you everyone.
Honestly, my head is spinning at the moment.

SIL is my brothers wife, so not DH's sister. She has form for being selfish, so I guess she'd already brought the pic before all this happened.

DH has actually gone into work this evening. It's so weird because he doesn't seem ill at all.

But who has decided the gift is in connection to her husband having cancer? I could give that gift to my friend and her husband doesn't have cancer, so its not relevant?

@toosensitivemaybe forgive me if I'm overstepping but since his diagnosis has anyone asked you if you are OK? Do you have any support?

I suspect the anger at the gift is more because you are angry at the unfairness of the situation. No one deserves cancer.

May sure you have support too. It's difficult for you too and make sure you also take time to look after you as well as him.

This is what I was trying to say.

It sounds like a crap gift but simply because it's a naff present, not because of any connection. It's on a par with a print for your home saying "live, laugh, love" or something.

I wouldn't have made the connection that the lemons are meant to represent something crap.

I expect she probably just thought it would be a nice birthday gift, like a gift set or something else generic rather than "OPs husband has cancer, this message should cheer her up."

Yes. I am thinking the SIL may have bought it before hearing the news.

Give her a bottle of lemonade for her next birthday.

Or lemons.