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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you complain?

89 replies

Galaxyca · 15/05/2025 16:28

I took my baby to a GP appointment today regarding a rash under their chin after beginning weaning. Baby was lying on the bed and we needed them to look up so the doctor could see. I dug my keys on phone out my pocket and dangled them in the air, and tapped my screen so that the screensaver photo came on (baby smiled and looked up, so this worked.

He glanced for half a second under her chin and said straight faced, ‘parenting tip here for you, do not let them look at your phone’. I laughed thinking it was a joke but it was obvious from his expression that it wasn’t. I’ve thought on it and I feel a bit annoyed to be honest. Even if I were playing cartoons, he is there to look at a medical concern and not comment on anything else. I am a younger mum and left DH in the car and wonder if either of that was different perhaps he wouldn’t have said it.

AIBU to feed it back? I don’t want to be that person but I do think it was out of order and an arrogant thing to say, however minor a comment

OP posts:
Cookiecrumblepie · 15/05/2025 17:06

I would be annoyed. But some people are just dickheads aren't they? Any chance to patronise someone or add their two cents. I'd just let it go but yes the comment was unnecessary and arseholian.

YellowDuster12 · 15/05/2025 17:11

Totally get that this is embarrassing, the GP is right though. They might not see you again for months or years. A parent that uses their phone to catch a baby's attention might be a parent that is happy to let their baby watch screens, use tablets, watch TV etc., so they made a comment while they were with you. They have your baby's best interests at heart. If you don't use screens day to day all you had to say was 'oh, thanks, I won't!'. The fact you've tried to turn this into a reason to make a complaint suggests to me it stung, which it would if you are a parent that plans to or does use screens to parent.

AprilShowers25 · 15/05/2025 17:11

Ridiculous, there’s no harm in a baby seeing a screen occasionally. We all grew up with tvs and watching cartoons. To say a baby should ‘never’ be shown a phone is completely over reacting, rude and condescending. I don’t believe he would say that to a middle aged mum.

RoseofRoses · 15/05/2025 17:11

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Dontlletmedownbruce · 15/05/2025 17:12

I'd be annoyed but not at all surprised. My ds1 had speech delay and was a very restricted fussy eater so i had many appointments over my concerns.
Almost every professional re speech told me I could try talking to him and not spend so much time on my phone etc. (given that I am not even on any SM platform this particularly annoyed me). I was also told that sugar can cause tooth decay and physical activity is good for him, along with many other gems. You just get used to it. It is good advice. Sadly so many people don't seem to know these parenting basics so they feel the need to keep reiterating to everyone.

pinkdelight · 15/05/2025 17:13

Why not just have jangled the keys? You automatically using the phone makes it look like you use the phone to distract DC even if you don't, and plenty do so it's fair enough for him to point out it's not a good thing to do. Which you agree with. If you complained and he stopped telling people, who would tell them? Then who would have to deal with the consequences of DC hooked on screens from infanthood? Think it through and get past your need to complain about every minor comment that doesn't make you feel completely happy.

Littlemiracles232504 · 15/05/2025 17:15

Not all “advice” should be taken to heart though
i was told by one to let my 12 week old baby sleep in her car seat overnight because she had a cold and I DID complain about that one!

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 17:16

What did he say about the rash?

ItGhoul · 15/05/2025 17:18

A complaint? About a tiny piece of advice you don't personally agree with?

That would be a colossal waste of everyone's time.

pinkdelight · 15/05/2025 17:18

AprilShowers25 · 15/05/2025 17:11

Ridiculous, there’s no harm in a baby seeing a screen occasionally. We all grew up with tvs and watching cartoons. To say a baby should ‘never’ be shown a phone is completely over reacting, rude and condescending. I don’t believe he would say that to a middle aged mum.

I was allowed to watch Playschool once a day - couldn't even watch the repeat! I watched more when I got older, but it's not true to say 'we all' watched screens anywhere near the amount kids - and most people - do today. Be honest, there's no comparison from how it was to how it is for kids growing up now. I know myself that it's become almost a reflex action to check my phone, and it's happening to DC from so much younger with mobiles and iPads and we know categorically it's not good for development. I've got gaming kids so I'm not being all holier than thou here, but I think you're way off claiming the doctor is being 'ridiculous'.

ItGhoul · 15/05/2025 17:20

Galaxyca · 15/05/2025 16:51

Possibly a reformed attitude to interactions with parents and caregivers and an awareness of when to say something and when not. If I’d pulled out YouTube or CBeebies then yes I would agree. I haven’t (and don’t). I take my child to classes, spend all day reading, singing and playing, and lots of time outside. ‘Parenting tip’ is condescending. This was one symptom that we were there for, the rest I don’t need to disclose as it isn’t relevant in any way.

Show quote history

Possibly a reformed attitude to interactions with parents and caregivers and an awareness of when to say something and when not.

I can 100% guarantee you that the only reaction it would get would be a shrug. At most, perhaps he'd say to the practice manager 'What an odd thing to complain about' and then forget about it.

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 17:22

No doubt just fed up of people coming for appointments having one eye on their mobiles sCreen the entire time

Theunamedcat · 15/05/2025 17:28

It never ends I took my son in with a wheezy chest they were like awwww first baby? (Practically patted me on the head) no third baby can you check his chest please? They rallied and continued to patronise me saying all babies get wheezy who smokes at home? Is it YOU??? No-one smokes can you check his chest please? Now don't get offended we have to ask medically relevant questions......OK 👍 (I have a medically relevant history why he goes in with a wheezy chest literally on the screen right infront of you but your goto is patronise me great job!) I did mention to the receptionist I wasn't keen on the locum and would prefer not to see them again "I will add you to THAT list" was her response

They don't teach how to speak so patients will listen in medical school and unfortunately you get a lot these days that think they are DR house but I'm old and less tolerant

Rabidbunnyrabbit · 15/05/2025 17:30

She flashed colours to make the baby glance up. It's a baby. The light and colours are all it really perceives.

The screen haters, people who practically live on the INTERNET, are numerous and overly zealous. Screens are not bad. Misuse or overuse isn't great but any badness in that doesn't dwell within the LCD panel.
It's a phone, not a haunted painting.

The GP just latched on to the idea you must be shoving your phone in your babies face 24/7 because he has a stereotype in his head that was informing his response to you. Similar to a couple of responses you have had here really. People are very tribal, very judgey, rather assuming and not willing to admit they've misread a situation. Ironically, social media has a lot to answer for on this front. It's making people less understanding, less flexible in their opinions.

I wouldn't complain though. The surgery won't care.

ilovesooty · 15/05/2025 17:37

ItGhoul · 15/05/2025 17:20

Possibly a reformed attitude to interactions with parents and caregivers and an awareness of when to say something and when not.

I can 100% guarantee you that the only reaction it would get would be a shrug. At most, perhaps he'd say to the practice manager 'What an odd thing to complain about' and then forget about it.

Show quote history

Or get you marked as a patient who makes vexatious complaints.

RoseofRoses · 15/05/2025 17:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TinyTempest · 15/05/2025 17:49

he is there to look at a medical concern and not comment on anything else.

Oh is that right?

Can you link to this rule please?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 15/05/2025 17:51

I agree with the doctor it’s nothing to do with age.

LoveBecomesaHabit · 15/05/2025 18:16

I think that’s one of those things where you either say something at the time or just let it go. I would find it irritating too. Unfortunately I’ve had much, much worse from GPs. Some of them seem to think the majority of their patients are the scum of the earth.

butterpuffed · 15/05/2025 18:20

Maybe the GP thinks the bright lights on a phone are bad for babies' eyes .

CheFaro · 15/05/2025 18:24

I’d have suggested he stuck to the medical side of things and got on with diagnosing the baby’s rash.

Soyfinger · 16/05/2025 06:38

CheFaro · 15/05/2025 18:24

I’d have suggested he stuck to the medical side of things and got on with diagnosing the baby’s rash.

Can’t imagine being like that towards someone I’m hoping can help ease my baby’s discomfort

each to their own

CheFaro · 16/05/2025 06:45

Soyfinger · 16/05/2025 06:38

Can’t imagine being like that towards someone I’m hoping can help ease my baby’s discomfort

each to their own

Show quote history

He’d be more able to ease the baby’s discomfort if he didn’t stop to deliver unsought parenting lessons, based on his perception of the OP’s inadequate parenting,

GravyBoots · 16/05/2025 07:00

My first thought was that it was lighthearted, as in - once baby has clocked that it's entertaining, you'll never be able to use your phone in peace again.
I only thought this because of the mention of keys... Nobody had a mobile phone when my eldest was born, but all babies wanted the keys! Not their own colourful safe plastic ones no. They had to be the foul tasting, filthy, gum splitting house and car keys that jangled so wonderfully together!

Maybe he was being a patronising arsehole, but either way, don't give it any more headspace and don't stress yourself over complaining.

Once you become a parent, everybody thinks it's their right to voice their opinion, asked for or not 🙄

GravyBoots · 16/05/2025 07:01

Anyway, has the rash cleared up?

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