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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend ignoring texts

106 replies

Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 14:44

Completely happy to be told I'm being unreasonable but would this bother you..
Been with new DP for several months and we talk almost every lunchtime, which is fine. Today I hadn't heard from him 30 mins into his break so I gave him a call. He didn't answer. Fine, I assume he's doing his hobby which he sometimes does at lunch. I text him saying nothing important, hope he's having a lovely day and I love him and I'll see him tonight. (We don't live together)
Anyway, he calls me for 10 mins before his break ends and he has been doing the hobby so all good. We speak and say see you tonight etc. After, I notice that he has read the 'nothing important ' text but not reacted to it at all. I just feel like I would never do that! I would never not acknowledge a message he sent me or anything, even silly memes I respond to.
OK, after writing this down I realise it sounds crazy! 😅 but would it upset you having the text ignored??

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 15/05/2025 15:42

Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 14:46

For context, I feel like he should have at least 'heart' reacted it or sent some kisses faces 😅
Do I sound mad though?? I'm Peri so feeling completely unhinged now and again.

Ffs! Grow up!

Peri? So you’re not a teenager 🤦‍♀️

GroovyChick87 · 15/05/2025 15:43

He didn't need to reply as you spoke on the phone but I think we can always tell when someone is drifting away. As a one off it wouldn't bother me. Is there more to it? Sometimes my husband will send me something that doesn't really require an answer and so I won't bother and sometimes I just forget to reply.

BunnyLake · 15/05/2025 15:44

Delphiniumandlupins · 15/05/2025 15:05

Do you end phone calls with
"You hang up"
"No, you hang up"
"No, you hang up"
.................?

😂

ItGhoul · 15/05/2025 15:46

Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 14:46

For context, I feel like he should have at least 'heart' reacted it or sent some kisses faces 😅
Do I sound mad though?? I'm Peri so feeling completely unhinged now and again.

You do sound a bit nuts, yes

HoneyPie12 · 15/05/2025 15:49

I've been with my husband 11 years and our WhatsApps are mostly me sending unhinged amount of messages every day and him ignoring them unless it's a direct question 😄 horrid man that he is, always saying work is more important than "what do you think about this holiday" or "going to do chicken pie for tea" x

Definitelynotme2022 · 15/05/2025 15:51

You do sound a bit crazy..... and more like a teenager than peri age! Let him phone/text you when he's free.

My bf phones or video calls when he gets a chance. If there's something I need to say, then I'll text while I remember it (also peri or menopausal but on HRT) but I don't ever expect him to text straight back.

Honestly, take the HRT!!

Original poster
Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 15:54

ForOliveMember · 15/05/2025 15:40

Yes you sound bat shit crazy, pathetic really, to be blunt.

Flipping heck 😅 thanks! Hope that made you feel good

OP posts:
Original poster
Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 15:56

GroovyChick87 · 15/05/2025 15:43

He didn't need to reply as you spoke on the phone but I think we can always tell when someone is drifting away. As a one off it wouldn't bother me. Is there more to it? Sometimes my husband will send me something that doesn't really require an answer and so I won't bother and sometimes I just forget to reply.

I think this is it. I just really struggle when there's even a slight change! Probably combo of hormones and trauma etc but it's good to check if you're being a bit crazy!! Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 15:56

Kbroughton · 15/05/2025 15:40

Go for it. I was diagnosed with ADHD during peri! It was always there obviously and looking back I can see signs from when I was very young, but Peri made all the 'masked' symptoms come to the fore. HRT has really helped. If you have no history of breast cancer then there is no reason not to (in my opinion) and it has been very helpful to me.

Show quote history

Thank you so much 💓 I'll make an appt

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 15/05/2025 15:58

CloudywMeatballs · 15/05/2025 14:45

Why would he need to respond to the text? You have spoken since he sent it.

How on earth did people manage before the electronic tags that are placed on partners in the form of constant messages, with the attendant strops and foot stamping when there's no rely in a couple of mega seconds?

JudgeJ · 15/05/2025 16:00

Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 14:46

For context, I feel like he should have at least 'heart' reacted it or sent some kisses faces 😅
Do I sound mad though?? I'm Peri so feeling completely unhinged now and again.

My 12 year old grandchild sends those!

arcticpandas · 15/05/2025 16:01

Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 15:56

I think this is it. I just really struggle when there's even a slight change! Probably combo of hormones and trauma etc but it's good to check if you're being a bit crazy!! Thank you

Show quote history

You sound a bit insecure about the relationship that's all. I wouldn't even have noticed if my dh hadn't answered to a message if I had spoken to him after.

RosaMoline · 15/05/2025 16:03

You’ll drive him away, OP.

RisingSunn · 15/05/2025 16:08

I’m glad you’ve been talked down! 😅

Original poster
Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 16:10

RosaMoline · 15/05/2025 16:03

You’ll drive him away, OP.

Yeah, this is a worry! It's why I've been checking in with friends or asking things here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 16:11

arcticpandas · 15/05/2025 16:01

You sound a bit insecure about the relationship that's all. I wouldn't even have noticed if my dh hadn't answered to a message if I had spoken to him after.

Show quote history

Yeah and I'd have been the same with my now ex H but this one just has me turning crazy!
It really is brutal going back to dating/new relationships after 15 years!

OP posts:
Cel119 · 15/05/2025 16:12

Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 14:44

Completely happy to be told I'm being unreasonable but would this bother you..
Been with new DP for several months and we talk almost every lunchtime, which is fine. Today I hadn't heard from him 30 mins into his break so I gave him a call. He didn't answer. Fine, I assume he's doing his hobby which he sometimes does at lunch. I text him saying nothing important, hope he's having a lovely day and I love him and I'll see him tonight. (We don't live together)
Anyway, he calls me for 10 mins before his break ends and he has been doing the hobby so all good. We speak and say see you tonight etc. After, I notice that he has read the 'nothing important ' text but not reacted to it at all. I just feel like I would never do that! I would never not acknowledge a message he sent me or anything, even silly memes I respond to.
OK, after writing this down I realise it sounds crazy! 😅 but would it upset you having the text ignored??

If this is the way you intend your relationship to proceed in the long term I have no hope for you. People get busy at work. My partner doesn't message me all day sometimes. I will send him things here and there, but understand he literally cannot be on his phone. It might be the opposite way around sometimes too. It seems a like the kind of thing I got upset at in my teen years, so a tad childish and yes, unreasonable.

ForAquaMember · 15/05/2025 16:16

In the kindest way with your best intentions at heart - get some therapy. I have been you before and questioning everything. I know early relationships can be exciting and ooo has he replied but if you have got upset he didn’t answer one of your messages or feel like sometimes you’re waiting on him to reply and constantly checking your phone… get some therapy. Sounds like there might be some sort of trauma or trust issues / attachment.

You will eventually drive him away. I’ve been there x

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 15/05/2025 16:16

Don't hurt his rabbit.

ForAquaMember · 15/05/2025 16:17

ForAquaMember · 15/05/2025 16:16

In the kindest way with your best intentions at heart - get some therapy. I have been you before and questioning everything. I know early relationships can be exciting and ooo has he replied but if you have got upset he didn’t answer one of your messages or feel like sometimes you’re waiting on him to reply and constantly checking your phone… get some therapy. Sounds like there might be some sort of trauma or trust issues / attachment.

You will eventually drive him away. I’ve been there x

PS I’ve ignored 2 of my husbands texts and sitting on mumsnet haha. (And no he wouldn’t care) There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Original poster
Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 16:18

ForAquaMember · 15/05/2025 16:16

In the kindest way with your best intentions at heart - get some therapy. I have been you before and questioning everything. I know early relationships can be exciting and ooo has he replied but if you have got upset he didn’t answer one of your messages or feel like sometimes you’re waiting on him to reply and constantly checking your phone… get some therapy. Sounds like there might be some sort of trauma or trust issues / attachment.

You will eventually drive him away. I’ve been there x

Thank you. Yes, I really hope I can feel secure soon!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 15/05/2025 16:21

HoneyPie12 · 15/05/2025 15:49

I've been with my husband 11 years and our WhatsApps are mostly me sending unhinged amount of messages every day and him ignoring them unless it's a direct question 😄 horrid man that he is, always saying work is more important than "what do you think about this holiday" or "going to do chicken pie for tea" x

I'm surprised he hasn't lost patience with you and told you to leave him alone.

Starlight1984 · 15/05/2025 16:36

Atlas2022 · 15/05/2025 14:47

OK thank you guys! You've saved his evening 😅😘

😬

BeEagerEagle · 15/05/2025 18:04

You sound a nightmar

GreyCarpet · 15/05/2025 18:10

Judging by your messages on here, you seem to be quite fond of an emoji!

That's not a criticism - just an observation.

They seem to be something that some people do and others dislike or think are irritating or pointless.

He probably just doesn't see the point of them and given you'd spoken and your message was in response to him missing your call - totally unnecessary to acknowledge it.