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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want some seats/benches out there in the world?

65 replies

dontcomeatme · 15/05/2025 14:38

Want to start by saying I am so angry about this but I have no idea where to turn or what I can do. Or AIBU and need to let it go?
I have a 2YO DS and a 8 week old baby. We went to a family members yesterday, I don't drive so walked with doubly buggy. I try to fill my EBF baby up before the walk so he's settled but yesterday I clearly didn't give him enough and while walking he started banshee screaming. So I thought let's just find a seat, give toddler my phone with Disney+ for 20 mins (he's a runner I can't let him out of the pram safety on my own), and top the baby up. I walked for 15 minutes and could not find somewhere to sit anywhere. The whole time my baby is hysterical, I tried holding him but then couldn't push the pram. In the end I sat on the pavement and breastfed right there, in the middle of the street. 2 women walked past and checked I was okay, one of them said she has the same issue, recent hip replacement and would like to rest while walking but zero seat options. Not even in bus stops!!! I just think this is appalling. Since it happened I've been looking around all of the estates looking for rest areas and there are none?! Am I overreacting? I'm in the NE of England and feel like contacting the council or something but I have no idea what to expect.
YABU - Let it go it's probably a one off experience.
YANBU - There should be rest areas in the community.

OP posts:
MintChocCat · 15/05/2025 14:41

YANBU. I think you would be well within your rights to contact your local council for more benches or rest areas. People need places to sit for all sorts of reasons.

PrettyPuss · 15/05/2025 14:41

You need to write to your local council about this.

BangFlash · 15/05/2025 14:46

This is terrible. Thinking about my area there’s not much outside of the parks but at least the bus shelters have seats.

in order to be fair to your council, was there anywhere sensible they could put a bench? If the route was all housing probably not. But seats at bus stops should be standard, I’d be suggesting that.

MulberryPeony · 15/05/2025 15:14

I haven’t voted because in my part of the NE of England I can immediately bring to mind multiple benches and other seating just in my small village alone.

I’m going to say that I’m sure some community funds were used for most of the village ones (but over a long timeframe). Definitely raise it with your local councillors who will be able to see if funds could be allocated and good luck.

ForRealThisTime · 15/05/2025 15:17

I can think of lots of them in my village. Is it a new build estate perhaps or somewhere they don’t want to encourage people to hang around?

Isobel201 · 15/05/2025 15:30

I wouldn't think there would be many areas in housing estates where benches could be put. Without knowing your exact area, I can't really vote or give more of an opinion.

Original poster
dontcomeatme · 15/05/2025 15:31

Definitely not a new build and I actually managed to walk between 2 different estates and zero rest areas in either unless I went to a play park which was the opposite direction I needed to be in. In the estates where I live they have put big signs and flower patches at the corner of streets which look lovely, but why couldn't there be a nice bench every other corner amongst the flowers. I can't think of any benches in my immediate areas at all. And most bus stops have no seats or the half slanted seats which are about as much use as a chocolate fire guard.
I'm definitely going to contact the council about this. Anyone have any idea which department I would need to contact? I'm going to do a little Google and research tonight.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontcomeatme · 15/05/2025 15:32

I'm in the Sunderland area for context.

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 15/05/2025 15:34

I really noticed this when I was very pregnant and struggled to walk far for long.

It made me really re-evaluate what ‘accessibility’ means - particularly for the elderly.

Original poster
dontcomeatme · 15/05/2025 15:37

MidnightPatrol · 15/05/2025 15:34

I really noticed this when I was very pregnant and struggled to walk far for long.

It made me really re-evaluate what ‘accessibility’ means - particularly for the elderly.

@MidnightPatrolexactly this. Unfortunately you don't notice until it effects you, but now I'm so angry about it. It's really shocking. I know the government got rid of proper bus shelters with seats to try and stop the homeless using them. I'm assuming that's why there are no benches? But it leaves us with nothing. It's appalling.

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 15/05/2025 15:42

Not an issue where I live, loads of memorial benches

Original poster
dontcomeatme · 15/05/2025 15:44

tripleginandtonic · 15/05/2025 15:42

Not an issue where I live, loads of memorial benches

We have those in our coastal areas. But I'm in an estate just off the city centre. Nothing here.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontcomeatme · 15/05/2025 15:48

Not to be a drip feed, but I also walked past a sainsburys, not a single seat outside the supermarket or inside. No cafe as it closed during covid. Other than sitting on the toilet I had to keep walking/looking

OP posts:
stealthsquirrelnutkin · 15/05/2025 16:12

Where I live they removed all the seats from inside bus shelters because "people were sleeping on them", and replaced them with a very narrow perching bench that slopes to tip you to the ground if you have slippy clothes on.

I'm disabled and have been trying to get walking again, with two sticks. Had to stop because when my legs gave out there was nowhere to sit and rest. It took me 40 minutes to drag myself the 200m to my front door, in agonising pain after the fraying adductor tendons in my groin snapped. Turns out trying to "push through the pain" doesn't work if you have lupus tendonitis.

After that I was reluctant to leave the house, a foray to the corner shop had me fighting tears of pain and exhaustion in the check out queue. I thought I was going to faint and totally embarrass myself. No seating in the shop or along the short route home afterwards.

I had to save up and invest in a walk and rest shopping trolley (with armrests because lupus myositis means my legs are too weak to lift or lower me in and out of chairs). It cost just short of £190 but allows me to venture forth knowing that if I start to get dizzy or the pain becomes too bad I can lock the brakes and settle down for a rest.

The only problem is all the people who then approach me to ask where I bought it, and tell me all about their own disabilities and operations. I even had one bloke open his shirt to show me his heart operation scars when I parked up for a rest after checking out my shopping in Lidl. https://www.walkandrest.com/20-cream-frame

Sorry, it's not really relevant to your situation, because you already have the buggy and children to wrangle, so unless you are one of those Indian deities you wouldn't have spare arms to manage a shopping trolley as well. Just thought there might be some other disabled women who aren't quite wheelchair or mobility scooter ready, whose access to the great outdoors is being curtailed.

I took it with me to an agricultural show last year. With a picnic packed inside the seat. I would never have dared visit the show without the support of the trolley to lean on, and knowing I had a seat whenever it was required.

Unlike a mobility scooter I can bring it in to my very narrow front hall, and fold it up so it hardly takes up any space at all. I don't know what I'll do when the time comes that I need a proper mobility scooter. I live in a 140 year old, 2 up, 2 down stone terrace, with a front door that opens directly onto the pavement, and no storage space indoors.

Cream Frame

https://www.walkandrest.com/20-cream-frame

endofthelinefinally · 15/05/2025 16:17

We have a couple on our highstreet but they are funded by a local community group.

Original poster
dontcomeatme · 15/05/2025 16:17

stealthsquirrelnutkin · 15/05/2025 16:12

Where I live they removed all the seats from inside bus shelters because "people were sleeping on them", and replaced them with a very narrow perching bench that slopes to tip you to the ground if you have slippy clothes on.

I'm disabled and have been trying to get walking again, with two sticks. Had to stop because when my legs gave out there was nowhere to sit and rest. It took me 40 minutes to drag myself the 200m to my front door, in agonising pain after the fraying adductor tendons in my groin snapped. Turns out trying to "push through the pain" doesn't work if you have lupus tendonitis.

After that I was reluctant to leave the house, a foray to the corner shop had me fighting tears of pain and exhaustion in the check out queue. I thought I was going to faint and totally embarrass myself. No seating in the shop or along the short route home afterwards.

I had to save up and invest in a walk and rest shopping trolley (with armrests because lupus myositis means my legs are too weak to lift or lower me in and out of chairs). It cost just short of £190 but allows me to venture forth knowing that if I start to get dizzy or the pain becomes too bad I can lock the brakes and settle down for a rest.

The only problem is all the people who then approach me to ask where I bought it, and tell me all about their own disabilities and operations. I even had one bloke open his shirt to show me his heart operation scars when I parked up for a rest after checking out my shopping in Lidl. https://www.walkandrest.com/20-cream-frame

Sorry, it's not really relevant to your situation, because you already have the buggy and children to wrangle, so unless you are one of those Indian deities you wouldn't have spare arms to manage a shopping trolley as well. Just thought there might be some other disabled women who aren't quite wheelchair or mobility scooter ready, whose access to the great outdoors is being curtailed.

I took it with me to an agricultural show last year. With a picnic packed inside the seat. I would never have dared visit the show without the support of the trolley to lean on, and knowing I had a seat whenever it was required.

Unlike a mobility scooter I can bring it in to my very narrow front hall, and fold it up so it hardly takes up any space at all. I don't know what I'll do when the time comes that I need a proper mobility scooter. I live in a 140 year old, 2 up, 2 down stone terrace, with a front door that opens directly onto the pavement, and no storage space indoors.

@stealthsquirrelnutkinthis is absolutely shocking and I am so sorry to hear about your pain and troubles! This experience has just highlighted a huge issue that I didn't know existed due to pure ignorance on the matter. What area do you live in if you dont mind me asking? I'm currently looking on my own council website trying to find out where I need to complain.

OP posts:
Stanislas · 15/05/2025 16:29

@stealthsquirrelnutkin thank you very much for that info as I have a friend who could use that. I’m sorry for your plight op as I remember it well trying to combine walks with babies and toddlers. Lots of sympathy.

MulberryPeony · 15/05/2025 16:32

You’ll be better off asking for seating/rest areas rather than going straight to complain. We’ve currently got really decent local
councillors and I know I can find them on Facebook and popping up on local groups. They should also have ward surgeries so you can go along and meet with them locally to discuss any issues. Found this for Sunderland so you might be able to reach them directly via email www.sunderland.gov.uk/media/25022/List-of-council-members-and-contact-details-2022/pdf/ListOfCouncillorsContactDetails.pdf?ccp=true#cookie-consent-prompt

MulberryPeony · 15/05/2025 16:35

You might have to contact more than one by the way. Our village is arbitrarily cut down the middle of the main road in terms of council wards. You might need to hunt out a map of the wards to check you are talking to the right person.

MycatLarry · 15/05/2025 16:37

When I was young, every shop, including small corner ones, had at least one chair for shoppers' use. I'm always bemoaning the lack of them now I'm older and less able to walk far.
I think our large Sainsburys is the only shop with benches (inside) now.

Icecreammaninavan · 15/05/2025 16:37

Benches and seating areas are usually juvenile nuisance magnets. I wonder whether this has anything to do with it.

Sajacas · 15/05/2025 16:38

I noticed this too when pregnant and then carting a baby around. Very few places to sit. What pissed me off most though was train stations and bus stops without seating. I think the term is hostile architecture.

Boomer55 · 15/05/2025 16:39

As someone with severe health problems, I would welcome more rest beaches. 👍

minnienono · 15/05/2025 16:41

Where did you look? Benches tend to be parks, plazas, shopping areas etc. there’s a few at bus shelters but in busy places like the town centre. I can tell you where there’s a dozen or more in my town but they aren’t in random suburban streets

BogRollBOGOF · 15/05/2025 16:42

My neighbourhood has a reasonable spread of benches around the main roads and core community areas that were gradually added to over the years.
Unfortunately they occasionally attract vandalism.

When I was struggling with SPD in pregnancy, I went to a nearby city to use their tram park and ride, which saved walking "longer" distances through the city centre as I could hop on/ off. The major tramstop had no seating. Just some pointless shelf pitched at mid-back level designed for a healthy 6'2" man to rest his buttocks on 🙄

At the modern shopping centre, they had sofas... they were bloody awful too. So deep that to rest your back on them, you had to shuffle so your calves were wraggling over the edge and by the time you'd wriggled forwards to your feet, you needed another rest break from the exertion. The alternatives of low stools were also dreadful, no support so my organs were crushed under the weight of my bump as my admoninals were re-located somewhere round my sides.