To want some seats/benches out there in the world?

[dontcomeatme]

Want to start by saying I am so angry about this but I have no idea where to turn or what I can do. Or AIBU and need to let it go?
I have a 2YO DS and a 8 week old baby. We went to a family members yesterday, I don't drive so walked with doubly buggy. I try to fill my EBF baby up before the walk so he's settled but yesterday I clearly didn't give him enough and while walking he started banshee screaming. So I thought let's just find a seat, give toddler my phone with Disney+ for 20 mins (he's a runner I can't let him out of the pram safety on my own), and top the baby up. I walked for 15 minutes and could not find somewhere to sit anywhere. The whole time my baby is hysterical, I tried holding him but then couldn't push the pram. In the end I sat on the pavement and breastfed right there, in the middle of the street. 2 women walked past and checked I was okay, one of them said she has the same issue, recent hip replacement and would like to rest while walking but zero seat options. Not even in bus stops!!! I just think this is appalling. Since it happened I've been looking around all of the estates looking for rest areas and there are none?! Am I overreacting? I'm in the NE of England and feel like contacting the council or something but I have no idea what to expect.
YABU - Let it go it's probably a one off experience.
YANBU - There should be rest areas in the community.

We have lots of benches where I am and you're right they are important. People need to be able to get out in the fresh air, and people with mobility issues, young children, the elderly and I'm sure many more need to have a sit down now and then. I think benches can also be social and where strangers can chat.

Totally get your point @dontcomeatme . However, in our village the parish council and some fundraising bought four lovely wooden benches to commemorate the Queen's platinum jubilee in 2022. Sadly, only one remains following vandalism. Damaged beyond repair.

I think some benches were removed during covid. Plus some benches near parks are made deliberately uncomfortable to stop unsocial behavior. Thinking where I live (a city) there isn't benches on walk into town, apart from bus stops. But lots in the city centre.

In Sunderland and I know we had a very dear family friend get a memorial bench - which was removed after it was utterly trashed (I am still pissed off about this years and years later), they nicked the memorial plaque to flog for scrap metal and eventually destroyed the whole thing. If that's gone on out in the local estates I would imagine it's one reason why... but it is crappy.

Dunno who you'd contact - I'd ask my family who have council connections but they've buggered off on holiday at the moment so I'd have to wait till they're back.

Not in a coastal area, just a small town.

What you need OP, is a telescopic portable stool - as used by my relative with mobility problems and when she needed to sit, she needed to sit right there even if there was a bench 12 feet away. Sorry, can't do the linky thing but they're available on Amazon etc.
Course, you could pursue lobbying the council but, IMHO, your child is likely to be working with children of their own by the time you get anywhere - if you do.

In my town, a lot of the seating disappeared because of covid, and then just never came back.

It's awful, especially at this time of year when everyone wants to be outdoors more.

I would write to your MP. It's a genuine issue that needs addressing.

Write to your MP, not the council. If you're not sure who they are, you can find them here
https://members.parliament.uk/FindYourMP

Our local big shopping centre took all the seating out over lockdown and it never come back . They put little kiosks in where once there was seating . They had massive sofas set up at one point but they were removed and they got a lot of feedback saying people were avoiding shopping there coz there was nowhere to sit and take a rest so over the past year they’ve filled the centre with designer benches . They’ve removed loads of kiosks and gave them units so they can make little seating areas which has been great for shoppers . They’ve removed loads whole centre has been made a lot more accessible now for older people .

But our local park there is literally one bench on the whole area . It’s hidden away so there’s not a single bench or seat around the field . And don’t get me started on bins !!!!

This annoys me so much. At one point I was taking three elderly, not very mobile, relatives to varying appointments and shopping.
We had a new hospital built in our city at the time. Lots of glass, tiles, and no seating near the main entrance where you could only drop patients off. Also no seating on the endless miles of corridors.

I complained to the hospital. Why did the planners not realise that patients with varying problems would often need to sit down? Amazingly the next time I visited there was some basic seating near the front door.

Our city centre has lots of seating in certain areas but none in others. It seems completely random. The only shop in my area with seats is our local chemist's. I'm sure more people would be encouraged to walk if they knew that they could rest at times.

Definitely speak to someone about it, having somewhere to sit when walking in town can make a big difference to some people's potential for being mobile. If they know they can rest sometimes they will feel more able to walk despite mobility issues.

And feel you with the needing to breastfeed mid-walk. I had to walk several kms to town with ten day old DS so I could get my iron infusion. Half way there he needed to feed, had to go to a cafe that wasn't even open yet and beg them to let me in to feed and change him.

So where would the money and people to look after them come from? I would think if there was a need they may have thought about it by now?

It’s a problem, my elderly parents used to walk into town by the river, then the council removed all the benches along there, and they couldn’t walk that far without a sit down. I emailed the council, and eventually, had a reply that said they wouldn’t put the benches back because of vandalism. It was a popular route, but now, a lot fewer people use it. Most of the bus shelters don’t have a seat, or a shelter, actually, and many don’t even have the timetable, they want you to use an app that doesn’t get updated or tell you anything. The rot set in a long time ago. Good luck with your crusade, I hope it’s successful in getting more seating!🤞🏻

YANBU - there are nowhere near enough benches in public places in the UK for parents/elderly/people who just want to sit and chat

YABU to give a 2yo Disney+ to keep him quiet though. I would nip that in the bud pronto.

Hahahaha this always makes me laugh on MN.

As if writing to your MP will solve everything.

I’ve never had so much as an automated response from my MP in 20 years.

Other countries seem to manage it. I live in Spain and there are benches everywhere. Old people are out and about all the time and if they need somewhere to rest, they never have to look far.

Absolutely agree. Also the lack of public toilets is terrible.

Writing to your MP does work. I work in the public sector and if we ever get a referral from an MP/councillor we have to give it the highest priority.

My town is quite well-served for benches, despite having very narrow pavements in much of the town centre. I can think of at least 10 or more places where there's anything from 1-3 benches, and it's a small town (pop <20k).

We only have 3 public toilets though, possibly 4 if they've reopened the ones by the station the local druggies used to use. And they're all shut and locked by 7pm, which is no use at all for people toddling home after a night on the lash.

It's no wonder people piss in the street. I've had to duck down a handy alleyway at least a couple of times.

So what would you suggest I do while sitting in the middle of the street breastfeeding a baby? My toddler can't be let out because he's a runner and climber. He already had snacks. I never ever do phone screen time with him but had no choice that day. Thanks for making me feel more shitty about the situation than I already did 👍😑

There is clearly a need. But benches have been removed due to covid and or vandalism. Doesn't mean the need has disappeared, just the seats.

I am going to contact my local MP, for all the good it will do. There is definitely a need for more benches, but as other pp have asked, where will the money come from, and what about vandalism. This seems to be a crap situation for many, and oh my god I forgot about lack of bins and toilets! It's a nightmare. The new thing now too is the locked baby changing room, so you have to go and find someone with a key, ridiculous. Although what's even more sad is the reason it's probably locked is vandalism 😕 we can't have anything nice.

It doesn’t if your MP doesn’t even acknowledge your email. My MP has one of the worst records in the UK. I may as well write to Father Christmas.

I always had little board books and toys in my bag for this. I’m just saying it doesn’t always have to be food or a screen.

YANBU, I complained to the council as all the benches in our area were taped up during lockdown and I couldn’t sit to feed DD. Going for a walk during that miserable lonely time was the only thing I could do other than staying at home with a lockdown (in a single room as DH had to work from the other room and we were in a one bed flat). I wasn’t the most confident with BF anyway and doing it in the cold while sitting on a pavement is one of my most awful lockdown memories. Had forgotten about that until now. Hellish.