To think that having no enemies usually means you’re a people pleaser, not a good person?

[ThisDreamyBeaker]

If you never upset anyone, ever, it probably means you’re avoiding saying what you really think, setting boundaries, or standing for anything difficult. AIBU to think having absolutely no enemies isn’t a sign of being good - it’s a sign of being afraid to rock the boat?

Well I don't have any enemies. I have plenty of self-esteem and don't let people get away with treating me badly, but I handle any trouble early on before it deteriorates, and do so firmly but civilly, so I haven't yet had an argument with anyone when telling them what I need/want/think.
I do have a nice easy family though. I think it's probably more difficult to achieve if you have difficulties with family.

Upsetting people occasionally isn’t the same thing as having enemies. I haven’t had an ‘enemy’ since I was 7.

No, means you are good at being assertive without being aggressive.

Enemies 🤣

All my enemies are dead

You have enemies?! Who are they and why are they your enemy? Do they know they are?

I don't knowingly have enemies but I don't live endlessly in my head, what other people think of me is their business not mine

I don’t have enemies
and I’m not a “people pleaser”
a lovely wide group of long standing friends

and most of the threads from mumsnetters talking / bitching / whining about their “friends” are utterly unfathomable to me

OP, I’m guessing you have lots of enemies but pride yourself on having strong boundaries? 😆

Are you 6 OP? Enemies ffs

Eh? I’m not a people pleaser, I say no, I express views, and there are probably quite a few people who’ve decided I’m not their cup of tea. But these are not enemies. We just didn’t gel.

To make an enemy you really have to screw someone over surely. Not just “not people please”.

I don’t have any enemies. I can stand up for myself though when I need to and I do it in an assertive way. I am careful who I spend time with and steer clear of those who bring drama to their lives.

I don’t think anyone would ever refer to be as a people pleaser, though I am kind and would go out of my way to help someone.

I don't have any enemies....I have several arch nemesis though

Enemies?
I think you'd have to be an absolute wanker to have actual enemies! 🤣

But yiu dont mean enemies, you mean someone being upset with you sometimes because you've not done what they wanted.

And yes, if you always do what everyone else wants all the time even if it isn't what you want, because you're afraid to upset anyone and you're scared of the thought of someone being cross with you then that's definitely a people pleaser.

Op name changed for this thread

I am guessing a plethora of threads this one has started about all the drama and relationship issues and arguments in her life!

its a possibility

Im a good person and have quite a few enemies ! People seem to be really confused by me and I often have my words and actions misinterpreted. I have ASD and I think I can come across badly. I never lie or do anything that is unkind, yet I still have loads of people who dislike me even some who are suspicious of me !

I have no enemies.

I don’t hold grudges, genuinely have no time for that.

But if we have had cross words and I think we can’t come back from it then I draw an under it and I don’t think about them again.

I couldn’t be arsed having ‘enemies’. We are adults!

Let’s just say I’ve set boundaries some people don’t like and I’m okay with that. I don’t keep a list but not everyone’s going to clap for you when you stop people-pleasing.

Oh I bet you’re a treasure in real life Op 😆

This gives me horror movie school mums vibes, daggers at 10 paces with their eyes

I think using the term enemy is very telling on your attitude to relationships with those around you.
There is an absolute gulf between being a doormat people pleaser and having 'enemies'. It is perfectly possible to put boundaries in place and assert them without upsetting people. I would suggest if you putting boundaries in place leads to hateful relationships, then you may need to reconsider how you deal with people.

An enemy is someone that’s hates you surely? I don’t think the average person has enemies unless they’re significantly harmed them etc…

Saying no and setting boundaries doesn’t create enemies in well adjusted people.

If what you mean by ‘enemy’, is people that don’t really like you, that’s different as no one likes everyone all of the time. There will be some people that don’t like people pleasers either!

Not quite sure what struck a nerve there but no, I don’t “pride myself” on having enemies. My point was simply that never upsetting anyone can sometimes be a sign of avoiding conflict at all costs, not moral superiority. If that doesn’t resonate with your experience, fair enough but no need for the mockery.

I don’t have any enemies that I can think of. There are people that I avoid contact with and there is a lady on this years ski trip that I deliberately avoided talking to for the entire 6 nights, but I wouldn’t call her an enemy, more that our personality types didn’t gel and that upset me.

Because it’s so daft and very telling that you think this Op

I don’t have any enemies. Ive always been very careful with who I let in, so if I don’t like someone, then they don’t get the opportunity to get close enough to me to matter. I’ve removed any family members from my life that I didn’t like so I’m just left with nice people who can disagree without arguments and drama.