What to reply when people constantly ask when are you going to work/how can you afford to be off?

[Sockmate123]

Currently on a career break and I'm getting so many comments/questions like this. Do ppl that are permanent SAHP's get this? I'm loving being off tbh and would love to extend it!

This is the exact situation that the Mumsnet ‘tinkly laugh’ was invented for.

It’s none of their business and you don’t need to discuss your finances with anyone.

Change the subject and don’t give their nosiness another thought.

I’d remind them that it’s vulgar to talk about money, but I’m snappy like that.

“Doing drug runs”. Then a little cackle.

Give them a Paddington "hard stare" and reply that you're not sure. This is a good response to many nosey questions.

I think I’d go down @SparklyBrickViper‘s route and come up with a sarcastic answer.
Drugs, prostitution, secret sugar daddy etc

Perhaps they are just genuinely interested as they would like to do the same. Women should normalise talking about money, it’s not vulgar in the right situation.

Short response followed by redirection

"Oh don't worry about me, I'll manage.

Anyway.....how are things with you? Last time, we spoke you mentioned X....:

Oh, but I do work!

'I sell my used underwear and shoes online. Its quite lucrative'
'I'm a cam girl'
'I'm a dominatrix. We have a dungeon in the basement'

Just be vague.

I think it’s because people hope there is some magic secret to being able to afford it that they haven’t been told whereas the reality is probably very boring and they wouldn’t actually be interested/able to do it. No-one really wants to hear “I’ve been planning it and saving/investing/whatever really carefully for the last 5 years to afford it” because that feels unrealistic for them, they’d much rather you leaned in and whispered “I won the lottery” because then it’s luck, not your ability to plan and delay gratification/their lack of ability to do that.

i get asked this a lot. I rarely answer as it’s too complicated and gets too much judgement. I seem to bump into a lot of nosey people !

I feel a bit embarassed about not working. I try to avoid talking about, sometimes just say we can manage fine on one income. But there do seem to be lots of people who find it unacceptable, not sure why it bothers them though!

Someone I know formulated the perfect response-“I’m very lucky to be able to stay at home at the moment.”

She was saying that they had the financial means to enable her to stay at home-not much you can say to that really.

I’ve been self-employed for years and don’t typically work full-time. I’m also very lucky to be able to do this.

@Ineedanewsofa Good points, not having to work (or only needing to work p-t) is a real privilege and many ppl would like to know how it’s done. Although the reality is often rather boring-getting additional qualifications, working bloomin hard, etc.

Reply oh what an interesting question, how do you think I can afford it. (Extra points for a slight head tilt and unblinking staring eyes).

Some great replies thanks. I find it so nosey, someone said today, 'be honest you don't need to work' 🙄 as if we are minted (we are not!) Then another said do you not want to get back sooner 'for your sanity'. I suppose i should have replied, gosh do you think I'm insane 🙈🙈

I think i will just say I'm lucky to be off. Both kids have additional needs, DH works abroad alot. That's the actual reason but they just think I'm 'lazy' or 'rich'

If its not someone who knows you closely I would honestly just lie and say I do work. The burnt out 60 hour work weekers can be very resentful of anyone doing less than them and sometimes it's just not worth the drama

Tell them you are working but can't say any more than that as "it's classified information " 🕵‍♀️ then touch the side of your nose and wink, mysteriously.

One or two people have said to me are you going to get a job soon and I said “don’t be disgusting!”

I don’t even have DC. If I did, I would have to work as they’re pricy.

I agree. I was off for about a year after I got made redundant. I just had to ride it out. I would tell people I was taking some time off or was between jobs. Or sometimes I would say I worked for myself (I did a little).

Change the subject OP!

I agree. I was off for about a year after I got made redundant. I just had to ride it out. I would tell people I was taking some time off or was between jobs. Or sometimes I would say I worked for myself (I did a little).

Oh just say robbed a bank

I met someone on a year-long career break earlier today and my immediate thought was: "WOW, how do you afford that". I didn't say it. Because I quickly worked out the answer was that she had the money to fund it!

I've no doubt some people are crass with their comments to you and they shouldn't be. And I genuinely think good for you. But in my world it is fairly extraordinary to meet someone who doesn't need to work to live.

So maybe it comes from a place of surprise / curiosity rather than warranting some snippy answer.

I was made redundant with a generous package. I’m 54 so a bit early for retirement 😥 but enjoying the time out. I say that I’m taking advantage of the payout - who knows what the future holds (mum died v young) and considering my options.

now back to sunbathing and the latest book…

Well, why ARE you off??

(Come on, it's anonymous, and I'm bloody nosy)

‘When I’m happy to do so’