To think most people will be mostly single in future

[ladalover]

I was reading some articles about more women choosing to be, and men remaining single. It struck me that with financial needs and procreation decoupled from traditional longterm relationships, the future could see people essentially choosing a single life, having children through science or an arranged interaction and agreement, and that possibly singlehood for all or most of adult life will become normal.

This. In spades!

Sounds lovely

I Live with a very dear old friend. Our relationship is very loving and close but platonic. We share a lot of time and interests and household chores, expenses, cooking, run a car between us. It's bliss. No sexual tension, our own wonderful individual bedrooms to sleep in at night, companionship and work through our separate worries and problems together when they arise.

The trouble is women have changed and men have not. Until a bridge can be found nothing will change.

Some great responses, really thought-provoking. I agree that straight men have been slow to catch on to the fact that women aren't necessarily financially dependent on them, and in many cases they haven't developed beyond the expectation of a wife coming as part of a package with a job, education etc. Certainly the housing costs explosion pulls for many in the other direction. That said, those set to inherit might not feel the same pressure (although if life spans increase that too will change). I read something a few years ago that predicted a period of time where the norm for men became lower educational achievement, and lower earnings than women. With increasing housing costs these men would either stay in the parental home for life, perhaps becoming carers at the end, or be in longterm shared accommodation with other single men, the kind that used to be just for students or early 20 somethings. Then, a portion of them might become fathers at some point, but not necessarily live with or be involved with the. mother beyond child rearing. Others would remain lifelong bachelors, perhaps developing new hobbies or interests in the time that'd otherwise have been devoted to childcare or relationships. I think this may already be happening in some parts of the Far East

Doubt it. Who can afford to live alone these days?

I read posts about people in loveless marriages with children they resent and I feel sad for those posters.

Horses for courses.

I agree OP.
Only because I am single and have no financial worries. Lots of great friends and freedom. I can feel lonely at times, but that’s nothing compared to the devastating feeling of knowing you’re in yet another relationship with someone who sees you only there to cater for their needs. I am a very loving person, but I have my DC to pour that in to and I can now also pour it into myself. Rather than giving it to someone who just wants more and more and never gives back. I’m sick of being an emotional support person for dysfunctional men.

Why “sad” about other people’s life choices?? How smarmy and condescending.

The planet is overpopulated and burning. Many worthy species are suffering and getting killed off daily due to human incursion, pollution, violence. Competition for dwindling resources is getting worse, as is climate change. Many humans suffer greatly every day.

Fewer people on Earth would be a positive. The fact that humans are finding other interesting and enriching life paths instead of automatically and mindlessly bio-breeding is a good thing, not something to lament.

Can I ask how old you are? Just I agree with you when you said about the expectations we had about romance when we were young. Tbf I think we (women) have been lied to about romance from the start. I’m mid 30s and even from an early age looking back now I see how we were manipulated into thinking finding your prince was the main thing you needed to achieve in life. It did get better in the late 90s/00s.

Isn’t this happening already? I think it is also a driver behind falling birth rates in many places.

Societal changes means for many now relationships are optional which means they date differently leading to more being single. Single is my default (much to my family’s chagrin) and I know a fair few women (and some men) like me. Especially among my group of friends and acquaintances.

You can change your vote.

In places like the Uk, Northern Europe possibly, in other cultures I’d say not.

No, I don't think most people will be single in the future. It doesn't matter what your sexual bias is, people generally like to pair up, it's human nature. Sure, some people prefer to be single and independent but it's not what most people want to do is what I'm saying.

While I'm about it, from reading many of the threads on MN you would think that almost everyone is unhappy with their marriage, all men are hopeless and do nothing to help out and every woman is reaching for the door or has already done so. There is a narrative that it's not worthwhile a woman looking for a life partner because its tantamount to a lifetime of servitude. All I can say is that in my experience its not like that. I fully appreciate that not all marriages succeed and we sometimes suffer terrible physical and emotional abuse from our partners in the process of a relationship breakdown. I'm aware of the statistic that 1/3 of marriages end in divorce but in 32 couples in my friendship circle and family stretching back over a period of 30 years only 1 of the couples have divorced. Unexpected widowhood has affected more of the couples in my friendship circle than divorce. I don't know the reason for the low incidence of divorce, perhaps for many of them, money appears not to be a problem they have to deal with. All I'm saying is that more marriages succeed than fail, lots of couples are happy, more men are emotionally mature and supportive than not.

Yes and I predict many solo Mums like myself. I afford it as I’ve had a decent career and inheritance. My teenage son and myself are very happy. He’ll be off to university September I don’t intend to risk his inheritance on the type of men I’ve met. I might date again but they’d have to worship me and be rich and keep their own house.

Friendships can't help with this? Or only romantic connections?

I think most people will always want to be in a relationship.

They may not want marriage, but they do want to have an intimate relationship with someone and have that companionship.

They also want to have other experiences with friends. To travel, to have fun and be active.

There could be a positive outcome.

All adults learn to fend for themselves - earn their own money, do their own life admin, budget their own finances, nourish themselves and keep themselves and their home clean.

Once they can do that independently, they are ready to share a home with another human and will be a wholesome adult.

It should be the norm alread but sadly it's not yet.

I am single and still have family.

And most people see joy in good marriages. If one of those is not on offer then being single is just where people end up.

@snughugs but they’d have to worship me and be rich and keep their own house.

This!
The only way they can qualify next time around.😆

A live in companion is actually my idea of hell. I just cannot imagine somebody in my space all the time.

Hopefully it’ll be more whatever makes you happy- for me it’s (was) having a person I adored being around and could be totally my worst self around, we only had eyes for each other, we could finish each other’s sentences, we had a laugh, even at the worst times, and we were there for each other and we didn’t automatically slam each other for mistakes we made because we’re both human.

I do wonder nowadays are more people choosy and so unwilling to let faults slide but I’m thinking I sound like my mum even thinking that!!!

Children and family are only important things to you because you have them. If you were single and you had a lovely dog then would you feel sad that other people didn't want a dog because that dog brings so much more joy to your life than a career? Or a sister, or a best friend or whatever it may be. It sounds a bit patronising when you say you feel sad for people who don't have what you have, especially if they don't even want it.

I've always been far too self-immersed to be part of a long-term couple. But I'm not "happily single" because I'm not by nature a happy sort of person. I'd imagine if I was part of a couple I'd be just as sad most of the time.

But being a lifelong single does take a punishing toll, when good friends and loved ones die - your world shrinks hugely and you have to decide if it's worth going on. The thick fog of of sorrow, loss and regret closes in and can become overwhelming.

It's similar of course if you have a partner, but if the relationship is a worthy one the support will be strong and comforting in these circumstances.

But eventually of course your partner may pass away before you do, and you'll be in the same leaking boat as me anyway. Be thankful for supportive friends, whether you live in the same house or not.

EXACTLY.

Living with other people, & that includes as part of a couple, was bloody awful for my mental health. Living with my cat, & spending a lot of time socialising with friends & family, is perfect.

@Emanresuunknown, please don’t worry about feeling sorry for me. It’s completely wasted.