To think most people will be mostly single in future

[ladalover]

I was reading some articles about more women choosing to be, and men remaining single. It struck me that with financial needs and procreation decoupled from traditional longterm relationships, the future could see people essentially choosing a single life, having children through science or an arranged interaction and agreement, and that possibly singlehood for all or most of adult life will become normal.

Young people will still couple up, to afford housing, to have children, to try and create a successful nuclear family.
Half of those relationships will fail. The rate of failure may continue to rise.
But I don't see young adults giving up the dream.

For older people, the women will want to remain single after divorce, especially if the children have left home. The men will want a new partner, and if they are lucky will get a younger one, then likely she wants to start her first family (his second family).
But most men won't get a new relationship and will be lonely and bitter in old age.

I know loads of fully functioning men, really good ones, good partners, hands on parents, earn well, contribute at home, I know loads of them. If the rest of them get the message that this will give them the best opportunity at a healthy fulfilling relationship with a partner then I think that there is a lot of hope for the future. If they listen to the incel narrative and go the other way then I don’t hold out much hope.

I do predict a massive swing to the right coming our way, left leaning ideology coming out in liberal democracy has not had many good answers to some of the most serious social issues of the last fifty years so that will likely bring its own impact.

I think that the social acceptance of single life has changed as have the circumstances that allow people to be independent in a way that wasn’t previously possible but people are generally sociable and that’s why we seek out relationships
The nature of relationships may change for example less marriage but I think that relationships themselves are still going to dominate, practically, financially, emotionally & just for general companionship
yes relationships will continue to be imperfect & will work better for some and not others and will change over time but I don’t think they will be the minority

I think you are on to something, and I think a lot of has to do with what a PP said, women have more money, more power, more time and they don't need to settle when it comes to men but a lot of men still seem to think any woman should just be happy to have them.

I was married and lived with a man for 20+ years, I won't live with another man again. I could potentially have a relationship again, but I won't be living with anyone. I also live in the country with the most single people households in the world (Sweden) and it's on the increase here. It's also a fairly wealthy country with great financial support for people so it's easier than in many other countries of course.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I much prefer being single, I’m truly happy and feel sorry for married friends with their grumpy husbands that can’t find things and drink too much and snore. But I think I enjoy singledom so much because I’ve been very much in love in the past, had relationships and great times with partners. So I’ve got the t shirt. I haven got FOMO. I also have family living with me.
I think chronic aloneness might not be feasible, for mental health.

In terms of decline in birth rate we need to look at the reasons why.
Women are choosing to be single. Men are single because they don’t have a choice. Women are far advancing men in terms of education,money and career progression. There have been many articles about how girls in secondary school are performing better compared to boys. Women are levelling the playing field finally after hundreds of years of oppression.
Cost of living is also a factor. People just can’t afford to have a child and a good standard of living, so what’s the point really? Women have also woken up and realised that they can choose not to have children unlike women before them that probably didn’t realise that they infact they did have a choice.
Final factor is men’s treatment of women. Everyday you read horrendous stories about yet another man killing a woman. People like Andrew Tate have influenced young boys to openly hate women and see them nothing more than sex objects. There’s also the rise of incels. Men agin who hate women and are voluntary celibate because no woman in their sane mind would willing go near them. A lot of the problems we have around the declining birth rate has been caused by men.

People are attracted to each other and are social beings. We thrive when we have healthy, supportive relationships.

There’s nothing selfish about them choices. Your life sounds bliss.

Yes and it will change the housing market. It is already a key driver of the housing shortage as the number of houses needed has gone up significantly out of proportion to population increase.

Nonsense. Humans worvk far fewer hours today.

”Historically in the UK, working hours have varied significantly over time. In the 13th and 14th centuries, adult male peasants and casual laborers worked approximately 1,620 and 1,440 hours per year, respectively. By the middle ages, the average English worker was estimated to work 2,309 hours annually. During the industrial revolution in the mid-19th century, working hours were considerably longer, often exceeding 3,105 hours per year for average workers. Today, the average full-time worker in the UK works around 1,700 hours per year. “

I won't get married again for sure. I have my cats and my adult son who doesn't live too far away. My husbands were about as good as a chocolate fireguard.
A good few of my friends had children on their own by sperms donor one said she couldn't find anyone fit to be the father of her child.
It's sad really given the expectations we had of romance when we were young.

Exactly this. I work in Healthcare which is predominately female and see this all the time. Once the kids are out of school they leave. I’ve also noticed a trend of divorced previously hetro women having happy relationships with other women in their 40s. They thrive whilst the man just becomes bitter.

Look at rates of marriage and child bearing by education and income. Not every socio-economic group has decided that marriage and curated childbearing are a bad idea.

I don’t see the economically more successful classes forgoing a system that works to raise more economically successful members.

It’s possible the system no longer works for people unable to enter those economic classes, but I doubt it will go away entirely.

It sounds depressing to me, so I'm glad I'm living now. Nothing wrong with being single, but I think most people will still crave a live-in companion, even if they struggle to find one or stay with them for life.

I doubt it. The majority of people who want children enjoy being around other people (otherwise they would likely choose to be single without children like many do)
It's also not that easy financially or practically to have DC as a single parent. There is then the conflict of being the only adult available to provide their physical and emotional needs, whilst also needing to be successful in a career to provide for their financial needs. At minimum it means a lot of time in childcare. Or struggling financially whilst being present. You can't be in 2 places at once.

That was the male peasants. The females were mostly at home raising children and managing home life. Obviously a shift in what managing home life means then and now, but they weren't going out to work 40 hour a week and putting their children in nurseries.

I am married to one of the ‘good ones’. We have been empty-nesters for a few years now and are planning lots of trips. We get on really well.

My friend is also married to a good guy.

However, we still have wistful ‘jokey’ moments where we think after the menopause, wouldn’t it be nice if all the women lived together and all the men lived together once the child-rearing was over. I reckon we might just all have more fun that way ;-)

I think being single will be a more accepted lifestyle choice, maybe fewer elderly relatives questioning when you are going to find yourself a nice boy/girl to settle down with, but I expect the majority will still try to find someone.

Female peasant were working too, while they had children, on the land, darning, washing, service etc. They weren't just in the home. Then they died in childbirth and their husbands married someone else. It was mainly the industrialist classes who had man working and woman at home, and the upper classes who had neither doing very much apart from managing their staff.

I read these posts and feel so sad that so many people now don't seem to see any joy and happiness in children, family and marriage.

I have a decent career but it's my children and family that are the greatest light of my life and I know the same is true for many people I know.

And I'm not someone from a conservative/religious background where these values are esteemed culturally or anything.... Just from a very loving family. Just saddens me so many don't have this experience

😂😂😂 I’ve had them women only and men only commune talks with my friends.

Working on the land, washing, making clothes etc was still primarily at home though. Women weren't going out providing alone like single parents now.
In the situation they did become single parents the children often ended up with family or in workhouses, or the mums ended up in prostitution out of desperation. They weren't managing both or single mums working long hours whilst having children in functional families.

I genuinely could not agree more. This idea has the simplicity of genius.

Why are you sad though? People make their own choices. Not everyone wants a family, marriage and children. Raising children sounds utterly boring to me. I honestly couldn’t think of anything worse. But that’s my opinion. Doesn’t mean it’s fact. Doesn’t mean it’s right. I’m also from a loving family and certainly not sad that people choose a different lifestyle from me.