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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you attend a wedding if your spouse wasn’t invited?

56 replies

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 20:17

So, would you attend a wedding if your spouse wasn’t invited. Interested to hear people’s opinions as there’s a few threads on this recently and I love wedding drama

There are many reasons why a spouse might not be invited such as

  • costs
  • limited capacity
  • at the bottom of the pecking order - might not have met the spouse or only met a few times and would rather invite another guest
  • Might dislike spouse
  • Might want the wedding to be a small intimate ceremony

is it normal to invite spouses? Is it considered rude if they are not invited? Would you be offended or not care? What about people that are in relationships but are not married? How long do people need to be dating for their OH to be invited?

YABU - No, I would not attend a wedding without a spouse being invited

YANBU- Yes, I would attend a wedding without spouse and don’t care they would not invited

OP posts:
CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 13/05/2025 20:19

I would potentially go. Depends on whose wedding it was and how important it was, why DH wasn’t invited and if I knew other people there.

TeenLifeMum · 13/05/2025 20:19

If it’s a work colleague then totally fair. Only time it’s acceptable imo.

Overall, going to a wedding is boring unless you’re in good company. The bride and groom will be busy so they don’t count as company so I expect to bring a plus one.

Ceska · 13/05/2025 20:20

Yes

Have done

We are not joined at the hip

fourelementary · 13/05/2025 20:21

Mostly I would say a husband or wife should be included.

Exceptions being if I was part of a friendship group where others werent married and we would go together and hubby would be left out…

BendingSpoons · 13/05/2025 20:21

If I was invited with a group of friends, then I would happily go without DH. He doesn't like weddings anyway!

user593 · 13/05/2025 20:21

It depends on the circumstances. My partner recently attended a wedding I wasn’t invited to, which I wasn’t happy about. It wasn’t a small wedding and I knew the groom well, but all the partners/ wives of his friends had been excluded (but not the partners/ husbands of hers!).

Edited to add I was particularly annoyed as the wedding necessitated an overnight stay!

Cynic17 · 13/05/2025 20:22

It would depend on whose wedding, other guests etc. If it was very much "my crowd", then it would be fine.
More formal or family affair, I might be a bit more reluctant.

Seeyousoonboo · 13/05/2025 20:23

What is the obsession with wedding drama on MN? Of course I would go to wedding without my DH, unless it was done as a personal snub.

toastofthetown · 13/05/2025 20:24

Depends on the wedding but probably. I’ve thought about this in relation to my family where I have a lot of cousins. Im an older cousin so there were only a handful of partners, but for the younger ones where there will me more partners and children, I’d rather be invited alone than miss out because a plus one for every cousin is unwieldy. I think you just have to keep it fair between groups - everyone in each group either has a partner or doesn’t.

Ratisshortforratthew · 13/05/2025 20:26

It wouldn’t bother me and wouldn’t be a factor in whether I attended or not. Same in reverse, I don’t care if I’m invited to weddings with him or not

Original poster
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 20:27

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 13/05/2025 20:19

I would potentially go. Depends on whose wedding it was and how important it was, why DH wasn’t invited and if I knew other people there.

Yeah that’s fair. Would there be any major factors for you not wanting to go?

OP posts:
Squirrelblanket · 13/05/2025 20:27

In theory, yes. It wouldn't bother me. Or him.

In practice, neither of us enjoy weddings. I probably wouldn't accept an invitation to a wedding unless it was someone really close/a family member and in that case I can't imagine him not being invited as we have been together over 20 years and have mostly the same friends.

When my friend got married, he was invited for the whole day and opted to just come for the evening do as he didn't want to take a day off work for it. It was fine.

Superhansrantowindsor · 13/05/2025 20:28

I would. DH going to a wedding soon and I’m not invited. It’s a work colleague so I’m not bothered. If it was his brothers wedding I’d be annoyed.

ALittleBitWooo · 13/05/2025 20:29

Yes I’d go, I got married 2 years ago and we didn’t invite plus ones. It was a small wedding and it would have been weird for half of the guests to be strangers. As an example, my husband invited three work colleagues.. All married but we didn’t invite there husbands. Equally my husband has been invited to a wedding from a work colleague and I haven’t, this is fine by me, I don’t know them.
Its only on Mumsnet that the idea of making your partner insist on wedding invites or read things into going to an ex wifes funeral is a thing.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 13/05/2025 20:31

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 20:27

Yeah that’s fair. Would there be any major factors for you not wanting to go?

Show quote history

If I didn’t know anyone else I’d probably be reluctant to go. But that’s not me being offended that DH wasn’t invited, just that I imagine I’d be bored/lonely.

Id really not be offended at DH not being invited but I might decline the invite to avoid being awkward by myself. Two separate issues if you see what I mean.

sweetpickle2 · 13/05/2025 20:33

Yes, would and have. In those cases it was clear why partners/spouses weren't invited.

If (for example) my best friend got married and had 500 people on the guest list and didn't invite my partner I'd probably be a bit miffed, but I'd still go.

Original poster
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 20:33

TeenLifeMum · 13/05/2025 20:19

If it’s a work colleague then totally fair. Only time it’s acceptable imo.

Overall, going to a wedding is boring unless you’re in good company. The bride and groom will be busy so they don’t count as company so I expect to bring a plus one.

Weddings can definitely be boring especially if you don’t know the other guests. Do you think each guest should have a plus one regardless of their relationship status? I’ve been to a few weddings when I was single and did not get a plus one, wasn’t that arsed as I knew a few other guests. But my friend was fumming her bf wasn’t invited, despite not having met the groom or bride. Another friend at a different wedding got a plus one as she was single which I thought was thoughtful.

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 13/05/2025 20:35

We go to quite a few weddings separately as I have a a large work formed friendship group and it's quite accepted to just invite the friend/colleague/ex colleague.

DH regularly goes to family weddings without me. PIL were one of 15 and one of 9 so he has an absolute fucktonne of cousins. FIL's side generally don't invite cousins. MIL's side invite cousins, but not their spouses, partners or children. Nobody takes offence.
On a couple of occasions I've been a last minute invite if people have pulled out and that's normal/not offensive in this family either.

Original poster
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 20:39

fourelementary · 13/05/2025 20:21

Mostly I would say a husband or wife should be included.

Exceptions being if I was part of a friendship group where others werent married and we would go together and hubby would be left out…

Can I ask why you say they should be included? Genuinely interested to hear different opinions and reasons why.

OP posts:
Original poster
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 20:43

user593 · 13/05/2025 20:21

It depends on the circumstances. My partner recently attended a wedding I wasn’t invited to, which I wasn’t happy about. It wasn’t a small wedding and I knew the groom well, but all the partners/ wives of his friends had been excluded (but not the partners/ husbands of hers!).

Edited to add I was particularly annoyed as the wedding necessitated an overnight stay!

Edited

I wonder how the groom felt about that? Do you get on with the bride?

OP posts:
Thulpelly · 13/05/2025 20:48

It’s super rude imo, but i grew up in, and married into, two cultures where it’s not really done.

Original poster
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 20:49

Seeyousoonboo · 13/05/2025 20:23

What is the obsession with wedding drama on MN? Of course I would go to wedding without my DH, unless it was done as a personal snub.

Some comments on these threads say they would outright refuse the invite if a spouse wasn’t invited whilst others couldn’t care less, would go and say they are not joined at the hip. Some feel it’s rude and ettiequte is usually brought up.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 13/05/2025 20:50

It depends for me on how I know the couple or one of them.

maddiemookins16mum · 13/05/2025 20:52

The best wedding I attended was a work colleague. Went with the girls from work and had a ball.

TheNightingalesStarling · 13/05/2025 20:53

Completely depends on scenario. Both DH and I have attended weddings alone. Some of the ones he's been to I've actbeen invited but it was impractical to attend (childcare usually).