Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you attend a wedding if your spouse wasn’t invited?

56 replies

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 20:17

So, would you attend a wedding if your spouse wasn’t invited. Interested to hear people’s opinions as there’s a few threads on this recently and I love wedding drama

There are many reasons why a spouse might not be invited such as

  • costs
  • limited capacity
  • at the bottom of the pecking order - might not have met the spouse or only met a few times and would rather invite another guest
  • Might dislike spouse
  • Might want the wedding to be a small intimate ceremony

is it normal to invite spouses? Is it considered rude if they are not invited? Would you be offended or not care? What about people that are in relationships but are not married? How long do people need to be dating for their OH to be invited?

YABU - No, I would not attend a wedding without a spouse being invited

YANBU- Yes, I would attend a wedding without spouse and don’t care they would not invited

OP posts:
Original poster
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 20:55

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 13/05/2025 20:31

If I didn’t know anyone else I’d probably be reluctant to go. But that’s not me being offended that DH wasn’t invited, just that I imagine I’d be bored/lonely.

Id really not be offended at DH not being invited but I might decline the invite to avoid being awkward by myself. Two separate issues if you see what I mean.

Show quote history

Yes, I understand what you mean. Going to any party/event by yourself and not knowing anyone would definitely be a factor for me choosing not to attend

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 13/05/2025 20:55

Yes. I went to one recently. Only 16 of us at the service (I was lucky to make the cut!). A big reception party after. A few of us at the service were not with partners and it was one of those " ahhh, you are Pancake - Heard all about you" hug hug. I also knew some of the family and at the receptio saw a few people not seen for years.

I was nervous going on my own (pathetic I know) but I had the bestest of times and I couldn't drink any alcohol either.

InTheMiddle23 · 13/05/2025 20:58

I would absolutely attend alone.
Having seen hundreds of weddings, I could never get over the amount of couples who would be last in a ceremony room and screw up a face at not being able to sit next to their partner for all of 20 minutes because max capacity often meant that there were the exact number of seats for guests or 5 seats per side. Bizarre.

WayneEyre · 13/05/2025 21:05

Yes. It's nice if he can (especially as I haven't been well lately) but I wouldn't take it personally if not.

TeenLifeMum · 13/05/2025 21:10

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 20:33

Weddings can definitely be boring especially if you don’t know the other guests. Do you think each guest should have a plus one regardless of their relationship status? I’ve been to a few weddings when I was single and did not get a plus one, wasn’t that arsed as I knew a few other guests. But my friend was fumming her bf wasn’t invited, despite not having met the groom or bride. Another friend at a different wedding got a plus one as she was single which I thought was thoughtful.

Show quote history

Yes. We did. My grandmother brought her best friend. Our wedding was really about us wanting our guests to have the best time and party with us. Probably not your instagram style wedding but we had knee-skidding kids and everything.

ManchesterLu · 13/05/2025 21:13

Depends entirely why. Also providing there are other people for me to talk to, as I'm not brave enough to attend events alone.

If it's a case of there just not being enough space for everyone's partners then yeah, no problem. If there's some weird situation with feuds or whatever I'd be staying as far away as possible.

YouMustBeTheWeasleys · 13/05/2025 21:23

Ultimately it would depend - a work colleague’s evening do, I wouldn’t expect him to be invited. A friend or family member I would be offended. DH and I are married (obviously) and been together for a decade. He is extremely involved in my family it would be very rude not to invite him imo and I would take it personally. When we got married we invited the partners of everyone in established relationships at the time the invitations were sent out

OutandAboutMum1821 · 13/05/2025 21:31

YABU

It was acceptable aged 23 for a uni friend to not invite my then very new boyfriend of 10 months to her wedding, no expectation of an invite, went with a friend.

Fast forward almost 16 years together and almost 11 happily married and being almost 40, nope absolutely not. I would feel like I’d reverted to being a single teenager and find it bizarre! 😂 Neither myself or my DH would attend without the other. I disagree with how dismissive people seem to be of their spouses nowadays, my DH is top of my pecking order and me his, not other people.

At our wedding we invited spouses, long term partners and even children! There’s no way after being that generous and accommodating to everybody we know I’d accept poorer treatment from them.

As a side issue, the cost of weddings is certainly appalling, but I think we could all push back more against that and be less concerned with the insta perfect wedding than disregarding long held conventions regarding guest lists just to save money.

BobbyBiscuits · 13/05/2025 21:32

Yes, if I wanted to go anyway. It wouldn't make me more or less likely.

I guess if it was his best mate or a member of his family and they excluded him due to animosity then out of solidarity I'd not. But I can't imagine that happening. Well, I can on here!

Weddings are highly personal and whatever the bride and groom are having or wanting then you either go along with it or decline. I wouldn't get into a tizz about it as it's not my day.

housemaus · 13/05/2025 21:36

Yeah, 100% would attend (as long as there were other people I knew there - if it were a huge wedding and I didn't know anyone I might think of a polite excuse). DH and I have both been to weddings without one another and we had a very small wedding where a couple of spouses of guests weren't invited because we didn't know them really, it was fine.

SwanOfThoseThings · 13/05/2025 21:40

Only if there were other people besides the bride and groom I knew well enough to attach myself to.

skippy67 · 13/05/2025 21:40

I did last year. Wedding was in a beautiful castle in Italy. I had a wonderful time.

savethatkitty · 13/05/2025 21:44

If it's a work colleague/distant relative/acquaintance that my spouse hadn't met/didn't know well, then I think a solo invitation is acceptable. If it's your best friend, not inviting your spouse then WTF? (Unless they are sworn enemies or something).

tinytemper66 · 13/05/2025 21:47

Yes. Have on a few occasions. Never bothered me or him.

Itisjustmyopinion · 13/05/2025 21:47

Waiting for this topic with comments from MN to appear on Buzzfeed or Lad Bible considering it’s asked every other day at the moment.

Even your replies sound like a journalist probing for more information OP

CatamaranViper · 13/05/2025 21:54

DH has been invited to one of his friends weddings later this year without me. I know said friend, but not the person he's marrying. DH has known him for years (20+) and they have been really close up until the groom and bride started dating 3 years ago and basically turned into a recluse. DH has only been invited to the evening do which I can tell he's a bit hurt by, especially as he was asked to plan the stag do
Both groom and bride came to our wedding. Him as a full day guest and her as an evening one (we'd never met before) and she snubbed me.

MammaTo · 13/05/2025 22:02

It depends whose wedding it is. If it was a work colleague then I’d go without. There’s been times when a none mutual acquaintance has got married and OH has been invited in the night and he’s gone to that without me. Mutual friends and family then I wouldn’t go without.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 13/05/2025 22:04

I attended a COVID wedding of old schoolfriends solo.

It was really fun, most others had come solo too, except one couple - all old guy friends. The bride and groom asked all the couples up to the floor to join the slow dance. I said to the guys, "so who's coming up with me then?" - and the one guy who was there with his wife jumped up to dance!

She danced with one of the other guys there without their partners. She was looking fucking daggers at me, and I don't blame her.

Renabrook · 13/05/2025 22:07

Yes because the wedding is not about me

Itseatingmeup · 13/05/2025 22:11

Maybe would have been ok in my twenties, just out of uni. Age 50 ish, no, can't think of a scenario where it would happen. Maybe a work colleague? It wouldn't be someone close so would probably decline.

Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 13/05/2025 22:11

We had a wedding 6 months ago. As it was a twilight wedding at 4pm straight into the evening it was same guests for the ceremony and evening. We had work mates without spouses and we had certain friend groups without spouses. Ive still never met some of my workmates spouses and i class them as good friends after 14 years. It seemed very normal for us to do as we socialise that way with them too. We struggled to keep the guest list to 150 so that was a factor too. I've known some of my group 40 years and tbh when the wedding was mentioned, most of them were looking forward to a girly day with friends and no partners just catching up as well as helping us celebrate. As a sidenote, my nephews x 2 had new partners and they also attended so they could meet the family though I'd never met them before.

Original poster
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 13/05/2025 22:12

Itisjustmyopinion · 13/05/2025 21:47

Waiting for this topic with comments from MN to appear on Buzzfeed or Lad Bible considering it’s asked every other day at the moment.

Even your replies sound like a journalist probing for more information OP

😂😂😂😂 if I was a journalist I wouldn’t be getting my information from Mumsnet. I’m consciously being neutral in my replies to maintain being subjective, which is what you do when you want different opinions on a topic. It would be pretty counterproductive to ask for opinions yet show a strong bias to one of the arguments, don’t you think?

OP posts:
EggnogNoggin · 13/05/2025 22:16

It's always dependent. If it wasn't a snub then it's just practical decision amd i can't get angry about a practical, logical decision.

If its a wedding of 10k people and my sister hasn't invited my husband of 20 years, yeah, it's a problem! But a work colleague inviting me alone would be fine and I'd be quite touched to be invited. But then I'm not the sad stereotype of a woman who can't leave the house without "my partner".

Middleagedstriker · 13/05/2025 22:19

We must have been to about10 weddings separately and about 20 together. I never mind going alone or him going alone unless special people.

Endofyear · 13/05/2025 22:32

I'd be fine going if it was a work or hobby friend that DH doesn't know. We've been married 35 years and most of our friends we know as a couple so I'd be very surprised if one of us was invited without the other by a friend we both know. We're quite independent though so I don't think it would be problem for either of us.