Starting IVF but DH is “ill”

[FTIVF25]

DH has form of being ill when I’m ill.
i know it sounds ridiculous. My cycle is really regular so by tracking my cycle I know when I’m about to come on, I suffer quite badly with pains so the day before and day 1, I’m bed bound. A few days before I’m about to start my period DH is also unwell, he seems to either have a headache, cold or just something, for the other remaining 3 out of the 4 weeks, he’s working, out playing football, golf etc
We have been on the NHS IVF waitlist for 3 years and this month is finally the time we will be actually starting treatment. DH hasn’t been “poorly” since March .. today he wakes up with scratchy throat, it’s so sore he throws up a few times. We’re due to start IVF in a few days and I’m supposed to be taking it easy, reducing stress etc but DH being ill is majorly stressing me out. I can’t even sympathise with him and if anything I feel a bit angry. Right now he is currently in bed and has been since our nurse consultation to confirm our treatment plan which was earlier this afternoon. I’m wondering whether to postpone treatment this month and start next month?
If he is genuinely ill will his sperm quality be rubbish?
AIBU in how I feel or should I be more sympathetic? The IVF nurse said that I need DH to be at my beck and call, right now I feel like I’m his.

He has diabetes op. It's an autoimmune disease. Even when we'll controlled it will impact how often you get ill, how your body responds to it and the severity.

You're being unfair. Diabetes has so many side effects and co morbidities associated you can't just magic a wand up and fix it.

You sound a bit exhausting tbh.

Sounds like my husband, I had my 4th child by c section and came home after 2 days in hospital, he got the man flu from hell on the day I got home! He did do everything but it was with loads of moaning about how ill he was and making me feel bad for existing. It really ruined the 1st week of being home with my new baby

You said he was a “man baby” with “health issues”, implying they were fake. If he’s already diagnosed with diabetes and a lower immune system which means you catch viruses more easily is a consequence, what exactly do you think needs investigating?

Wow! It’s a shame that this ‘medical review’ that you speak of can’t be considered when the rest of the population decide to breed! People undertaking IVF already have to complete ‘Welfare of the Child’ forms and jump through other hoops. What else would you have us do?

You can’t even comprehend that he hasn’t been ill since March, I’m not sure you’re a person to take advice from!

OPs posts are contradictory.

A baby won’t adjust for her menstrual cycle though.

Am wondering how they’ll cope with a baby when OP is bed bound for 2 days a month and her diabetic husband also prone to sickness and taking to his bed.

I was initially going to comment this, with a baby you just have to get on with it, you can't be stuck in bed for 2 days, I've been really ill in the past and had to get up and care for my children because there isn't the option to stay in bed, so it makes me wonder how they will cope if this is a monthly occurrence

A cold wouidnt make sperm bad

they usually ask for a sample and freeze it incase on the day the man get nerves and can’t perform and fresh sperm

but does he actually want children as sound alike he is trying to get out of ivf to me. Sorry.

I’ve done 5 gruelling rounds of ivf with dh so your dh behaviours seems weird to me

I’m fully aware that it’s a stressful journey. Already. Without placing even more hoops to jump through. Couples embarking on IVF are already conscious of being in a good place health wise. What happens if they don’t ‘pass’ their medical review?

Gosh - were you told that by the clinic? That's so difficult to manage!

Anyone else heard that?

@Mulledjuice I was just as surprised - yes we were told by the consultant before we started the cycle and then again on the day of providing the sample the nurse asked my husband again to confirm he hadn’t had a fever in the past 3 months.

For us we got lucky that he hadn’t even though it was over winter but I was worried incase we had forgotten in that time.

OP how is his overall health and diet? If he's frequently unwell has he explored this with his GP, he could be lacking in something. It could also be lifestyle related, either way it needs to be explored.

How is he a man baby if he has a fever? Perhaps cancel the IVF, you're clearly not compatible...

You said ‘before embarking on IVF’. There are countless men worldwide who manage to conceive children with partners whilst far more unwell that OPs husband and are never told to review their heath before having unprotected sex. They have already waited 3 years for the opportunity. Also no, I actually don’t think being unwell once a month is more stressful than IVF.

Absolutely this.
Men like him make truly awful fathers and husbands.
They cannot cope with the baby being priority.

I'm so sorry, but not a chance I would be having a baby with a health obsessed hypochondriac.
Not a chance.
You will be parenting alone.

Actions not words are what count.

No never
and did 5 cycles