Starting IVF but DH is “ill”

[FTIVF25]

DH has form of being ill when I’m ill.
i know it sounds ridiculous. My cycle is really regular so by tracking my cycle I know when I’m about to come on, I suffer quite badly with pains so the day before and day 1, I’m bed bound. A few days before I’m about to start my period DH is also unwell, he seems to either have a headache, cold or just something, for the other remaining 3 out of the 4 weeks, he’s working, out playing football, golf etc
We have been on the NHS IVF waitlist for 3 years and this month is finally the time we will be actually starting treatment. DH hasn’t been “poorly” since March .. today he wakes up with scratchy throat, it’s so sore he throws up a few times. We’re due to start IVF in a few days and I’m supposed to be taking it easy, reducing stress etc but DH being ill is majorly stressing me out. I can’t even sympathise with him and if anything I feel a bit angry. Right now he is currently in bed and has been since our nurse consultation to confirm our treatment plan which was earlier this afternoon. I’m wondering whether to postpone treatment this month and start next month?
If he is genuinely ill will his sperm quality be rubbish?
AIBU in how I feel or should I be more sympathetic? The IVF nurse said that I need DH to be at my beck and call, right now I feel like I’m his.

but it is definitely a start of something because I’ve just checked in on him and he is sweating and super hot to touch so he is coming down with something.

So he is ill and has a fever.
You need to contact the IVF clinic and let them know. A fever WILL be impacting his sperm for a few weeks.

I feel, at least, in this occasion, you should give him some slack.
Id also do my best to avoid catching whatever he has tbh.

I think the OP is wandering if her dh doesn’t ’very conveniently’ fall ill when she needs support herself. Ie he can’t be there when she needs him.

So not a proper illness like it is this time. More of the ‘dressing gown of doom’ type where a slight sniffle is becoming a an end of life type of illness iyswim

Right now he is currently in bed and has been since our nurse consultation to confirm our treatment plan which was earlier this afternoon.

Sorry have I misread this? Or has your husband genuinely been in bed since early / mid afternoon (on a Tuesday) with a "scratchy throat"?!?!

I would seriously, seriously think about having a child with a man who can't even crack on and work / go about his daily business with a sore throat.

He's vomiting, and has a temperature. Exacerbated by diabetes. On the surface it's fairly clear that there's something actually wrong.

Go to the pharmacy and get some fexofenidine and tell Him to shower. It could be really bad Hayfever . Even the seating . People under estimate the impact . If he feels better then you know it’s that .

No advice on anything else.

So he is quite ill then clearly. so do help.

don’t cancel the IVF, but when he’s doing his other illness amdram ignore

If he hasn't been unwell since March, that doesn't tally with you saying he's ill every month. It's impossible to say what's best to do, it should probably have been discussed with your nurse at the consultantation. Maybe best ask her.

Hasn't. He hasn't been ill since March.

He hasn't been ill since March, as the OP says. Which rather contradicts her claim that he is ill every 28 days.

Anyway, your first point is one of the most cruel, disgusting comments I've ever read. You seem to be advocating eugenics, but in a way that suggests you haven't really thought about the consequences of what you're saying. Repulsive.

OP, you're going to lose every shred of sympathy with your DH once you've had a baby. Trust me, you really will. You won't have the time, patience or slightest bit of inclination to mop this bloke's feverish brow. Not one bit! I know you don't believe me now, but just wait and see. You will grow to resent him big time.

If he has type 1 diabetes it is an autoimmune disease, so illness will hit him harder.

Which is why I Akso said that ON THIS OCCASION he is clearly ill.

And he should contact the IVF clinic because a fever will impact sperm.

But as an overall feel, yep I think Thars how the OP thinks. Because he is always ill too when she is unwell.

does he really want to have a baby?

You’re going to be posting on here in 9 months or so, absolutely seething with resentment, while he’s lying up whining about his “bad back” or something.

That will be after he’s spent your whole pregnancy one upping every bout of nausea, every twinge, every bit of discomfort you go through, he’ll have it worse. He sounds like that type of fella.

Spoiler Alert: he’s going to be 10 times worse once the baby is actually here.

Do you actually genuinely think he’s good father material? Or is this a case of “now or never” so he’ll do?

Are you sure you want a baby with this man? I totally understand your anger, I would (and have) felt the same thing. Just brace yourself that this is just the beginning, wait until you're parents and he pulls this trick left right and centre. Set your boundaries now, or proceed with caution.

How does he just "sort out" diabetes?!

My husband is type 1 - yes sometimes it's annoying when it affects him in ways that impacts on us all but he can't help it!

HE. HAS. DIABETES. You can’t just magic it away! It’s not a made up illness.

Maybe. Not definitely, though - I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old, and I’ve not caught anything yet, touch wood! He’s had one stomach bug and two coughs ever.

Does he have covid? We’ve had a wave of it in my village and it’s gastric this time.

If he has type 1 then it doesn’t matter if it’s controlled, it still affects the function of your immune system

One piece of advice if things move forward. Make sure they have some frozen sperm ready in case he can't produce on the day!

Doesn't sound like I'd be bringing a baby into this , you sound resentful of your husband and I don't understand why you'd want a baby with someone you clearly resent to the point of being annoyed with him because he dares to be sick