Would you leave an almost 13 year old home alone… until 10pm?

[WizardofCoz]

Hi folks,
I always pay a babysitter (neighbour) to babysit for my almost 13 year old child.
A friend has offered me a ticket to an event I really want to go to - babysitter can’t do that eve, child is adamant they will be fine.
I’ll happily leave them alone for a few hours but has never been later than 8pm, would be home around 10pm for this one.
No other babysitter options & it’s a school night so no sleepover options.
We know all our neighbours & child feels very safe in our flat (v secure block)
WWYD?

I wouldn't.
Friends daughter was terrified when there was a power cut. She had also heard about local break ins. Was in a state when her Mum got back at 9pm .

Absolutely as long as the child is comfortable and you think they're ready.

We have a set of neighbors that we trade "on-call" stretches with for our pre-teens and teens at home alone. Can you check with one of the ones you know best and find out if they plan to be around that evening and would be ok with you making sure your DS has their number and knows to text/call if they need something and can't reach you? That way an adult would also know to account for him in the (extremely unlikely) scenario that there was something like a building fire alarm or power outage and he doesn't have to do any thinking about who he can/should contact if the need actually arises.

I think as long as she's happy to do it, that it's fine in your circumstances.

BUT as you are so conflicted are you even going to enjoy the concert?

would she be happy to go to one of the other neighbours?

Obviously depends on the maturity of the child but probably.
I leave my 10yo alone for an hour while I go to work at 9pm once a week. He's got a phone and everyone's numbers. He has keys and knows what to do in emergencies. He can be trusted not to do anything silly.. he's a sensible lad. He just sits in bed reading till my DH gets in. (I get him ready for bed and say goodnight before I go)
This was at his request as previously I had been taking him with me to work and he was taken home by DH. But it's a long pointless journey for him late in the evening so he asked if he could just stay home from now on.

I absolutely would. With some caveats, a) phone to contact you if there is anything bothering them, and be in touch b) good neighbours c) safe house - easy fire escapes and know what to do if they need to get out d) an absolute strict rule on no cooking, get them a takeaway in advance or other snacks so they can enjoy themselves without resorting to putting the chip pan on. e) don't stay out later than you have said you will be back, this causes anxiety even in the best of young people. Personally I would not let them have mates around, it is just twice the risk, you have someone else's child in your house un-supervised and they get up to stupid things when they are in cahoots too. I babysat from 13 / 14, sometimes for very young children and before the time of phones - it is a long time ago, and I was very responsible, my daughter has done it from 15, and I have always been local / at the end of a phone just in case. Leaving young people in the house is also not a time thing, they can do as much damage between 4pm and 8pm, as 6pm and 10pm, just prepare for what they will need and leave some guidance and all will be fine. Enjoy your night xx

Does SS have time to deal with a happy 12-13 yo being at home alone to 10pm?

I thought SS was loaded with heavy cases.

I was leaving my daughter alone at 11-13yo, she was happily playing xbox and i had camera too. But at 14 she got bored of xbox and had different ideas for a good time. She couldnt be left at home alone in the evenings as she would enjoy it too much, inviting people or going out.

Yes, I did occasionally when mine were that age. I had a friend around the corner for any emergencies and all really sensible kids. They had been coming home from school and home alone until 6pm from 11 so were fine at home. I’d just ensure back door is locked, know what to in an emergency.

I think 13 was the age I started leaving ds1 to watch ds2, who was 8 at the time, while I went to a regular group that was around 7-10pm once a week. We actually had a support worker at that point (due to DV issues with my ex) and they were absolutely fine with it when it came up, in fact they encouraged it as healthy for me to build friendships / a support network. So one sensible almost teen should be perfectly ok.

I would be fine leaving my child alone at that time, you live in a friendly neighbour with people who can support him in an emergency. I honestly think they'll enjoy being left alone at that time. My son loved it at 13, made him feel really trusted and responsible! I worked through Covid in the community as a carer and left him intermittent alone throughout the day to do care calls. I was in a similair set up to you and he loved it! I hope you have an amazing night!

They wouldn't show any interest unless there is a risk of significant harm .

I don't think she's saying she wouldn't do it because SS would be interested, she's saying she sees what happens to kids so she wouldn't. I'm married to a bobby, he is similarly risk averse as he sees/saw what happened to kids and he knows who is out there.

The law says they need to be mature enough which means able to look after themselves and deal with an emergency. Generally around age 12 but depends on the child - https://www.westyorkshire.police.uk/ask-the-police/question/Q454#:~:text=There%20is%20no%20minimum%20legal,including%20coping%20with%20an%20emergency.

NSPCC guidance - https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/home-alone/

So if your child is mature enough to cope and knows what to do in an emergency then legally its fine. But he needs to feel ok about it too. If thats all ok it should be fine. Be contactable at all times and check in every so often.

Hope that helps :)

That’s the problem right? You go from too young to too old immediately

There’s your answer.

I was looking after my 5yo brother until that time at night and it was fine. So I’d err on the side of letting them do it, personally. If they’re adamant that they’ll be fine then it’s a good opportunity to help them build resilience and self-reliance. Hope you have a good time!

I would, but I would let one of the neighbours know that DC was alone.

No. I'd never have left any of my 3 home alone at that age - and they are all pretty sensible!

Why would someone else want their child in a house unsupervised at 10pm if it wasn't necessary

This

No I wouldn't leave s 12 year old home alone all evening.

What are your concerns? What is holding you back? Might be good to start there.

Similar to pp I tend to be quite risk averse due to my role (not the same role) but I also believe in positive risk taking and managing both the risk and the thoughts around it.

FWIW I wouldn’t have left mine because at 12 they weren’t sensible, they wouldn’t have coped in an emergency, they would have panicked but as you can see on here, lots of 12 year olds cope well.

Yes as a one off I would. I’d make sure they had a phone and numbers for emergency

No, not at 12 until 10pm, for a social event we left our 13 year old DD last summer from 5-7 but beyond that asked my 18 year old DS to return home and he was in the rest of the night until we returned.

Yes absolutely as long as the child is capable and confident to be alone. My 13yr old DS will be alone on Monday night until 11pm or so as I am visiting my parents and DH has a work dinner.