Is this weird - helped a scared girl out on the school run and her mum didn’t give a shit

[BottomWibblyWob]

On the school run at pick up today, I noticed a car full of men as I passed a street near the school. It was parked right across a junction, and they stared my down as I passed with my 8yo son. I got a REALLY creepy feeling and felt very uncomfortable. One of them was waving an orange baseball cap out the window for no apparent reason in a strange way. Like waving it slowly for a few seconds, pulling it back in for a few seconds, then waving it again but fast, and doing that on a loop.

About a minute later I heard a scream and I turned round a little girl was running towards me asking me to help her. She said thought a man tried to kidnap her from the same car she just passed. The car had completely disappeared by this point. I didn’t press her too much for information, but she said they opened the car door when she approached, and only when she was walking past did a man get out the back door. She got a bad feeling so screamed and ran, and he got back in and they drove off.

I calmed her down, told her she did the right thing in running to me and that I’d get her to her mum. She is 10yo and goes to my DS’s school. she didn’t have credit on her phone so couldn’t ring her mum. I rang twice from my phone (no answer) texted her about the situation and started to walk her DD home. At no point did the mum reply or call back. I allowed the girl to connect to my hotspot so she could text her mum telling her what happened.

Anyway she lived quite a way away and so me and DS got to hers with her maybe 25 minutes later. When I told her mum what happened she rolled her eyes. The girl went inside the house, and she said to me she “makes things up a lot”. I said that there was a car with men and they gave me the creeps so whilst I didn’t necessarily think that they tried to abduct her I totally understand why she was scared. I also told her I tried to text and call her so she has my number if she wanted to report it to the police. She practically sneered and said “Right thanks” and the said bye and closed the door.That’s it. That was the interaction. This was at about 4pm and I’ve had no text or anything since. I rang the school about it, and also texted my police friend to ask if it would be of interest to them and he said yes definitely so I logged it with 101 online.

But AIBU to think the mum’s reaction to her DD being absolutely terrified was weird? Or are there really kids who make things up and I shouldn’t be so judgy?

It wasn't "in progress" though, they had sped off by then and the OP didn't have enough information to offer. Even with a 999 blue lights there'd have been nothing for the police to attend to, and there's no way they'd have been able to find that van, even if they got there 5 mins later.

Ahh the mum sounds awful. Maybe she was feeling guilty it happened and she was not reachable and channelled it towards you. Or maybe she's just a bit of a crap mum.

Anyway, well done OP. You did the right thing. There's no manual to how to handle these situations when they happen. It's very easy to think of alternatives afterwards but the main thing is you got the girl home safely. If that were my daughter I would have been panicking and very grateful someone looked after her. Luckily there's mums around! I always tell my DC that if for any reason they get lost or can't find me, go and find another mum because they usually help.

About a minute later I heard a scream and I turned round a little girl was running towards me asking me to help her.
How much more in progress do you want than OP hearing a scream? OP was right there with the action unfolding of a potential crime and a phone. Half an hour later dropping the girl plus however long chatting to her mate - then it became a 101 matter with the car long gone.

There are so many rumours and urban myths posted on FB, very few people would believe it.

Unfortunately, I'm not surprised. We moved from a sleepy estate of mostly retirees to a new build estate with lots of families and I'm constantly amazed at how little interest some of the parents have in their children. They just seem to turf them out in the morning and forget they exist.

There were 2 attempted kidnappings from a car last year and one of the men was seen walking round our estate watching children. It was posted ALL over Facebook and widely talked about, yet there were still children as young as 6 out unattended where their parents couldn't possibly have know what they were up to as they lived on a different street.

You did the right thing OP. It's better to be overcautious than regret doing nothing.

Well done for looking after her, sounds like it was just as well you were there because her mum clearly didn't give two hoots. Poor kid.

The car had sped off by then. What was I supposed to say to 999? It wasn’t an emergency, nothing was in progress - she could also have got it wrong.

Which mate??

Attempted abduction could mean the group would grab the next available child at a school up the road. At the point she screamed, it was a crime in progress, and police could look for the car. You don't have to argue nor even to believe me, just ask at your local police station if they agree with 999 for an attempted stranger abduction. It's not an issue because that didn't happen, just for future awareness.

Ok you can stop now.

Very weird reaction from the mother - not to mention ungrateful about all the time you took out of your day to get her DD home safe. I'm so pleased the girl felt she could come to you, and that you were able to keep her safe.

People can be strange though. A few months ago, DD2 and maybe 20 of her friends and acquaintances were having a party in a field that belongs to some of the parents'/ grandparents' farm. They are all 16/17. I sent DD2 with her phone, some food and a 4-pack of cider to share with her friends (I'm sure plenty of people will be along to say their kids won't touch a drop until they're 18, but I mean, come ON) and they were having a good time. DD2 and her friends are sensible and just not into drinking much, but one girl (not really a friend of DD2) brought along a bottle of vodka and necked most of it. She collapsed in the field, and not knowing what to do, DD2 and a friend did their best to rouse her, brought her back to our house as we are nearby, and stayed with her in the bathroom while she vomited in our loo and all over the floor. When she felt better, we cleaned up after her, found her a beanbag to chill out one, and covered her in a blanket (because she was sleepy and shivering in a little dress). At one point, the girls had called an ambulance for her, but once she was lucid and managing drinks of water, I cancelled it for them. I managed to get a number to call her parents to pick her up. In all, she was probably in my house for an hour or so, and apart from the vomit, she was no bother really. Anyway, both her mum and dad turned up, angry. They gave us the Spanish inquisition, demanded to know what 'we' had let her drink, and how she had got into that state. DD2 and her friend were reasonably sober and explained that the girl had brought along and chugged the vodka herself. If looks could kill! Her parents went on and on. They obviously thought my husband and I had forced it down her throat. It wasn't my party! It wasn't at my house; none of the other kids got paralytic, and their daughter isn't even friends with mine!! They had just acted to keep her as safe as they could, and I acted in loco parentis until we could get hold of them. No word of thanks, or sorry, or anything.

DD2's friend kept on apologising for bringing the drunk girl back to ours. I reiterated that this is ALWAYS a safe space for any friends, or friends of friends, and that she did the right thing - we were able to look after her, and nobody abandoned her on some random farm. I hope that her parents' reaction was just down to embarrassment about their child's out-of-control behaviour, or their ignorance of what she was getting up to. I have no idea though!

Yeah my mother used to say this about me because I’d been abused and she didn’t want to face it. Then had taxi driver funded by mental health services attempt shit and also a GP, it’s like once you become known as an easy victim in the system the peeves flock round. Every single thing I said then became a lie even the mundane non dramatic stuff.

I remember a few years after I told my mother the GP tried shit with me he was in the paper for abusing other girls and then my mother said oh we should go to the police and tell them your story as he did that to you too. Completely missing out she had punished me for “lying”.

as a young adult I was in group therapy with a girl who had been raped by the taxi driver who had taken her to therapy as a teen. Not when he was working he waited and did it when he was off shift. Then all the grooming gang stuff has been in the need and my area has not been mentioned so I personally would believe any girl who said people in cars were acting weird and they were scared even more so if they seem like the easy target that these men prefer as victims.

Was it very out of your way to walk her home? could she walk with you as far as is convenient for you in future?

About 30 years ago, a 6/7 year old boy ran past me (late 20 something woman) crying on a very busy road near to where I lived. I asked him what was wrong and his dad had dropped him at cubs, not got out the car but the door to the community centre was locked. He didn’t know where he lived so we started walking in the direction that he thought it was. About 2 miles later, in new shoes, after a long day at work, we found his very respectable house. Mum came to the door and eyed me very suspiciously when I explained what her husband had done. No thank you, nothing to her little boy, so cold! I still felt like I’d done something wrong years later but in that moment I did what I thought was right.

You’ve absolutely done the right thing, Even if the tiniest of chances that something horrific could have happened doesn’t bare thinking about.
so glad you were there for her.