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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell DH he smells?

70 replies

Sunflowers369 · 12/05/2025 08:00

DH smells and I don’t think I can cope with it much longer.
The issue appears to be from his breath but I’m not sure if it’s an oral hygiene problem causing it or a health problem, but it’s awful and getting worse.
The best way to describe it is it smell like sour milk, quite a strong unpleasant smell.
It’s affecting our intimacy and sex life because it’s so unpleasant, I have ASD/ADHD so I’m very sensitive to smells at the best of times, we rarely have sex now because the smell puts me off. In the mornings our bedroom smells really bad, I often have to open the window to get rid of the smell, our children have also commented on the bedroom smells too, eg on holiday when we’re sharing a hotel room.
DH has never visited the dentist in the time that I’ve known him, I think he has a fear but has never admitted it. He used to smoke and now vapes, I’m not sure if the nicotine could be causing this?
I don’t know how to address this with him without offending him, he clearly has no idea.
Any tips on how to approach this subject would be appreciated, I can’t cope with it much longer but he’s such a lovely guy I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but also concerned it could be a health problem that needs attention.

OP posts:

BlahBlahBittyBlah · 12/05/2025 08:02

I’d want to know if it were me. Say it like you have here, you don’t want to hurt his feelings but are concerned as to what might be causing it.

babystarsandmoon · 12/05/2025 08:04

He could have gum disease or another health issue so I would talk to him about it. Has he not noticed it?

Hoardasurass · 12/05/2025 08:04

If it's definitely not his teeth and/or gums it could be tonsil stones they stink so badly 🤢.
Smoking can cause gum disease though so he should really get checked out by a dentist 1st

Kettlemetal · 12/05/2025 08:08

Just tell him. It’s insane you wouldn’t have mentioned this to someone you are married to. DH and I would happily say oh your breath is stinky today maybe go and floss and then come back and check with each other that it had got better.

if you can’t rely on your partner to tell you something like this I don’t get it,

the not visiting the dentist is very worrying, he almost certainly has gum disease and cavities.

As an added note, sometimes really bad breath can be due to something more serious in the mouth or throat like an abscess or tumour so even more reason to get him to have a good brush, really good floss with the interdental brushes, brush his tongue and then if smell persists he has to go and see dentist asap.

Radiatorvalves · 12/05/2025 08:09

I’m just watching season 2 of Ted Lasso where this issue comes up. A little girl with really stinky breath. She’s taken to the dentist and problem is solved. You need to talk to him and get him to dentist. Perhaps a GP consultation might help if he won’t go to dentist?

Agix · 12/05/2025 08:11

He needs to see a dentist ASAP. As much as smoking kills, it masks/controls the symptoms of gum disease. It's not the nicotine, it's the other stuff. When you switch to vaping, the gum disease takes hold and runs wild. He really needs to see a dentist, it could be a mess in there and he could lose all his teeth.

AlteredStater · 12/05/2025 08:11

I'd be telling him because there might be a serious problem going on, if not an oral issue then a gut issue. Not telling him isn't helping him!

Anyotherdude · 12/05/2025 08:19

My DH smelt like sour milk (body) and we discovered from the doctor that he had a pretty bad thrush infection that was causing this.

It’s possible to have thrush in the mouth, so maybe a visit to the doctor would rule this out first, if he’s frightened to visit the dentist?

BunnyRuddington · 12/05/2025 08:21

I agree with just telling him. I would want to know too. In the meantime, can you sleep with an open window?

I’d also have a listen to this episode of What’s Uo Doc?, preferably when he’s in the sane room so he can hear it too

What's Up Docs? - How can I freshen my breath? - BBC Sounds

Drs Chris and Xand van Tulleken want to know what they can do about bad breath.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002bhx7?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

FeralWoman · 12/05/2025 08:50

Tell him. For this to have suddenly occurred when he previously didn’t smell bad suggests that he needs medical or dental treatment. It’s probably dental with him smoking and vaping. A check up and clean will pick up any issues.

LAMPS1 · 12/05/2025 08:50

Tell him today that you are going to book a dentist appointment for him as you have been noticing a bad breath smell in the mornings and you suspect that he needs to get checked out to rule out or fix any problems.
If his wife can’t tell him/help him, who can?

hotpotlover · 12/05/2025 09:00

I don't understand why you can't be open with your husband.

My husband had this problem and I always told him straight away. He was always grateful when I told him.

IcyAzureMoose · 12/05/2025 09:05

I can’t get passed how you can be married to someone and no be able to just freely tell them? You’re not being nasty, just factual.

Cuppachuchu · 12/05/2025 09:06

If you tell him straight that it is putting you off kissing him and being intimate it might motivate him more?

FeralWoman · 12/05/2025 09:13

Just to add that my DH developed awful smelling breath from tonsil stones. He tried mouthwash and salt water gargles but his breath was still gross. I couldn’t handle kissing him apart from a brief closed mouth peck on the lips while holding my breath. That was for months.

He felt bad and ashamed but I reassured him that I knew it wasn’t bad hygiene or anything that he could control. The tonsil stones were big, disgusting and frequent. He had his tonsils removed. It was the only way to stop the stink. It was a relief when we realised that his breath was back to normal after healing up and we could kiss properly for the first time in months.

If I’d just avoided kissing him or avoided face to face interactions with him it would have hurt him and damaged our relationship. By being honest about his breath we tried to work around it and he knew it wasn’t him that I was avoiding. It was his stinky tonsils and tonsil stones, and he knew that they smelt disgusting. He could taste them and didn’t blame me for avoiding them.

MrsPlantagenet · 12/05/2025 09:21

First stop is the dentist to rule out decay or gum disease. Then the GP if necessary.

I do find it odd that you’ve tiptoed around this. I would have said something the second I noticed. My husband the same.

PestoPasto · 12/05/2025 09:24

I couldn’t imagine having a relationship with my DH where I couldn’t tell him he was smelly. Just tell him. I’d much rather someone tell me than go about letting me stink. If you can smell it that means everyone else can.

DH had a tooth pulled last year and his breath got really smelly during the healing period and I was constantly telling him to go and rinse with salt.

Boredlass · 12/05/2025 09:25

Why would you not tell him? If my DH has bad breath, I tell him like I expect him to tell me.

Trundleloop · 12/05/2025 09:37

Infected wisdom teeth also absolutely stink. It’s foul and so so strong.

Catsandcannedbeans · 12/05/2025 09:50

I also have ASD so I feel you on the smell sensitivity! It can be debilitating at times.

You need to tell him. This could be a serious health issue. With me and DP, we are pretty open with saying if one of us stinks. When he’s come home from a big night out and he’s been eating kebab and drinking, he reeks the next day. As soon as I wake up I make him shower, I don’t care how hungover he is. I am also terrified of the dentist. My DP has to come with me and basically force me into the room, before him my flatmate used to have to take me. It really is a paralysing fear, but I go - because my fear of dental work needing to be done is worse than my fear of the dentists.

One thing that really helped me is when I left home and left my childhood dentist (who was amazing) I found a dentist who specialises in nervous patients. She is amazing! I’ve had the same one since I left for university (it is now a 40 min drive from where we live, but for me that’s better than changing). She’s so good I even managed to get my teeth whitened. I would never have thought I would willingly go to the dentist for something cosmetic.They also offer sedation for some things. I have never actually had to have dental work because my dental fear manifests by me being anal about my teeth (and everyone else in the houses), but knowing that’s an option genuinely helps me get through the door. These are just things that help me, but it might help him.

Please tell him. It could be a serious health issue, it could be an easy fix, but either way if you and the kids are noticing other people are… people at work. It’s better you tell him than his HR. On the plus side tho, at least you know he’s not cheating! No one wants to get with stinky breath!

UnbeatenMum · 12/05/2025 09:55

It could just be something like plaque which is easily fixed with a visit to the hygienist but he definitely needs to see a dentist.

Icanttakethisanymore · 12/05/2025 10:00

Wait, what? You are married to this guy and you have got to this stage without mentioning it to him?

JayJayj · 12/05/2025 17:54

I can’t understand why you haven’t mentioned anything before now! If my husbands breath smells I just tell him! If we were going to have sex I’ve said brush your teeth first!

It happens and surely you should be able to speak to each other.

BunnyRuddington · 12/05/2025 18:05

Sorry about the typos.

I’ve reread your post and I can understand that he's lovely and you don’t want to upset him, but tell him that. Tell him how lovely he is and that you don’t want to upset him but you’re worried that there’s an underlying problem and that you want to tell him to save the embarrassment of someone else telling him.

It’s difficult though isn’t it as if you have ADHD you might have RSD making you more sensitive which in turn might make you think that this will hurt him more than it actually will.

Judecb · 12/05/2025 18:08

What your describing could suggest an underlying health condition. Tactfully mention to him and suggest he sees his GP.

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