To tell DH he smells?

[Sunflowers369]

DH smells and I don’t think I can cope with it much longer.
The issue appears to be from his breath but I’m not sure if it’s an oral hygiene problem causing it or a health problem, but it’s awful and getting worse.
The best way to describe it is it smell like sour milk, quite a strong unpleasant smell.
It’s affecting our intimacy and sex life because it’s so unpleasant, I have ASD/ADHD so I’m very sensitive to smells at the best of times, we rarely have sex now because the smell puts me off. In the mornings our bedroom smells really bad, I often have to open the window to get rid of the smell, our children have also commented on the bedroom smells too, eg on holiday when we’re sharing a hotel room.
DH has never visited the dentist in the time that I’ve known him, I think he has a fear but has never admitted it. He used to smoke and now vapes, I’m not sure if the nicotine could be causing this?
I don’t know how to address this with him without offending him, he clearly has no idea.
Any tips on how to approach this subject would be appreciated, I can’t cope with it much longer but he’s such a lovely guy I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but also concerned it could be a health problem that needs attention.

I'm super surprised you haven't been able to tell him before now. The basis of any relationship is honestly It's ok to be brutal. Isn't that what marriage is about. Of you can't be honest to your husband then you don't have a real relationship

OP please encourage him to see the dentist, go as a family if needed and book him him. My mom had the same complaint about my dad years ago and nagged him until he went to the Dr. His foil breath was caused by a tumour that the dentist noticed straight away. It was really small and fortunately caught before it spread. This is your husband, you are concerned and need him to understand it could be an underlying condition

Does he shower daily? Use deodorant?
Does he clean his teeth twice a day?

You definitely need to say something. Good luck.

You would hope that two adults married to each other and who share children would be beyond that kind of childish exchange.
Fact is, everyone knows his breath stinks but him, it’s like watching someone walk out the door with their bum or genitals hanging out, but thinking “oh I don’t want to say anything as they’ll be embarrassed “!
They will be, but not as embarrassed as the whole street/their family and friends seeing/knowing that!

The idea that he should only go to the dentist if it doesn't smell bad after flossing is mind boggling. I can't see his gums being in a great state regardless of what is causing the smell. People lose teeth from gum disease and there is a point of no return. Not to mention the state of the said teeth. Yes, I hate going to the dentist so much I literally get dry mouthed but I go every six months because my fear of something quietly going very wrong is stronger.

I’m an ex smoker and I currently vape. Vaping causes a dry mouth and smoking can precipitate gum disease, so that’s my first thought
Tonsil stones smell like a sewer.
It could also be acid reflux/ heartburn
Obviously something isn’t right, so just tell him to book an appointment with dental hygienist.
You share bodily fluids, so I don’t really get why you’re hesitant.
i would be grateful if someone told me

YABU for not telling him!

It's the vape, they make your breath rank.

I suffer from reflux and this can taste like sour milk I wonder if it’s that

Just tell him his breath is rank and he needs to go to the dentist. Don’t be polite for his sake while suffering in silence. Why should you do that? He needs to get a clue. Don’t take no for an answer.

How has he not smelt himself?

@Fantailsflitting makes a good point. Tell him his teeth will fall out if he doesn’t go to the dentist. Hopefully vanity if not health, hygiene and consideration for you will make the difference.

All manner of things can go wrong in the mouth, from rotten teeth to gum disease, followed by the bone being destroyed and teeth falling out - and often no chance of false teeth of any kind if the bone has gone (as mine has - through bad luck rather than bad care). Plus at the end of 2023 at my usual check-up the dentist found mysterious white marks inside one cheek which turned out to be Stage 2 oral cancer. I spent the whole of 2024 having radiotherapy, unable to eat or drink normally, lost nearly 3 stones as well as being generally "ill". Fortunately I am now cured. Without the dentist I would never have known as I did not feel anything was amiss.

All and any of the above can cause bad breath as the fibres of the mouth disintegrate.

Send him to the dentist pronto.

@uncomfortablydumb60 I don't know how things are done in the UK. In my country though, a dental hygienist would refuse to see you before you had a recent check up with the dentist. (Obviously in the usual run of things their patients will have been seen very recently if they are on a six monthly check up rotation with the dentist.) They can check for pockets and clean up the teeth but they can't order x-rays or deal with cavities, cracked teeth etc.

He's your sexual partner, akin to the intimate version of a best friend. Stump up some courage and tell him about your concern. Ask him if he's noticed.

Nine times out of ten, if my own oral odour is "off" I know straight away.

He may already suspect that something is awry ... but, as you said he's such a good bloke, it's up to you to invest the time to say something and let him know.

He neees to go to the dentist and hygienist for his teeth cleaning , like yesterday
mad to think you can’t say this to your husband in a gentle way

He needs to see dentist, hygienist and quit vaping for starters.

Surely he’d rather take responsibility for his oral hygiene than lose the relationship, especially as you have DC?

And if you haven’t already, I would invest in some Critical Illness Cover and some life insurance for him as there is a definite link between gum disease and heart disease

I think the sour milk smell is more likely to be a reflux issue - that can be fixed with luck. OP hasn't come back but I hope has been emboldened by all the calls to act like an adult and tell her DH. I do tell my own DH if he has very stinky breath (or other parts if we're intimate) because it makes me not want to be intimate or close to him. He does look like a kicked puppy sometimes but honestly he needs to understand it comes from a place of love, not judgment. Men who look after themselves get more snuggles!

OP my OH walked in last night and had BO from digging, I told him, he got in the shower. Why are you worried about having this conversation? Is he abusive?