So am I the one in the wrong here?

[JustsamanthaJayne]

So my 19 year old every 2 weeks ends up with 6 black bags of rubbish and junk in her and her 18 year olds room. The 19 year old sits there all weekends and holidays does nothing and won't use that time to sort this rubbish out
I always have to collect all the rubbish and separate it outside in the recycling bins
And im sick of it
She leaves dirty plates up there and I've lost countless cutlery
I asked her to go out with her dad today with my other kids as I just wanted to be in this house alone and not have to worry about dealing with her she's refused to go
She will now sit there all day waiting for me to sort her rubbish
I got told to 'shut the fuck up'
She skips her college lessons to the point they cut her bursery ( meant for travel costs to college) I've been called into several meetings at college for failing exams and coursework
She says its all my fault for ' not giving her motivation'
At what point does it stop being my fault and it's her that's now in the wrong ?
The only day I'm absolute child free Is every other Sunday for 3 hours and she couldn't at least go

So my 19 year old every 2 weeks ends up with 6 black bags of rubbish and junk in her and her 18 year olds room.

Who is the 18 year old?

Is it time for her to go and live somewhere else?

Perhaps packing her stuff and putting them out on the doorstep with an instruction to go and live somewhere else might give her some motivation.

You're way over thinking this and making an issue out of something that really isn't an issue. No wonder your daughter is cheesed off and that's without even commenting on you trying to get her out of her own house today. Try and get some help for your own issues and I'm sure things around you will improve as a result.

So would you be happy with 5 bin bags with rotten food in their room stinking the house and flys circulating not a problem and over thinking? A 19 year old doing absolutely nothing sat lazy all day is overthinking

Shocking how you think this behaviour from a 19 year old is acceptable 😳

I'm not sure how the 18yo plays into this although I'd guess they are not thrilled to be sharing a room with a rude, lazy slob. Tell the 19yo that the house rules are that each person sorts their own rubbish, recycling, etc. and takes it outside. Stop doing this for her; she does it or she finds another place to live.

This should be easy to understand if the parents and the other children are already doing it. Of course it's her fault she skips class, is an arsehole to her family members, and keeps waste in her bedroom, but there should have been effective consequences for these things before she reached the age of 18.

I think the 19-year-old has found the thread!!😂

I'm very surprised that a college is contacting the parent of a 19 year old. I work in FE and we aren't permitted to contact the parents of adults unless there is a safeguarding concern or the student has given explicit permission.

If she is genuinely making six bin bags full of rubbish every 2 weeks that's very extreme. What the hell is in there? That's a huge volume.

She sounds very unhappy in YOUR home. So, she can find somewhere else to live. Month's notice and out. I hope she finds more happiness - elsewhere.

Are you the 19 year old or the 18 year old?

OP - belongings on the doorstep (in bin bags), change the locks, they are both old enough to leave home. Or if you aren't that extreme yet, set of houserules, followed to the letter, or (see previous sentence) and do it.

@JustsamanthaJayne maybe just me but i would take the all the bin bags and throw them in the skip! dont go through them because you will then find things that your daughter really needs. at least binning the bags might make her realise that she should be checking properly. as for the cheek and the college, sorry but she is on her own there. I dont understand why you have had to attend meetings at the college when she is an adult?

Ban food and drinks upstairs for a start.

How is it NOT an issue. What a bizarre response

I think it's time you sat down with her and established some ground rules. She sounds very unhappy but that's no reason to disrespect the family home

I’m confused as to who the 18 year old is, and why college is speaking to you about your adult daughter.

But regardless of that, time for some tough love. It sounds like she’s crying out for some boundaries!

“If I’m to shut the fuck up - you can pack the fuck up and ship the fuck out you skanky cow- your choice but you have an hour to think about it- brew?”

I'm confused, who is the 18 year old and what is their relationship to the 18 year old? Sibling? Partner?

I'm surprised the college have been asking you to attend meetings at her age. Does she have additional needs?

Those saying kick her out, would you honestly see your 19 year old homeless and living on the street? People talk a big game on here but it's hard to believe many would go through with it.

Do you have a DH/DP? If so can you talk to your DD together. If she's not going to attend college then she needs to get a job.

So when and why did this start happening? Because none of it sounds normal.
Skips college
failing course
Sits in room all day
Eats in room
leaves dirty dishes around room for days
generates weird amounts of "rubbish"

She didn't just wake up like this one day, she sounds like something is going on with her, has something bad happened at college? Is she maybe depressed?
Have you tried to talk to her about why this is happening? You sound very resentful, and I can see why, but nagging at her and telling her she has to go out of her own house so you can be on your own isn't helping.

Just chuck her out. I couldn’t be arsed with this at all. I’ve got an eighteen year old and a twenty one year old and if one of them told me to shut the fuck up id have their guts for garters.

Sorry just to solve the confusion the 18 year old is my other daughter who shares with my 19 year old daughter
The difference is my 19 year old is doing well in college has a job and does do some tidying the 19 year old does not

Her behaviour is terrible. She should get rid of her own rubbish (with the 18yo doing their fair share), she should do her own washingb up and she should stop swearing at you.

But I suspect that there is more to it than this. Why are you so eager to get her out of the house, and what does that have to do with anything. What is the quality of your relationship like more generally?

I have a 19yo and she wouldn't dream of behaving like this, but that's because we have a healthy, mutually respectful relationship. What's gone wrong between you and your dd that means you don't have that kind of relationship?

Also me and the 19 year old do have a rocky relationship (due to years of parental alienation from her dad) and he caused a lot of issues
Her dad hasn't been the best yet she treats him with so much care and respect but I don't get any!
She has a boyfriend ( who actually treats her well) and she will leave her room and house to meet up with hi

Wheres she getting the money from to accumulate all this rubbish?
And is she not leaving the house to buy it?

Well at 19 she is old enough to find her own place to live.

She’s an adult now. Clean up or ship out.