Dinner time issues

[KFN1987]

My step son is 10 years old. I have been living with him for two years now. We have an issue with dinner times. He eats certain foods that contain onions, for example sage and onion stuffing. When I make a dinner than contains onions, he sits there sifting through it and basically refuses to eat most of it. This will be various dinners, spaghetti, cottage pie, chilli, curry, ect. I have tried cutting the onions up really small but the outcome is the same. On some occasions he has just eaten his dinner which contained onions, but most of the time acts up about it. Sometimes when people are looking at him he will start gagging (seems pretend). There are other small children at the table and his eating sets a really bad example to them. No amount of reasoning seems to improve this situation. He received consequences but again this doesn’t make any difference. AIBU to increase consequences?

I think YABU. Sounds like he really dislikes onions! Just because everyone else likes onions doesn't mean he's unreasonable not to.

Of course he shouldn't be rude, but not wanting to eat onions isn't rude. It's not his fault he clearly really dislikes them.

My DD doesn’t like the texture of rice, DH doesn’t like mushrooms (there’s not really anything I won’t eat!) but as I do the majority of the cooking, I would prefer to make meals that we all will enjoy - so while I would’ve added mushrooms to many dishes before, I don’t now because of DH’s tastes, I also wouldn’t cook a meal with rice when DD is here because I know she doesn’t like the texture.

just because the majority enjoy, doesn’t mean everyone does - and if there’s 1 specific ingredient that you SS obvs doesn’t like, stop including it when he’s with you- simple, surely?

Your SS sounds exactly like me when I was younger. I loved the flavour of onion and adored battered onion rings but "bits" of onion in things like stews, spag bol etc would make me gag.

I'm ND but wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult. I'm mostly ok with onions in all forms now but occasionally get the ick if the texture is "wrong" for me.

Please don't punish your SS like this - he probably can't help it.

I wouldn't say everyone gets treated the same if you are frequently making food with an ingredient everyone else likes but you know he specifically dislikes. Think of it like mushrooms. If one person really didn't like mushrooms would you make mushroom dishes all the time? Surely you'd find a way to balance make stuff most people like most of the time - not just stuff everyone else likes but one person.

Grate it or blend it. Or use onion granules?

He is your SS so I am assuming he is with mum at least 50% of the time ??

can you not do the onion based dishes the day he isn’t there .

put a smaller pan without onions

put big pieces of onions so he can pick them out

blend it .

i find the words increasing the consequences concerning - what consequences are you giving him now ?

I would also say again if he is at his mum’s he also has different experiences of food there . So everyone isn’t the same .

i think it’s a very outdated concept to expect a child to eat everything on their plate

Make bigger onion bites and take his away. I'm sure that if it would have been your kid you would have already done this..

Not everyone is getting food that they like???

I agree with a PP - a little blender / mini food processor is your friend here - the type with a little pot and blades which chops to teeny tiny consistency. My dd would not eat onion if she could see it but I use on of these for onions, peppers, mushrooms etc and she eats it absolutely fine.

How would you feel if you were punished because you didn't want to eat something?
If he consistently picking the onions out then I doubt it is behavioural.
I have a friend who loves pizza and doesn't like cheese...

Blend the onions in a blender then add to your food. Doubt he will notice it.

My mum was like this with mushrooms. Bolognaise, lasagne, she would shove them in anything and then step dad would get violent if I didn't eat/was sick at the table. Good times...

Since you only mention one food (onions), maybe lay off them for household harmony? Would you be the same if he was ND/allergic? We cook 2-3 meals in our home, the kids eat mostly the same, but me and dp don't. We both work full time, it's not impossible to make sure everyone can eat something they like.

Stop weaponising food - he’s 10 years old. He’s told you he doesn’t like the onions in your cooking. Make him a separate portion without the onion or cook things that he does like. You are making out that he’s being manipulative but it sounds like he genuinely doesn’t like the onion cooked in your food. An onion ring covered in batter is a very different beast. I feel really sorry for him

He is 10
stop giving him food with onions in!!!

Grate the onions and the fusspot won’t notice. And cooking without onions is not really cooking- no curry, chilli etc is made without it.
I wouldn’t make life difficult by cooking various things for one fussy person.
you could even blend the onions too and he won’t notice.

Onions are the base of most foods so I wouldn’t leave that out, blend it and trust me he won’t notice. But I would definitely pull him up on his bad behaviour at the table.

We have rules that we choose what's for dinner, children choose whether to eat it or not. There's always one thing that we know the DCs like even if there's something new as well.
If he sometimes eats them and sometimes doesn't, I'd carry on as you are and ignore the behaviour.
If he never eats them, I'd either blend them down (might not be that he doesn't notice, might be a texture thing, you only get the taste that way) or cut them bigger and ignore when he picks them out.

Increase the consequences?
are you staging yourself as the wicked step mother?!!!

if your best mate hated dishes made with onions you would not keep serving them.

don’t treat a vulnerable child differently.

Don't be a bully over food.

You serve it, he either eats it or not. No comment. So long as he is is polite over it and doesn't make a show of gagging at the table, leave well alone.

If he's hungry later on, let him have toast or cereal or something bland.

OP, why are you so keen to force onions on him. A lot of people don’t like them. In most households they are not an everyday food.

What foods will he eat onion in? Trying to gain context.

Why don’t you blend it with a bit of water so it’s a paste and throw that in to whatever you’re cooking?

Onion granules?

You seem to be saying he doesn’t really dislike onions as he eats onion rings and sage and onion stuffing, so you shouldn’t have to adapt your cooking, but as other have said it’s really common to eat an ingredient cooked in one way and really dislike it another. Someone I work with loves tuna in a sandwich cold but retches at the idea of hot tuna in a toastie or in pasta bake. I hate the baby sweetcorn you get in stir fry but love corn on the cob and tinned sweetcorn. It doesn’t mean he is lying or that he is just being difficult.

I would like a quid for every child I have met who would not eat fresh tomato but loved tomato ketchup.
It could be a texture thing @KFN1987
My dd picked out onion. She also like onion rings. I bought her cheese and onion crisps.
Just cook with larger pieces of onion. Easy to pick out. Ignore it. You are giving it way more head space than you need to. Pick your battles. This isn't it.