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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dinner time issues

112 replies

KFN1987 · 10/05/2025 19:03

My step son is 10 years old. I have been living with him for two years now. We have an issue with dinner times. He eats certain foods that contain onions, for example sage and onion stuffing. When I make a dinner than contains onions, he sits there sifting through it and basically refuses to eat most of it. This will be various dinners, spaghetti, cottage pie, chilli, curry, ect. I have tried cutting the onions up really small but the outcome is the same. On some occasions he has just eaten his dinner which contained onions, but most of the time acts up about it. Sometimes when people are looking at him he will start gagging (seems pretend). There are other small children at the table and his eating sets a really bad example to them. No amount of reasoning seems to improve this situation. He received consequences but again this doesn’t make any difference. AIBU to increase consequences?

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 10/05/2025 19:19

I don't really understand what the problem is, if you think it's behavioural then just ignore him and leave him to pick at his dinner as long as he eats some of it.

ForOliveMember · 10/05/2025 19:21

"increase consequences"? Poor kid or just cook without onions.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 10/05/2025 19:22

KFN1987 · 10/05/2025 19:16

I have tried that. It’s not always onions, he will sometimes pick out tomatoes and peppers which I know he likes.

How convenient you add this now you're being told you're being unreasonable

HerfNerder · 10/05/2025 19:23

In that case, I'd tell him that politely leaving pieces he doesn't want to eat is okay, but loudly complaining or making a show of disgust is not. Reminders followed by punishment, and find something that he'll care about.

mondaytosunday · 10/05/2025 19:23

My stepson hated broccoli. He’d hide it under his pillow! I said to my DH why do you insist on giving it to him? There’s plenty of other veg.
Frankly there’s loads of things that don’t need onion.

EG94 · 10/05/2025 19:24

What does his dad say?

it does seem he doesn’t like onions in most forms and I would never force a kid to eat things they didn’t like.

I don’t however play the I like carrots on a Mondays but not a Wednesday game. He consistently seems to dislike onions

choices as I see them
you cook for everyone but your step son and his dad cooks for him
you cook for everyone and adapt to his dislike by making the same but without onions
you continue as you are and every meal time is miserable and you’re pissed off

Spendthrifting · 10/05/2025 19:24

I would give up cooking completely if someone told me I couldn’t use onions - they are the basis for almost every recipe (I make). I would just grate them. My eldest, who is autistic, hated onions for a few years - now he loves them. You just can’t cook (anything decent) without onions - they are a basic ingredient afaic.

TooGoodToGoto · 10/05/2025 19:24

Liquidise the onions, my son doesn’t like onions. It’s fine, no big deal.

Stripeyanddotty · 10/05/2025 19:25

How many meals does he have with you every week?

terracelane23 · 10/05/2025 19:26

My step son did this exact thing. We continued to cook the meals with onions and refused to do separate meals for him. We stopped making a fuss about it and he ate the meals with onions without a fuss. Worth a try.

tarheelbaby · 10/05/2025 19:26

Food management makes me sad and angry. No one tries to 'make' adults eat food they avoid.

I am iffy about onions too. Sometimes 'contains onions' means there's not much else ...

What do you say to DH when he doesn't eat his onions. Do you make him stay at the table, gagging, until he's finished them...

Ask your DH how/when/where he likes onions. Cook to his tastes. He's your DH, show him the affection of learning his likes/dislikes. There were things my DH didn't like. I didn't cook them for him.

Ask DHto discuss with SSon at a neutral time or manage that yourself. Find out how they like onions. Make a spreadsheet if necessary so you can cook how they like ...

OR
just let them pick out the onions when they want; cut them large to make this easier. Onions are cheap. A little can go a long way. And don't worry about 'setting an example for' the younger ones: they are busy eating your onions. Plus, if there are things they don't like, maybe you could accomodate that... Imagine ... food people want to eat rather than 'it's good for you' or 'I cooked it so you're eating it, you little ... '

I'm iffy about bell peppers too... I don't mind things cooked with them but eating actual peppers upsets my tummy. Will you make me eat them ...

PS what are you not cooking because YOU don't like/can't eat it ... maybe they can make up a whole menu (not) for you ...

Original poster
KFN1987 · 10/05/2025 19:26

Everyone else loves onions, including me. I use them in a lot of meals. Plus they have a lot of health benefits.

OP posts:
YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 10/05/2025 19:27

Must you cook something that contains onion at every meal? That's very weird.

If he eats onion rings, then it's even weirder, but kids can have weird dislikes. If it's just about onions, lighten up and stop putting onions everywhere.

Sofasloth · 10/05/2025 19:28

Use onion powder? Or shallots?

Are you also softening them enough? Crunchy onion bits are grim

Original poster
KFN1987 · 10/05/2025 19:28

I don’t use them in every meal 😁

OP posts:
YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 10/05/2025 19:29

Spendthrifting · 10/05/2025 19:24

I would give up cooking completely if someone told me I couldn’t use onions - they are the basis for almost every recipe (I make). I would just grate them. My eldest, who is autistic, hated onions for a few years - now he loves them. You just can’t cook (anything decent) without onions - they are a basic ingredient afaic.

of course you can cook without onions. They would go horrendously bad with a lot of dishes, and other things can equally be cooked with or without - I can't think of a better example, but while you can put onions in an omelette, there are so many omelette recipes without onions.

Original poster
KFN1987 · 10/05/2025 19:29

Yes I make sure them are really soft but this hasn’t helped.

OP posts:
YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 10/05/2025 19:30

KFN1987 · 10/05/2025 19:28

I don’t use them in every meal 😁

so he's being fussy once or twice a week. is it such a big deal?

Original poster
KFN1987 · 10/05/2025 19:30

It’s more than that

OP posts:
Dreichweather · 10/05/2025 19:31

KFN1987 · 10/05/2025 19:26

Everyone else loves onions, including me. I use them in a lot of meals. Plus they have a lot of health benefits.

This is like having a conversation with a brick wall. You have a two choices here

  1. continue as you are and have the same out come
  2. make his meals or all meals with out onions or offer him some thing different eg chicken sandwhich
Spendthrifting · 10/05/2025 19:35

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 10/05/2025 19:29

of course you can cook without onions. They would go horrendously bad with a lot of dishes, and other things can equally be cooked with or without - I can't think of a better example, but while you can put onions in an omelette, there are so many omelette recipes without onions.

Show quote history

You are quite right about onion omelette (yuck) -except for tortilla of course.
I don’t make omelettes often for a family of five- generally every meal would use onions somewhere.
I do cook my onions slowly usually, until they are v soft- crunchy onions would not work in most dishes - like lasagna or curry.

ProudAS · 10/05/2025 19:36

Sounds like me with eggs and it was the texture not the taste that was the issue. I could (and still can) eat omelettes and scrambled eggs so long as they are thoroughly beaten before cooking. In my case the retching and gagging was involuntary but I wouldn't have been averse to exaggerating it at the age of 10.

My issues turned out to be linked to autism (diagnosed when I was 30 years old).

Mummabear04 · 10/05/2025 19:36

Why don't you just blend the sauce? It takes 2 mins and then your issue is gone...

TooGoodToGoto · 10/05/2025 19:39

When you say increase consequences, for him picking onions out of his meal 🥘! What are you proposing?

BeachRide · 10/05/2025 19:41

My mother insisted that I 'cleared my plate' even when I knew certain foods like tomatoes and onions really disagreed with me. They still don't, 40 years later.