Dinner time issues

[KFN1987]

My step son is 10 years old. I have been living with him for two years now. We have an issue with dinner times. He eats certain foods that contain onions, for example sage and onion stuffing. When I make a dinner than contains onions, he sits there sifting through it and basically refuses to eat most of it. This will be various dinners, spaghetti, cottage pie, chilli, curry, ect. I have tried cutting the onions up really small but the outcome is the same. On some occasions he has just eaten his dinner which contained onions, but most of the time acts up about it. Sometimes when people are looking at him he will start gagging (seems pretend). There are other small children at the table and his eating sets a really bad example to them. No amount of reasoning seems to improve this situation. He received consequences but again this doesn’t make any difference. AIBU to increase consequences?

Blend the onion with food blender/ processor and so you will still have the flavour but he won’t be able to see the onion.

win win

Then you are very unreasonable.

If one of my kid doesn't like something - or when one of my kid doesn't like something-- I make it less often. Still expect them to eat what I make, and their taste change... but I wouldn't insist on making the majority of their meals when I know they don't eat it!

it's mean!

My mum always made risotto with peas which I hate, and would then get annoyed I picked them out.

I'd say either blend the sauce and say they're not in there, or put in bigger chunks so he can pick them out easier. Personally, I'm not a fan of chunks of veg in chilli or Bolognese or whatever so I blend everything. Get a small food processor, they're a godsend.

Don't rise to the bait. And don't punish him for it.

@Dreichweather or - options 3 or 4 as above.

Try onion powder. You get the taste of the onion without the sensation of it

@kfn1987 What foods do you dislike? Why doesn’t your partner take over the cooking and just make sure every meal includes your hated food throughout the main dish?

I'd just ignore it. He clearly either doesn't like onions in those foods or he is doing it to wind you up which is succeeding.

If you want to cook those foods with onions in it because the majority like onions, fine. I'd just let him pick it out and stop making a big deal about it.

You're very reluctant to listen to anyone who says you're being unreasonable.
He does not like onions, why try to force him to eat it?
Surely there's something that you can't stand? If everyone else liked it would that be ok for them to make you eat it?

Why should the child receive consequences because he doesn't like onions. Just don't put onion in his food, or take them out of his before serving

If I didn’t like something say for example tuna I would eat it certain things but not in others. I

Not the same at all.
My daughter ( she's an adult).. will eat tomatoe sauce on pizza/ pasta/ etc but won't eat a tomato.
I will eat banana toffee but won't eat a banana.
My Grandson will eat chicken nuggets but not roast chicken.
Don't be mean with him.

I hate mash potatoe but eat it on fish or shepherds pie, I know two others the same as me.

He doesn't like onions...and you know ways in which he doesn't like them, then don't serve them. I wouldn't serve it to my kid and I wonder whether you wouldn't either if it was actually your child and not a step son.

Everyone gets treated the same

Oh FFS, just leave out the onions.

So you force everyone to have meals with things they don’t like? Including yourself?

They like onions though. It's hardly fair to force him to eat onions just because everyone else likes them.

Once he reaches am age to decide he really won't make an effort to have any sort of relationship with you.. Consider how that will affect your marriage.
And the relationship between the siblings..

My mum used to blend up my spag bol for years because I didn't like 'big bits' . Can't you just blend after serving it unblended for everyone else? Or sub it for leeks / garlic? Or is it ready meals and that's why you're not engaging with alternatives?

Didn’t some famous intellect define an idiot as someone who keeps doing the exact same thing and expecting a different result. To be clear tbt this definition it’s you that’s the idiot not your SS. Stop putting onion in every meal and complaining when he picks it out! Either leave it out / use powdered or cut it big so he can pick it out.

on this I remember specifically picking out onion out of my mums bolognaise because it always felt too slimy. I’ve grown into a perfectly reasonable adult who eats almost everything. Just don’t turn it into a battle

It’s great that you are such an amazing person who can eat anything but some people do have issues around certain food or texture or both.
People give you lots of advices - depending on what’s going on you can: blend, cut bigger, let him be and, of course, exclude onion.
And don’t tell me that onion is necessary for survival as it’s so heathy. I eat it in very limited amounts. Most of the time I put spring onion in a stew and then throw it away. So far my family survived happily.

So no one gets tuna?

I have two ND children and I would LOVE it if they would just pick out the things they don't want to eat that day, and eat the rest.

You are being unreasonable. Why make a big deal out of this? Leave the onions big so whoever doesn't want them can pick them out, and try to vary the meals so everyone gets their favourite once a week or whatever is fair. Even if it's about control, you are giving him an audience by reacting, ignore it and he might try an onion one day.

You also wouldn't make it for dinner or add it to a meal would you

Are there things your own DC won't eat?

“The phrase "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" is often used to describe a form of insanity, and it's typically attributed to Albert Einstein. “