School dad

[Aworldofwonder]

Right I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.

DD is 7, in school with a small class. We have gotten to know all the parents fairly well including of one of her friends say Molly.

Molly's dad is very very handsome. This is just a fact, obvious to women and men. My own DH has also commented on it and He's also very charming. He talks fitness a lot to my DH.

A while ago he walked up behind me and complimented me on how I'm looking. It was quietly. He asked me if I've lost a lot of weight. I acknowledged that I had and said we are on a health kick at home and training for an event. He said he really likes to see people improve themselves. I was a little irked and thought mind your own business. I came home and mentioned it to DH later. He actually looked pleased.

Shortly afterwards he was walking by and trailed his hand on my bare shoulder saying ciao. I again mentioned it to DH who shrugged and said he's Italian, they are tactile.

At a kids' party last week he came to sit beside me on the couch. It was at a venue where you could leave them so I'd gone for a quick run. He asked me how it's going. Then he did something so subtle I feel silly explaining it; he had his arm resting on the couch and let his fingers trail the back of my neck and slightly lower just above my top. It was a bit longer than a brush of the skin, definitely not an accident. I turned around to say something and he sort of leaned in, smiled, trailed his fingers under my hair and then stood up and walked off. Before anyone jumps in asking why I didn't tellhin to FRO I was speechless.

It sounds like nothing I know. But it wasn't nothing.

And I'm furious. I'm furious because he's clearly so entitled, so used to women loving attention from him, so comfortable flirting in front of his wife, so subtle yet insidious. And I'm furious with my DH who obviously thinks it's ok because we'll I don't know, maybe because it's a compliment.

Anyway

Yabu : you're being ridiculous, just keep your distance and stop being a drama llama
Yanbu : fuck these men thinking they can act how they want

You can change your vote, just click the other option.

I think you should demonstrate on him what the creep did and ask if he thinks that’s acceptable. Would he do that to another woman? Pretty sure he will realise then.

@YourNumber I didn't know that, done, thank you!

if he ever does it again, why dont you say something loudly like -

"um did you just mean to touch me? 🤔"

make him embarrassed and put him on the spot!! we need to start shaming men like this more, otherwise they think they can get away with it. What a horrible creep. his poor wife dealing with a partner so touchy feely 😩

He’s a sexually harassing sleaze ball. Every time he does it say, loudly “Don’t touch me.”

My DH would go absolutely ballistic, I’d be quite shocked if he didn’t.

I wouldn’t say anything to DH again because he just won’t get it and will make you feel even worse.

Females have a gut feeling about these things because we’ve had to deal with it since little girls.

DH can never understand because to him his actions aren’t that bad but it’s the intent behind them that’s the issue.

The acts are so small that it would feel weird to just tell him to fuck off (and that’s why he is doing them in the way he his).

I would physically pull away from him quickly so it sends a clear message.

He sounds like a creep who is up himself which is the biggest turn off.

He has touched you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable. That is enough in itself. He does not have your consent to touch you at all, let alone lingering touches like this.
Tell your husband that you know the difference between an accidental touch and an inappropriate stroke on the back of the neck. Ditto a pat on the arm and a stroke of the arm, very, very different.
Women learn the signals of male intention from an early age.

Wtaf?!
Yeah, it’s lovely and flattering to be pawed at by random, entitled (or any!) men. We all love men touching us without consent, especially the gorgeous ones! And our partners are so proud that “we’ve still got it”, and will be strutting about all day pleased as punch that we’re so gorgeous that even strangers come up to us to touch us. Or stroke us. Play with our hair, or a hand on the knee. Or kiss us. Or sexually assault us. Or rape us. So. Fucking. Flattering.
You are part of the problem if you think this is something to be flattered by - either your own partner if (when) it happens to her and she comes rushing home, gushing about how it’s made her whole week that the office creep cornered her in the office kitchen to get close enough to tell her how amazing she smells and how the skirt she’s wearing really suits her curves, especially since she lost weight, and then slowly ran his hand over her arse.
And then, maybe, you can tell her how proud you are of her for looking so good that other men notice and want to be all over her, and if (when) she’s upset it’d make it so much better for her if you tell her you’re so happy to have a partner that so many other men want.
Back in the world of normal, fucking men (excuse my language but, misogynistic and damaging attitudes like this is why men continue to see nothing wrong with their own attitudes or behaviours and are utterly ignorant - or couldn’t give a shit - about not assaulting women, and that we should be flattered by it), any decent man will see that this is something that would upset their partners and wouldn’t be all puffed up and peacocked about it. And THAT is the point. No one is saying men need to go in all aggressive and jealous and acting like they own their women!! There’s a massive, massive range in between these two extremes! And a normal partner - women or men - will not behave in one of these two ways. Both are two sides of the exact same coin, the one used to fund mysogyny and abuse.

sorry, to others, this wasn’t meant to be so long (and there will be many typos, I’m sure!), but omg this is just really sickening. This, and the other “hey, male pov here, to save the day ladies👋🏻” are so completely blind and a perfect example of issues such as the one the op is experiencing, and she should be able to go to her husband and speak to him about what has happened, and make him see this is nothing to be proud of and in fact is upsetting and clearly deeply troubling her. And as her partner she should be able to expect understanding and someone that will be supportive in whatever way that looks like for this op.

Oh, and those suggesting she just say something like, “sorry, would you please stop doing that, I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable”, or any other take on the meek and mild little lady, no. Just no. You don’t need to be aggressive (I’d probably threaten to rip his balls off and send them in for the harvest festival collection at the school, but that’s just me), but also no need to be apologetic about it either. And why should she? She’d be within her rights to karate chop his arm off next time, tbh. And needs to be able to feel like she can have this conversation with her husband about this latest incident and he needs to understand that actually no, he shouldn’t be proud. Imagine if it was his daughter some creep was pawing at…

op, I hope you feel you can talk to him and get him to see this behaviour isn’t acceptable from men and his response isn’t right or normal either and that actually is quite upsetting (at least).

Also, @Tombone, why don’t you go and cuddle up next to a random man you don’t know, next time you’re out, and run your fingers through his hair and stroke his face and tell him and see how far you get…I’m sure he’d be appreciative of your attentions. A real man - none of this alpha bs - is one that knows uninvited and non consensual touching of ANYBODY is wrong.

And I do actually think that her husband needs to be made to understand exactly why this is wrong, rather than just letting it go. And if he still carries on with the same attitude then that’s a separate issue in itself!

Yuck. Definitely a sleaze who will overstep every boundary.

Sorry, can’t edit, but I meant to @Aworldofwonderin my replies there, about your husband. And you are not overreacting at all and don’t take any notice of those who say you are, or who are minimising this behaviour. It is most definitely not nothing! You should feel able to tell your husband, and to have him understand that none of it is ok. Not from him so far, and certainly not from school twat. I hope you are able to get the support you need and next time it happens that you are able to tell him to get his hands off you and to never touch you or go near you again. I know that’s easier said than done, so normal to freeze, but hopefully you’ll be less shocked by it if he’s stupid enough to try it again! At the very least just get up and walk away from him, without a word.

'Male POV : he's 100% trying it on'

Right

😂

Like the banging tits on keyboard thread of yore

I'm sorry ladies but if a man did this to me, I wouldn't be polite, I would step away from him, while at the same time saying loudly 'Get your hands off me you creep!' This will not only embarrass him, but will warn other women who are near by, what a sleaze bag he is.

Sounds like Russell Brand!

OP, I've had something nearly identical happen to me recently, including how DH reacted initially but after the second inappropriate interaction with him, unlike you I did speak again to DH - and I think you need to sit yours down and talk to him.
Mine explained that he too was very proud of the hard work I had put in {2 babies in 16mths!!} and just saw it as a compliment from randy andy and didn't get it that I found it intrusive but when I told him about, and how I felt about, him resting and then lightly pressing his hand into the small of my back before lightly and quickly trailing it around to my hip - yuck even typing that brings back the huge ICK I felt.
Like you I was caught off guard and he'd moved off before I could gather myself. I pointed out to DH that that area of my body was reserved for him and him only - that worked like a dream as he did get it then when he stopped to actually think about it, on top of my obvious upset.
His reaction then was to say he would be having it out with him next time he saw him but I asked him not to as he's the sort of arsehole who would take great delight in turning it around, I told him I would deal with it as I knew we would be at a social event that w/e, I also told my SIL about it all who said she had already heard stories of his wandering hands.

I was sitting on a high stool at the bar and I could see him approaching from behind as the back of the bar is mirrored. As he got closer I could see he intended coming right up behind me and knew exactly what he would do/try as I was wearing a backless top but just as he got near me I spun around and very loudly announced
"If you're coming any where near me, you better keep your hands to yourself this time, cause if you grope me like you did at the club last time I will fucking plant you where you stand" - cue SIL announcing
"Ah jaysus you still at that randy andy?" - not his real name obviously but forever known as that going forward😁

It stopped him in his tracks and after some cursing and muttering out of him he stormed off.

I wouldn't put yourself in the position of avoiding him - that's taking up way to much headspace for you and you shouldn't have to do that, he's 100% in the wrong so it's not up to you to change how you live your life, that's on him. Let him get close and then shut him down before he gets too close.

Tell him if he touches you again you’ll have his bollocks for earrings.

What has looks good to do with this?

I've had similar. Things so subtle that you think you are imagining it, or you'd sound mad if you tried to explain it or you would look like a maniac if you reacted. After one too many of these incidents (he went to brush hair from my face and tuck behind my ear - again) I did a big, very quick, air chomp towards his hand when his hand was near my face (sort of as if I was going to bite his hand like a mad dog) and he whipped his hand away pretty sharpish! Did not repeat.

Don’t touch me, it makes me feel uncomfortable! Don’t add the please, it’s not a question and you’re not giving him a choice. You’re stating what you want him to stop doing and why. State it firmly.

If he’s decent, he will apologise and never touch you again.

When I was a teen and was touched my a man but didn't feel confident explicitly rejecting them (due to being young and shy), I used to burp or fart loudly in their company. Always worked 😁

I bet he wouldnt say that and be horrified at thd thought of a another man doing that. I know my husband even though he woukd have reacted like yours at the beginning.

If you feel strong enough to do it, i dont think you should avoid him. I think you should call him out on his bahviour. Entrust the help of a friend to be in the vicinity and have your back.

But i get that it would a hard thing to do.

That’s awful, what a disgusting prick.
there are a couple of very handsome dads at my boys primary, but I can’t ever picture them behaving so awfully.