To forgive DP for the unforgivable.

[TwinklyAmberSquid]

DP lied about finances, job status, entire scenarios... the lot. I have a good amount of self esteem...but for some reason I didn't leave, we worked through it and we are now past it. Genuinely.

I confided in a friend about what happened (we are 2 years past it now) and she looked at me like I had two heads and unleashed a lot of "I'd leave...I'd never put up with that...Are you sure..."

I told her I trusted my instincts when they told me something was up, and I trusted my instincts when they told me he's changed.

What's the biggest thing you've forgiven DP for? What was the outcome?

My husband grew up lying to protect himself from his parents.Silly lies ,lies like lying he did do his homework or was where he said he was turned into lying about taking the bins out. Turned into lying about money and hiding parts of himself.

I haven't forgiven or forgot but I can move on and start something new because everyday he shows me in multiple ways how he has changed and how he is committed to being a different person. Things like (in the early days) immediately correcting himself if he had done a "automatic" lie. He realises the impact it has on trust now and is committed to radical honesty. He has therapy is part of men's groups he will read and listen to podcasts/books. He has owned his faults and holds himself accountable. He now helps others too and will pull other men up. Lives a life of complete transparency of which he is happy to and proud to. It's been his choice.

I've not had to do anything but observe him. That's how it should be. It wouldn't be enough for me however for someone to just give me lip service and say they won't do something again. Change takes effort.

I wouldn't take much notice of what a friend thought unless I felt like they really understood the situation and how I felt. No one really knows what it's like on the inside of a relationship.

I would absolutely leave if he was to start lying again.

I can forgive mistakes. Of course, when someone doesn't know a thing then it's a lesson learned and move on. But lying is different, it's done with the knowledge of knowing the act is wrong. For that reason, I wouldn't forgive lying because I would never be able to let that guard down fully again and trust 100%. If I can't trust my DH 100%, then he can't be my DH.

You've said you're confident in the decisions you've made. Why cast your decisions into doubt now, by over- analysing them on here.

youve said the worst part is over, so let it go and move forward.

and don't confide about important things to do with your marriage with other people. Raking over things, getting lots of conflicting advice when your mind is made up is the enemy of peace of mind.

I was delusional. I pretended to myself to trust him and these posts made me realise that. After some digging everything blew up again and he's left. He seemed relieved. I obviously posted this for a reason. Thanks for everyone who called me out.

I feel your pain. ☹️

Try to consider this in a positive light. It’s better to find out the truth now than 10 years down the line with financial webs and children in the mix.
Onwards and upwards. 🥰

Yikes. At least you know now. Good luck moving forward. You deserve more than a liar.

When you say your husband has left, presumably he can't just waltz off and leave you with no sense of responsibility for whatever the latest issue is. Don't let him off the hook, not if there's debt that could be partly owned by you if you're legally married, a liar like that could have had the debt placed in your name, stranger things have happened. Check it out and don't let him deflect blame.

all the best however you move things forward

Stick with this mentality @Exasperated24