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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should my boyfriend help out when he stays over

89 replies

Saira90 · 08/05/2025 06:59

My boyfriend stays at mine 2/3 nights a week usually. I cook and we often get a takeaway on a weekend. I’m starting to get annoyed that he never offers to wash up even when it’s the takeaway night.

I think last night has been the final straw, he came round but we agreed he wouldn’t stay over as he is up really early for work today. I cooked, and he basically said ‘you sort that (washing up) out and I’ll be waiting for you in there (bedroom)’.

When I walked in he was led naked playing with himself. We would usually be intimate after dinner but this was so off putting.

Does this improve with some stern words in your experience?

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 08/05/2025 10:22

You need to decide if this is what you want for yourself? He's looking for a Bed Breakfast and Evening Meal service with a shag thrown in a couple of times a week. If that sounds like you then carry on as you are, but prepare for things to get worse as time goes on. This is as good as he's got. Don't waste your breath trying to explain, or cajole him into doing better, he won't. All he will do is steal your time and your energy and your self esteem. Don't let him.

Dweetfidilove · 08/05/2025 10:23

BunsenBurnerBaby · 08/05/2025 07:02

How old are you both? Would be much clearer in my expectations: I cook, you wash up. If he’s 17 give him a chance to shape up (but only one). Otherwise throw him back. This is not a good one.

This is the shit that makes people grow up useless.

My daughter's friends help her cook, wash up amd straighten my living room when they visit. They're 15/16.

Dweetfidilove · 08/05/2025 10:27

@Saira90 , he's comfortable now. This is where you get a real glimpse into your future.
Take heed woman - your job is to keep him tummy full, the house clean and his sack empty.

Grim!

wibdib · 08/05/2025 10:31

Argh. Have just lost a long post.

in essence - I get why they might want the whole family together, especially if it means they get photo op and memories of golden brother and golden chanced together.

could you invite brother - solo - for the last couple of days of the holiday. Then you get your room to yourself for most of the time during the week and you only have to deal with bro for a short time. Say you’d just like to see him on his own for a change as you haven’t seen him for so long and if he says anything about sis having her boyfriend there, just reply that it’s different as you know him much better/he makes an effort to join in/be nice to everyone/or whatever convenient excuse would work.

have you spoken to your sister about brother wanting to come - what does she think? Any way she can help manipulate/explain things to your parents to get your desired result?

Shadowsunray · 08/05/2025 10:34

wibdib · 08/05/2025 10:31

Argh. Have just lost a long post.

in essence - I get why they might want the whole family together, especially if it means they get photo op and memories of golden brother and golden chanced together.

could you invite brother - solo - for the last couple of days of the holiday. Then you get your room to yourself for most of the time during the week and you only have to deal with bro for a short time. Say you’d just like to see him on his own for a change as you haven’t seen him for so long and if he says anything about sis having her boyfriend there, just reply that it’s different as you know him much better/he makes an effort to join in/be nice to everyone/or whatever convenient excuse would work.

have you spoken to your sister about brother wanting to come - what does she think? Any way she can help manipulate/explain things to your parents to get your desired result?

JTLYK you replied to the wrong thread.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 08/05/2025 10:37

Dweetfidilove · 08/05/2025 10:27

@Saira90 , he's comfortable now. This is where you get a real glimpse into your future.
Take heed woman - your job is to keep him tummy full, the house clean and his sack empty.

Grim!

Full on Peaky Blinders mantra. A hundred years out of date!

Gundogday · 08/05/2025 10:40

Yes. He’s staying with you half the week, so definitely should be helping with washing up. Maybe not cleaning etc but definitely co tributingvto meals.

rumred · 08/05/2025 10:41

It's not 'helping' it's being a responsible, decent adult. He obviously isn't.

Zucker · 08/05/2025 10:54

I cooked, and he basically said ‘you sort that (washing up) out and I’ll be waiting for you in there (bedroom)’.

God with an offer like that how could a girl refuse. The only thing missing from this exchange was him throwing a £20 your way and telling you to treat yourself ffs.
Jesus it's grim the amount of man-children that get to hook up with women who could do so much better than settling for this shite.

Totallytoti · 08/05/2025 11:08

Saira90 · 08/05/2025 07:33

Thanks for the honesty, I know deep down it’s not right..

I just felt so dirty, as soon as I’d ‘seen’ to him he leapt up and said he had to leave as it was getting late. I wasn’t in the mood for anything but didn’t even get a cuddle 😞

Raise your standards. He’s used you for food and sex so blatantly. You are allowing this.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/05/2025 12:59

Dweetfidilove · 08/05/2025 10:27

@Saira90 , he's comfortable now. This is where you get a real glimpse into your future.
Take heed woman - your job is to keep him tummy full, the house clean and his sack empty.

Grim!

Exactly. Grim. My friend said something last week, which was great. Ladies come first, always. Hadn’t heard that before. This Neanderthal hasn’t even learned the concept.

Jessy78 · 08/05/2025 13:21

Eewwwww!!!

You do the woman’s work & I’ll be mastrubating in the bedroom waiting for sex when you’ve done in the kitchen.

Ewww ewww ewww ewww ewww!!!! 🤢

TreeDudette · 08/05/2025 13:27

He is enjoying have a maid and sex-bot and is no longer making any effort to keep you. No, I don't think it gets better. He is a lazy git and you let him get away with it. If he'd told me to wash up whilst he headed for the bathroom I'd have laughed and tolk him he must be bloody kidding! I certainly wouldn't have serviced him after that.

If you must try and keep him then you need to have some incredibly stern words but he'll just try and turn it round on you and you'll be back asking if YABU. Probably better just to kick him to the curb.

Dweetfidilove · 09/05/2025 08:43

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/05/2025 12:59

Exactly. Grim. My friend said something last week, which was great. Ladies come first, always. Hadn’t heard that before. This Neanderthal hasn’t even learned the concept.

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Too selfish. The OP's needs won't even get a feature ☹️

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