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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should my boyfriend help out when he stays over

89 replies

Saira90 · 08/05/2025 06:59

My boyfriend stays at mine 2/3 nights a week usually. I cook and we often get a takeaway on a weekend. I’m starting to get annoyed that he never offers to wash up even when it’s the takeaway night.

I think last night has been the final straw, he came round but we agreed he wouldn’t stay over as he is up really early for work today. I cooked, and he basically said ‘you sort that (washing up) out and I’ll be waiting for you in there (bedroom)’.

When I walked in he was led naked playing with himself. We would usually be intimate after dinner but this was so off putting.

Does this improve with some stern words in your experience?

OP posts:
LoudSnoringDog · 08/05/2025 08:09

What a selfish prick

NeuroSpicyMumof3 · 08/05/2025 08:15

Oh love, he is showing you who he is. A lot of us have been there, and it usually doesn't get better. Leave him and find someone who wants a mutually respectful relationship. Will it hurt at first? Probably - break ups always do but I promise you will be happier in the long run x

YourWildAmberSloth · 08/05/2025 08:32

You are the one that needs the stern words. You are not in a relationship, this is a booty call (haven't used that phrase for ages). Basically he comes around for food and sex. Forking out for a takeaway once a week for him is a small price to pay. Do you ever actually go out, on dates, do things which don't involve you paying, cooking, cleaning up or 'seeing to him'? Try suggesting dating for a while, and take sex off the table and see how he reacts.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 08/05/2025 08:33

Saira90 · 08/05/2025 07:33

Thanks for the honesty, I know deep down it’s not right..

I just felt so dirty, as soon as I’d ‘seen’ to him he leapt up and said he had to leave as it was getting late. I wasn’t in the mood for anything but didn’t even get a cuddle 😞

Yeah … sorry, OP, but the combination of this post and your first one gives a pretty clear picture of exactly how he sees you and how he makes you feel, and it’s not great, is it?

You deserve better, get rid.

Couldyounot · 08/05/2025 08:36

In the most literal sense: what a wanker. Bin him.

HappyintheHills · 08/05/2025 08:38

Saira90 · 08/05/2025 07:33

Thanks for the honesty, I know deep down it’s not right..

I just felt so dirty, as soon as I’d ‘seen’ to him he leapt up and said he had to leave as it was getting late. I wasn’t in the mood for anything but didn’t even get a cuddle 😞

You saw to him - did he see to you?

KatyKopykat · 08/05/2025 08:40

He's terrible. Stop indulging this lazy immature man child.

IDontLikePinaColadas · 08/05/2025 08:52

This is unbelievably disrespectful imo - “me alpha male, you cook and shag”. I wouldn’t give him a single more second of my precious time if I were you OP.

2catsandhappy · 08/05/2025 09:25

He is a knob.
Text him, 'You don't meet my minimum standard for an adult male. Wishing you all the best. No need to reply.'
and block.
No need to hear any, '...but I thought you liked washing up' crap.
I am sure alot of us have had a 'what the hell was that' moment.
Chalk it up to experience and have better rules about equality in the future.

S0j0urn4r · 08/05/2025 09:32

Send him back to mummy.

KimberleyClark · 08/05/2025 09:34

You should have said “sorry, I find men who won’t help with the washing up a total turn off”.

Original poster
Saira90 · 08/05/2025 09:37

HappyintheHills · 08/05/2025 08:38

You saw to him - did he see to you?

Show quote history

No but I wasn’t in the mood to be honest.

To those asking about date nights etc, we did have quite a lot at the start but not really recently, it’s all become a bit too comfortable I think

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 08/05/2025 09:42

Oh dear. Another man-child who thinks the world revolves around his needs and has zero insight into the world of adulting. I expect his mother washes his pants too.

Scousemousey · 08/05/2025 09:42

LTB. This is so depressing to read.
No dates?
Letting you cook and then wash up,? waiting naked to be "seen to"?
Please raise your standards.
Today.

HappyintheHills · 08/05/2025 09:50

Far too comfortable for him.

it says a lot about him that he thinks any of this is acceptable.

Throw him back, he’s not fixable.

HappyintheHills · 08/05/2025 09:52

You need some space to work on yourself.

Learn to say no when you aren’t in the mood.

MounjaroMounjaro · 08/05/2025 09:57

I cooked, and he basically said ‘you sort that (washing up) out and I’ll be waiting for you in there (bedroom)’.

WTF? Come on, OP, you should have stopped him in his tracks right there! And then he cleared off immediately afterwards - ugh what a prince he is.

BiscuitWrappedingoldfoil · 08/05/2025 10:02

You are unhappy

Life is too short to be unhappy

End this & spend some time on yourself

You do not need a man

In the future, find a real man who loves & respects you

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 08/05/2025 10:09

Showing himself to be a wanker in every way

DahliaBlooming · 08/05/2025 10:11

Ewwww... No, no, no and nope.

Arancia · 08/05/2025 10:11

Saira90 · 08/05/2025 06:59

My boyfriend stays at mine 2/3 nights a week usually. I cook and we often get a takeaway on a weekend. I’m starting to get annoyed that he never offers to wash up even when it’s the takeaway night.

I think last night has been the final straw, he came round but we agreed he wouldn’t stay over as he is up really early for work today. I cooked, and he basically said ‘you sort that (washing up) out and I’ll be waiting for you in there (bedroom)’.

When I walked in he was led naked playing with himself. We would usually be intimate after dinner but this was so off putting.

Does this improve with some stern words in your experience?

Eew. You need to worry about this one beyond his lack of help when he visits you. Do you plan on having a serious, long-term future with him? If so, you must know that this disgustingness an laziness will just be the start.

Shadowsunray · 08/05/2025 10:19

Seriously unappealing. It shows you what he thinks of you, "do the chores and then come service me in the bedroom". I would consider throwing this one back, seems like his view of women is that they are there to serve him.

TheHerboriste · 08/05/2025 10:19

Grim.

pinkyredrose · 08/05/2025 10:20

Saira90 · 08/05/2025 07:33

Thanks for the honesty, I know deep down it’s not right..

I just felt so dirty, as soon as I’d ‘seen’ to him he leapt up and said he had to leave as it was getting late. I wasn’t in the mood for anything but didn’t even get a cuddle 😞

Oh that is grim. How long have you been seeing him and how old is he?

Shadowsunray · 08/05/2025 10:21

Saira90 · 08/05/2025 07:33

Thanks for the honesty, I know deep down it’s not right..

I just felt so dirty, as soon as I’d ‘seen’ to him he leapt up and said he had to leave as it was getting late. I wasn’t in the mood for anything but didn’t even get a cuddle 😞

Come on OP. You deserve much better than this, he sounds foul. Stop wasting your time with this piece of trash.

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