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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get into partners car after “2 pints”

54 replies

aibuagain · 07/05/2025 18:15

My partner regularly goes for pints after work which annoys me but I don’t voice it as I don’t want to come across as controlling, we have a 1 year old together and I often think why wouldn’t he rather come straight home to us as when I finish work I’m running to see my baby

he gets so angry and annoyed at me when he comes home from the pub and we were due to go somewhere in the car but I then refuse because he’s had a drink. I can’t drive so he does all the driving.

I feel uncomfortable getting into the car with someone that’s had a drink within the limit or not, also I’ve caught him out numerous times having more than the 2 drinks he’s said so I don’t know how much he’s really having.

am I being dramatic?

OP posts:
Original poster
aibuagain · 07/05/2025 18:17

He makes me feel like I’m insane for not wanting to be his passenger along with our baby after he’s drunk

OP posts:
Evaka · 07/05/2025 18:17

He's breaking the law. You're absolutely right not to get in a car with someone over the legal limit.

Can you prioritise learning to drive? You're in a risky position relying on someone who thinks it's fine to drink and drive:(

S0j0urn4r · 07/05/2025 18:17

I wouldn't get in the car. I def wouldn't put a kid in the car if he's been drinking.
You need to learn to drive, though.

Original poster
aibuagain · 07/05/2025 18:18

yes I’m currently waiting on my provisional licence in the post to start learning. Does anyone know the legal limit? He swears blind 2 pints is okay

OP posts:
Octonaut4Life · 07/05/2025 18:19

Of course you're not being unreasonable, don't let this man gaslight you into putting yourself and your child in danger.

Lottapianos · 07/05/2025 18:20

Drinking and driving is serious stuff. I definitely wouldn't consider driving after 2 pints. No you're not being unreasonable about not getting in the car with him after he's been drinking. Sounds like you've got other issues with your relationship, and I would definitely recommend learning to drive

BasilParsley · 07/05/2025 18:20

You can buy breathalyser kits online - I would buy a few and make sure he blows into one before you get in the car with him...

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/05/2025 18:21

aibuagain · 07/05/2025 18:17

He makes me feel like I’m insane for not wanting to be his passenger along with our baby after he’s drunk

You're not, he's breaking the law. My ex did this and our mediator gave him short shrift when I brought it up. Keep your boundary and ignore it his reactions. Record them if you can in case you split you'll need evidence

Chungai · 07/05/2025 18:21

YANBU at all. He could lose his licence, his job, or end up in prison and then where would you be as a family? Moreover he could kill someone and destroy more lives than just your own family's.

He's being stupid and irresponsible as well as breaking the law. I'm surprised you haven't said anything tbh. If he was stealing or taking drugs before coming home would you have a problem?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/05/2025 18:21

Learn to drive though

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/05/2025 18:21

aibuagain · 07/05/2025 18:18

yes I’m currently waiting on my provisional licence in the post to start learning. Does anyone know the legal limit? He swears blind 2 pints is okay

But an in car breathalyzer to reassure you both and stop the arguments

TheMimsy · 07/05/2025 18:21

@aibuagain but realistically it won’t always be just 2 pints will it. Thats just what he’s telling you.

and if you were out working and he had your child - would he be happy if you regularly went off to socialise after work with friends before coming home? He has a family now - is this his normal ‘lad’ behaviour?

ugh.

Augustus40 · 07/05/2025 18:22

It is potentially over the limit according to online. Depends on weight and metabolism as to whether it is or not.

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/05/2025 18:22

aibuagain · 07/05/2025 18:18

yes I’m currently waiting on my provisional licence in the post to start learning. Does anyone know the legal limit? He swears blind 2 pints is okay

No alcoholic drink is okay.

HollaHolla · 07/05/2025 18:23

If you're in Scotland, I'd say he's definitely over the limit.
Can you just get a cab/Uber if you need to go out? Definitely learn to drive. Don't put yourself/your child in danger.

Merryoldgoat · 07/05/2025 18:24

What are you getting out of this?

A man who resents spending time with you and would put lives in danger driving over the limit.

How is this a healthy relationship?

ExtraOnions · 07/05/2025 18:24

2 pints of what ? There are such variances in alcohol levels. I won’t have a single drink, then drive .. it’s one or the other.

HollaHolla · 07/05/2025 18:25

PS - I might sound extreme, but I've had two family/friends killed by drink drivers. I just wouldn't risk it, and I wouldn't ever have a drink, or be the passenger in a car where the person has been drinking.
No alcohol is best.

Cyclebabble · 07/05/2025 18:25

Two pints u may br over the limit. Three would certainly be so. Note there are lower limits in Scotland. I would not get into the car with hm.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 07/05/2025 18:25

The only safe amount to drink before driving is zero. There are so many alcohol free alternatives these days there is no reason to drink and drive.

You're not being dramatic, protecting yourself and your baby is priority number one..

Also, it's not controlling to not want your partner to go to the pub every single day after work..

HoskinsChoice · 07/05/2025 18:26

aibuagain · 07/05/2025 18:18

yes I’m currently waiting on my provisional licence in the post to start learning. Does anyone know the legal limit? He swears blind 2 pints is okay

He is probably right from a legal standpoint. It depends on the strength of the beer and his own body/metabolism but most men would pass a breath test on 2 pints. But, and it's a big but, it is still a risk, even though it's probably legal, it does still impact his driving, particularly his reactions. Also is it definitely 'just 2'...?

As others have said, get your act in gear and learn to drive ASAP.

Evaka · 07/05/2025 18:28

Are you in Ireland OP? Think you are based on how you're describing things. If so, 2 pints of beer is waaayyy over the limit and he's mad if he doesn't know that.

Zanatdy · 07/05/2025 18:30

I couldn’t drive safely after 2 pints. Many people have 2 pints as a reference point but as many have said it does depend, your size, have you eaten, metabolism. It’s risking it 2 pints, and if you know he’s driven before when he’s had more than 2 pints then you know he will do it again. I wouldn’t be risking my DD or condoning it by getting into a car with him.

Does he go every day?

ginasevern · 07/05/2025 18:32

Firstly, men aren't as keen as women to go "running home to see the baby" but you're already discovering that. Secondly, you are absolutely right not to get in the car with him and I expect he's lying anyway about the amount he's drunk. Did he want children?