Page 4 | Dating sister's ex

LoveFridaynight · 2025-05-07T07:06:54+00:00

It finally happened. I have 2 DDs 18 and 16. 17 year old has been out with a few different boys in the last couple of years, which is fine. 16 year old has never had a boyfriend. One of DDs ex boyfriend is on the same course as my youngest. They became very friendly and he's now asked her out. DD1 is fuming even though they were never serious. I get it though. You don't date your sisters ex. I'm not being unreasonable to think that am I? I feel for my youngest DD. She's autistic and struggles socially so she's thrilled to be asked out but why him? He knows they are sisters so why ask her out anyway. I feel I should tell youngest to turn him down. Am I being unreasonable to say you don't date your sisters ex?

Longtoe · 08/05/2025 08:45

Is your DD a student or work? Does she feel happy and friends, social life etc?

Longtoe · 08/05/2025 08:46

LoveFridaynight · 08/05/2025 08:41

Yes very black and white in her thinking, describes her perfectly.
My DD1 had an argument with this boy and after that they didn't see each other so I'm not sure either of them actually dumped the other but it just fizzled out after the row.

Did you ever meet him whilst DD and he was together? What was the argument about?

Dingalingalong · 08/05/2025 09:03

LoveFridaynight · 08/05/2025 08:41

Yes very black and white in her thinking, describes her perfectly.
My DD1 had an argument with this boy and after that they didn't see each other so I'm not sure either of them actually dumped the other but it just fizzled out after the row.

This is a great listen, to spot an abusive relationship early on, with tell tale signs. Recommend it to the 3 of you:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0029395

File on 4 Investigates - Femicide - BBC Sounds

The eight stages that mark a relationship’s transformation to murder.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0029395

myplace · 08/05/2025 09:07

LoveFridaynight · 07/05/2025 08:51

DD1 and him were together for maybe 3 months. I know they had sex at least once in that time but near the end of the relationship.
This lad seems nice enough, but does have a tendency to do stupid things. He was driving with DD1 at a stupid speed and crashed his car. Luckily no-one was hurt but he was obviously showing off/ trying to impress her. DD1 said to her sister (not me) you don't know what he's like. But I don't know if she's just saying that because she's annoyed.
They usually get on pretty well. They do bicker but nothing major.
Okay seems it's okay to date your sister's ex. I'll keep out of it. Although I am going to try and find out what the you don't know what he's like comment is about.
I just worry about DD2 so much. She's so easily led and always sees the best in everyone but I also know I have to let her grow up.

Wait, what?! You’re ok with your vulnerable DD dating a muppet who could have killed her sister?!

No, no, no!

Have you had a calm conversation with DD1 asking why she’s concerned? It sounds as though she’s concerned for her sister rather than possessive of her ex!

JazzyBBBG · 08/05/2025 09:17

Does she know her sister slept with him? That may put her off....
I'd also be worried given recent events and misogyny culture that there was more to this. Especially given what you've said about his driving etc.

CowTown · 08/05/2025 09:34

JazzyBBBG · 08/05/2025 09:17

Does she know her sister slept with him? That may put her off....
I'd also be worried given recent events and misogyny culture that there was more to this. Especially given what you've said about his driving etc.

Good point. This does give off Andrew Tate conquering vibes.

Cookiecrumblepie · 08/05/2025 10:10

my gut instinct is no. Your younger daughter is vulnerable. If she’s just an easy conquest to brag about it will ruin her mentally. Discourage this, or let him wait. Just drag it out until he loses interest and moves on.

TheHerboriste · 08/05/2025 10:16

Why are you raising girls to be so focused on dating and men at this young age, instead of prioritizing their education and careers??

Ginning up all this drama revolving around a male is sickening. As their mother you should be downplaying it, not adding fuel to the fire.

Original poster

LoveFridaynight · 08/05/2025 10:33

TheHerboriste · 08/05/2025 10:16

Why are you raising girls to be so focused on dating and men at this young age, instead of prioritizing their education and careers??

Ginning up all this drama revolving around a male is sickening. As their mother you should be downplaying it, not adding fuel to the fire.

I'm not raising them to be focused on men. What a ridiculous comment. They are teenage girls, DD1 enjoys playing the field but that's not to say she's not working, studying and enjoying spending time with her mates too. Loads of girls have boyfriends at 16 or 18.
I wouldn't say being asked out at 16 is focusing on boys either. She's doing very well on her college course and was able to form some really good friendships this year which is a massive achievement.
I don't think I'm causing any drama about it.

OP posts:

Missey85 · 08/05/2025 11:05

One way to keep it in the family! 😂😂😂 That will make Christmas dinner awkward for everyone

Mexcitedfam · 08/05/2025 14:23

TheHerboriste · 08/05/2025 10:16

Why are you raising girls to be so focused on dating and men at this young age, instead of prioritizing their education and careers??

Ginning up all this drama revolving around a male is sickening. As their mother you should be downplaying it, not adding fuel to the fire.

you don’t have any children do you @TheHerboriste or maybe you do but very young.

Op - your DD1, is her life full and happy? Because if she’s getting really worked up about this, it might be because she’s not fulfilled in her own life

Original poster

LoveFridaynight · 08/05/2025 15:06

She is really happy or was until this kicked off. She's doing an apprenticeship so working and studying, goes out with her friends a few times a week, volunteers once a week so I don't think it's that.
I think it's more likely he didn't treat her well and she doesn't want the same for her sister from what she's said.

OP posts:

Mexcitedfam · 08/05/2025 15:08

LoveFridaynight · 08/05/2025 15:06

She is really happy or was until this kicked off. She's doing an apprenticeship so working and studying, goes out with her friends a few times a week, volunteers once a week so I don't think it's that.
I think it's more likely he didn't treat her well and she doesn't want the same for her sister from what she's said.

Did you ever meet him?

Mexcitedfam · 08/05/2025 15:09

LoveFridaynight · 08/05/2025 15:06

She is really happy or was until this kicked off. She's doing an apprenticeship so working and studying, goes out with her friends a few times a week, volunteers once a week so I don't think it's that.
I think it's more likely he didn't treat her well and she doesn't want the same for her sister from what she's said.

Oh great news about the apprenticeship! I was on the other thread where she’d lost her job and no success in getting another one so I was wondering

Original poster

LoveFridaynight · 08/05/2025 15:24

Yeah she only started a few weeks ago but is really enjoying it which is a relief.
I have met him twice. Obviously he didn't come to the house again after the accident.

OP posts:

Mexcitedfam · 08/05/2025 15:32

LoveFridaynight · 08/05/2025 15:24

Yeah she only started a few weeks ago but is really enjoying it which is a relief.
I have met him twice. Obviously he didn't come to the house again after the accident.

Don’t focus on the sister aspect

focus on the fact he’s a dire driver and you do not want her travelling with him. Do you think she’d at least promise that?

orangedream · 08/05/2025 15:46

I'd ban her from dating him as he was speeding with your DD and crashed his car with her in it.

The fact he had sex with one sister and now wants to do the same with another is horrible. He sounds like a complete loser. Ask your daughter to explain that to her younger sister if you can't.