Dating sister's ex

[LoveFridaynight]

It finally happened. I have 2 DDs 18 and 16. 17 year old has been out with a few different boys in the last couple of years, which is fine. 16 year old has never had a boyfriend.
One of DDs ex boyfriend is on the same course as my youngest. They became very friendly and he's now asked her out. DD1 is fuming even though they were never serious.
I get it though. You don't date your sisters ex. I'm not being unreasonable to think that am I? I feel for my youngest DD. She's autistic and struggles socially so she's thrilled to be asked out but why him? He knows they are sisters so why ask her out anyway.
I feel I should tell youngest to turn him down. Am I being unreasonable to say you don't date your sisters ex?

Also this! He sounds like a plonker and a liability.

I would encourage the younger daughter to listen to her sister about her experiences with this boy. I find the reckless driving very concerning.

I don't know how much his driving has changed (if at all) and have already told DD2, when she was just friends with him to never get in the car with him.
DD2' keeps saving how much she likes this boy and I have tried explaining there are lots of other boys (that haven't dated her sister) but she says no-one else is interested which I find heartbreaking.
I'm going to have a chat with DD1 later and either find out why she no longer likes this boy or get her to tell DD2 which would probably be better. Whatever it is might be enough to put DD2 off anyway.
Thanks for the replies. I try to remind myself they are growing up but DD2 is vulnerable and I worry about her being taken advantage of.

It must be a difficult position to be in, for the 3 of you (I put myself so much in your shoes that I had put "us" 🤣), and I can't stop thinking about this boy stirring shit between the 3 of you and I find that really nasty, tbh. Just for that fact, he isn't a good choice for either of your DDs. You can ask DD2 how she would feel and what she would say if the roles were reversed. Also you can tell her that her sister is for life, a boyfriend isn't (she might not believe anyone is interested rn but that won't always be true). However, whatever logical, clear headed, convincing advice you can give, at the end of the day, they will make their own mistakes and learn from them. Your love and care for them shows and that's already enough ❤️

I married my sisters ex..last time I posted that on here I got flamed

Your DD1 has had sex with this boy. He is a little creep to go after her younger sister. Your DD2 is autistic so may be a bit vulnerable to his advances and might not see how it is socially unacceptable.

I wouldn't have it, that is for sure.

Your sister and your husband have had sex? #awkward

this thread is fascinating. I’m a millennial and there was always a ‘girl code’ or ‘bro code’ where you don’t date your friends exes. No matter if it was a ‘fling’ or serious relationship. Just curious as to why siblings are different.

I’m Gen X and we had the same code…Chicks Before Dicks was what we called it.

He was driving with DD1 at a stupid speed and crashed his car. Luckily no-one was hurt but he was obviously

in comparison with THIS detail? I wouldn’t give a flying fig about fact a sister’s ex.

This would be my concern. This. And for that reason she would not be allowed in his car.

It is not unusual.

I have 3 sisters, two out of 4 dated a sisters ex as teenagers, my younger sister dated my ex while I'm still in crush mode.

I dated my older sisters ex, we were all teenagers.

It caused trouble, we got over it. It is hilarious now that we're in our 40's

The driving part is another issue.

A friend of mine married her sisters long-term ex, everyone moves on. 😅

The driving part is the main issue in my eyes

I wouldn't allow DD date him due to his driving, not because he is an ex, the driving part, is a huge issue.

As I said ever since DD2 became friends with this boy I have always said do not get in his car and as far as I know she never has.
I'm trying not to get over involved. I spoke to DD1 yesterday about what she said. She wouldn't tell me what she meant except for the fact that his personality changes when you're his girlfriend. I'm now going out of my mind that he was abusive to DD1. She wouldn't confirm that (which confirms in my mind he was) but said she is going to have a proper talk to DD2.
I'm really hoping this puts her off as I can actually picture her putting up with crap from him just because he's her boyfriend.
I did have a long chat with her yesterday and reminded her that her sister is more important than any boy but I'm not convinced she took it in. So bloody hard when she's with him 4 days a week.

I understand people saying they wouldn't allow her to date him but she's almost 17. I can say she's not allowed but then I'm worried she'd start seeing him behind my back and I really don't want that.

Say she can date as her prerogative

but say she can’t go in his car

might mean you doing a bit more driving than you care to do op, but I’d suck this up

DD1…. Student? Work?

I am sorry if I missed
but who dumped who?

You have to get overly involved with a vulnerable 16 year old.

Having potential sex with 2 sisters is grim. Can your younger DD not see that whilst it’s ok to feel ‘flattered’ it’s not ok. Is she quite black and white in her thinking?

Yes very black and white in her thinking, describes her perfectly.
My DD1 had an argument with this boy and after that they didn't see each other so I'm not sure either of them actually dumped the other but it just fizzled out after the row.

Please leave her alone. She said yes because he asked her and she likes him.

Sisterly loyalty has to come from the girls themselves, you can't demand it.

Your oldest may or may not forget this is s hurry. But if this is her first boyfriend, and she already struggles, then interference from you is the last thing she needs

@LoveFridaynight Is there any literature or programs available that teach teenage girls about healthy relationships and red flags to look out for? From reading your posts I think rather than telling her not to date this guy, try to equip her for making a good decision.