Ex broke up w me and then I found out I was pregnant- he was keen for me to have a termination and after letting me know that he went pretty much no contact, he was also very abrasive in any interactions about it with me. I initially book an abortion however, after speaking to the provider i was encouraged to consider my options. I was considering keeping the baby and was taking my time to think things through without his input, but sadly had a miscarriage. Lots of pain over this, feeling guilty because my stress levels were incredibly high, it would’ve been such a terrible dynamic with him as an ex but I loved and wanted my baby so much and would’ve done my all to be the best mum ever.
I ended up in hospital with very heavy bleeding and having no one else to call, I phoned him to ask for some help getting home. I told him the bleeding was from an abortion but actually I had a miscarriage - I needed some help and knew he’d be fuming if he thought I had planned on keeping the child - the end result was sadly the same for me and I just wanted an easy life given my physical and mental distress and no acrimony.
Instead of showing up to help, he decided to focus on pursuing the termination providers who had been supporting me through the pregnancy using a historic reference number I’d given him to appease him. They breached my data by sharing information which confirmed it was a historic number - this was not only a breach of data, but also totally frustrating as I felt violated given my comprehensive discussions with them. As a result, my ex never showed up to help me at hospital, and threatened me w legal action after accusing me of having a false pregnancy. He blocked me and sent me hideous messages saying I lied about being pregnant and calling me coercive and manipulative when I’d attempted to be kind/empathetic to him since the days after the break up whilst being very hurt and going through one of the hardest moments of my life.
I’m working through the grief of my baby with a therapist, as well as the break up, however, something about him invalidating my pregnancy and subsequently my experience with my miscarriage has killed me inside.
I’ve been devastated by the loss, the physical impact was horrible and the mental pain and grief is torture - I can’t sleep or eat and I had a nervous breakdown as a result and feel I need some closure and to feel heard - his denial makes me feel like my baby never existed and that’s killing me inside.
The situation became worse by virtue of the abortion provider escalating the issue. Theyve since started an investigation given theyve confirmed a data breach here which has had significant harm to my mental well-being, but they’re seeming very cagey and hesitant to be upfront. Today they shared the transcript of the call with my ex partner as a piece of the investigation and it’s made me extremely angry that someone could share information on the phone like that without thinking twice about the consequences. I just wanted to get some thoughts on how to find closure across the very layered components of this terrible situation. My trauma is so deep that I never returned back to work after the day in hospital and data breach and even therapy doesn’t even seem to touch the sides.